Anatomy of a Human
by Amethyst Jackson
Summary: Companion to Only Human. Edward's young life is irreversibly altered when a mysterious girl in strange clothing stumbles into his world.  Now complete.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Anatomy of a Human

**Author:** Amethyst Jackson

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** Companion to **Only Human**. Edward's young life is irreversibly altered when a mysterious girl in strange clothing stumbles into his world.

**Disclaimer:** _Twilight_ and its characters belongs to a whole lot of people, namely Stephenie Meyer and whomever she chooses to share the rights with, but I'm not one of those people. I wish I was, because I could use the cash, but I am making no money off this story or any other derivative work, so there's nothing to sue me for.

* * *

**Chapter One**

_June 18, 1918_

Getting on the train from Philadelphia to Chicago was always a relief, like I could already feel the air becoming purer as it floated in the open window of the car. I hoisted my travel trunk onto the shelf overhead with difficulty and settled into my seat for the long journey home.

For four years now, I'd completed the same routine. In August, pile onto the train to Philadelphia, take the long drive from the city to the boarding school I attended in the country, return home for winter holidays, return to school, return home again in June.

My father had insisted upon private school for my secondary education, though my primary education had been in public schools, with the addition of my mother's tutelage. Boarding school, preferably in the east, was the only acceptable route to a prestigious university, which was in turn the only acceptable route to the best law schools.

My father had a detailed plan for me. From birth.

The prospect of becoming a lawyer didn't thrill me – actually, I dreaded spending my days hunched over a pile of paperwork – but I had plenty of time to find something else to do with my life and convince my father of its worthiness as a profession. If luck was on my side, the war might last until I turned eighteen, and then I could enlist. My parents would be displeased, but I felt certain they would approve once they realized how I was serving our country.

What I did hate, loathe, and despise was boarding school. The place, the people, my studies…all horrifyingly pompous and dull. My roommate for the past four years, Norman – assigned together because we came from the same city – was the worst of them all. Self-important and with a sense of entitlement a mile wide, Norman schemed and manipulated and took wherever he could. An upper-class pirate. He wasn't an anomaly, either – the school was full of snakes just like him: charming, selfish, and deadly.

The whole atmosphere was entirely different from what I'd grown up with in Chicago. Out in the Midwest, even in the city, everything felt wide open, so free. Going east made me feel close to claustrophobic. It wasn't merely a matter of geography, either; the attitude was different. In Chicago, I'd played baseball in the street with other boys in the neighborhood. At school, they actually made us play _croquet_. Of all the cruel and unusual punishments….

A few minutes before the train was due to depart, three businessmen piled into my car. I pressed close to the window, trying to keep breathing fresh air for as long as possible, and pulled a book out of my bag to pass the time and discourage conversation. I didn't want to hear about these men and their profits and their stocks and bonds, and I definitely didn't want them asking me about my "future." I got enough of that from people I actually knew.

Several hours later, the train pulled into the station. I waited for the other men to shuffle out before dragging down my trunk and hauling it off the train. My mother waited on the platform, all smiles. She'd never liked having me away from home for so many months of the year, but she'd always acceded to the wisdom and practicality of my father's plans for me. Now she would gladly continue shipping me off to boarding school to keep me out of the war.

"Hello, Mother," I greeted her, letting my trunk drag along the ground behind me.

"Edward, dearest," she sighed, enveloping me into a tight hug. I blushed, catching a few stares in our direction. She pulled away, patting my cheek. "You look thin, sweetheart. Aren't they feeding you well at that school?"

She asked the same question every time I got home, always before anything else. "You know they serve ridiculous food at that school. You can fatten me up while I'm home."

"I most certainly will," she fussed, smoothing down my hair. "Come along, dear. Your father is waiting in the car, and I know he's anxious to hear about your school term."

"Anxious to hear about my marks, you mean," I grumbled, trailing after her.

"Be patient with your father," Mother sighed. "He's doing what he thinks is best."

"Is it what you think is best?" I wondered aloud as we weaved through the travellers scurrying toward trains.

We stopped just in front of the doors leading outside. "You know I wish I could have you at home, but yes, I do think it's best you go to that school. There are things about the world that you just can't learn at home. Sometimes you have to go out into the great wilderness."

"Wilderness," I snorted. "I don't think the landscaped grounds qualify as wilderness."

"It was a metaphor, dear," Mother said patiently before pushing her way out the door. I followed after, shaking my head. I should have known my mother would be on my father's side. Getting between those two would require a crowbar.

We found the car parked outside. My father climbed out to help my mother in before coming around to help me load my trunk onto the back.

"Hello, son," he greeted me with a pat on the back. "Good term?"

"Nothing unusual," I replied, shrugging. My father sighed and said no more; my lack of enthusiasm was a constant tension between us. He climbed into the car without another word, next to my mother up front, and I slid into the backseat, feeling like a child. I would be seventeen years old in two days, and here I was, sitting behind my parents like a good little boy. I sighed out the open window.

"Edward, have you given any thought to what you'd like for your birthday dinner?" my mother asked abruptly, hopefully, turning in her seat to look at me.

I grinned. "You know I want your chicken and dumplings, Ma."

My father's lips twitched. We both knew Mother was tickled pink whenever I called her 'Ma,' and even more than that, she loved cooking. My mother wasn't typical of an upper-class wife; her father had been a successful farmer, and she'd grown up in the country. Though she'd received the kind of education typical of society women, she'd never given up her love of cooking and outdoor pursuits. She was constantly stepping on our poor cook's toes, literally and figuratively.

"That's my boy," she said approvingly. "Is there anyone you'd like me to invite?"

"No, Mother." She was forever hoping I'd "come out of my shell" and "make friends," but I'd never had much talent in that regard. Maybe it was a personal failing – I found it all too easy to be distracted by the flaws of others, enough so that I often struggled to see their positive characteristics. I didn't like being that way, but I didn't know how to change myself, either.

"You should invite some of your schoolmates in the area, Son," Father chimed in. "The right connections are essential. You don't want to alienate these young men; one of them might employ you one day."

"I certainly hope not," I muttered under my breath.

"I heard that. Just consider it, will you?"

"I'll consider it," I agreed, lying through my teeth. "But I do see these people for the majority of the year. It would be nice if I didn't have to see them on my birthday as well."

"You needn't invite anyone you don't want to," Mother said, looking sharply at Father. "It's your day, after all."

The car stopped in front of our home, and I clambered out after my parents. We had no male servants, so it was up to me to lug my trunk inside and up the staircase. Admittedly, I was spoiled at school. The amount of servants we had there was bordering on ridiculous.

I opened the door to my bedroom, which was kept shut up while I was in school. Now the windows were thrown open to let in fresh air, and the furniture was uncovered, dust free. I sank onto my inviting bed, enjoying being back in my own room. My baseball and glove still rested on my bookshelf next to the thick Webster's Dictionary, which I admittedly had not bothered to open in years. I peeked into my nightstand drawer and smiled when I saw my childhood blanket still hidden there; I couldn't bear to part with it.

A warm breeze flowed into the room, and I found myself lazily closing my eyes, ready to doze until dinnertime.

* * *

Summer went as summer usually did. While my father hurried off to work every day, I slept late. I helped my mother with the occasional chore, but for the most part, I passed my days reading – comic books and adventure novels, nothing remotely educational – playing piano, and lazing about in the sunshine.

My mother tolerated my behavior until mid-July.

"Edward, I think it's high time you leave the house for a bit. Come, you can accompany me to the market in Mary's place. She does enough work."

"Yes, Mother," I agreed reluctantly, dragging myself off my bed. "Give me a moment to make myself presentable."

"Ten minutes," Mother replied, shutting my bedroom door behind her. I shuffled into some unwrinkled clothes – trousers, white shirt, waistcoat, jacket. I hated leaving the house during summer. I much preferred being in shirtsleeves with such oppressive heat.

I washed my face quickly and made a half-hearted attempt to tame my hair before I met my mother in the foyer.

"Gracious, Edward," Mother sighed, flattening her palm against my hairline and sweeping back. "Your hair…"

"It's always been this way, you know that," I grumbled. "What do you expect me to do about it?"

"A bit of pomade might help, dear," Mother said, letting her hand fall in defeat. "Come along now. I want to get to the market before all the decent turnips have gone."

"Turnips. Right," I muttered, pacing after her out the door and to the street. Like the proper gentlemen I was supposed to be, I offered my arm to my mother to 'escort' her to the market. As if my mother needed any assistance…she was tough as nails.

The market teemed with men and women in various states. There were those like my mother and I, browsing the wares. There were the farmers peddling their harvest with vigor and the less enthusiastic farmers waiting for the customers to come to them. Artisans attempted to drown the food-sellers out, eager to attract new business, and beggars lurked between displays, ready to pounce on anyone who showed the slightest weakness.

"Aha!" Mother cried, spotting the all-important turnips. I waited, looking around for something to amuse me, while she selected her produce. Our outing didn't end with the turnips, unfortunately. Next was the bookseller's, where my mother ordered several obscure titles, and then we were on to the shoemaker's, where my mother left a pair of cold-weather boots to be repaired while she wasn't using them. I waited outside while she dealt with the shoemaker; the bookshop had been unbearably warm, and I opted to stay outside where at least there was a breeze this time.

I was watching the people drifting down the street at different speeds – some in a rush, some on a leisurely stroll – when a flash of color caught my eye. I jerked my head to see a young woman standing in the middle of the street, as if she'd appeared out of nowhere.

At first, I found myself staring quite impolitely at her clothing. How could I help it? The bright blue color of her blouse would have been enough to draw anyone's attention amongst the conservative colors which were currently in fashion, but everything she wore was rather…scandalous. The blouse left her arms bare, which could be tolerated at home, but certainly not in public. And she wore _trousers_ – not only trousers, but trousers made of denim, as if she were a mine-worker! Clearly, they were not men's trousers, either; they were tailored to hug her body, showing the curve of her hips and the shape of her thighs.

I had to turn my thoughts quickly to French conjugations and shift my eyes to her face. Her delicately pale skin was at odds with her clothes. Were she the sort of woman who routinely wore trousers, she would certainly not have such a well-maintained complexion. Only fine ladies could so well avoid the sun. What a lovely face she had, too – sweetly heart-shaped, with a gentle mouth and wide doe-eyes.

A doe, indeed. She held herself as stiffly as a deer left exposed, fearing the hunter's bullet. I moved toward her instinctively, curious and captivated. Who was this strange woman, and why did she look so lost? So scared?

I ventured closer, wary of taking too bold a step, as if she would flee like a frightened animal if I moved too quickly.

"Excuse me, miss?"

Her eyes flashed to mine, wide and bright and shocked, and I was stunned senseless.

* * *

To Be Continued


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: **Anatomy of a Human

**Author:** Amethyst Jackson

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** Companion to Only Human. Edward's young life is irreversibly altered when a mysterious girl in strange clothing stumbles into his world.

**Disclaimer:** _Twilight_ and its characters belongs to a whole lot of people, namely Stephenie Meyer and whomever she chooses to share the rights with, but I'm not one of those people. I wish I was, because I could use the cash, but I am making no money off this story or any other derivative work, so there's nothing to sue me for.

* * *

**Chapter Two**

"Excuse me, miss?"

Her eyes flashed to mine, wide and bright and shocked, and I was stunned senseless. I couldn't quite place what it was I found so striking about this woman – aside from her strange attire, I could find nothing out of the ordinary about her. Perhaps the combination of her features formed something greater than the sum of various parts. Her hair, her eyes, her skin, the shape of her mouth, the shape of her body – somehow, these things worked together to captivate me.

The woman stared at me with unsettling intensity. It was if she knew me somehow, which was utterly impossible. I would remember meeting this woman, surely. There was no way I had met her and forgotten her when I was struggling with such a visceral reaction to the sight of her now. Why, then, did she look so astonished?

I began to feel uncomfortable. Clearly, she was not going to respond to my question, but she couldn't simply continue to stand in the middle of the street, dressed like a cross between a suffragette and a manual laborer. All sorts of monsters could come along and attempt to take advantage of her.

"Miss?" I tried again, glancing about nervously. People were definitely staring. "Are you all right?"

Her eyes sharpened, snapping into focus, but she looked at me another few seconds before she responded.

"Actually, I'm a bit lost."

That seemed like an understatement. I wanted to know what life had handed her, why she seemed so disoriented. Perhaps she was…unstable? People did escape from the asylum from time to time….

"Where are you going?" I asked, sincerely hoping she was sane. It would be my luck to feel my first spark of interest for a woman that was a few bricks shy of a load. "Perhaps I can help you find your way."

"Um…maybe 'lost' wasn't the right word. I don't have any place to go," she admitted, twisting the hem of her blouse in one hand. The gesture seemed quite vulnerable, and I found it endearing.

"You don't live in Chicago?" I ventured.

"No," she replied slowly, still with that unwavering gaze. "I'm from Washington."

Washington? Washington _state?_ "And you're here unattended? You've no one to take care of you?" Who would allow this young woman to wander around in such attire, far from home and without an escort?

The woman pursed her lips and then relaxed them, as if by force. "I didn't exactly intend to come here, but I have nowhere else to go, either."

I started to search my mind for some solution, but the tinkling of a bell as a door opened distracted me, and I tensed as I heard my mother's voice.

"Edward?" She approached us steadily, assessing the woman and me with her keen eyes. "Is there a problem?"

I took a deep breath to compose myself. I had no idea how my mother might react to this situation. "I was just asking this young lady if she needed assistance," I explained, keeping my tone light. "It seems she has nowhere to go."

My mother glanced between us once more. Her mouth lifted in a smirk, and I knew she'd caught me. My casual act hadn't fooled her for a second; she could see clearly that this woman intrigued me.

"And have you introduced yourself?" Mother asked, eyes dancing with mirth. Oh, this would not lead to anything good. I felt the color creeping up my neck, rushing into my cheeks.

"I hadn't gotten to that part yet," I muttered, embarrassed to have lost my composure so completely with one look from my mother. I was supposed to be a man, for goodness' sake, not some wide-eyed schoolboy. I cleared my throat unnecessarily. "Forgive me. My name is Edward Masen, and this is my mother."

"How do you do," the young woman said awkwardly. "I'm Bella Swan."

"Bella, you say? Is that your full name?" my mother questioned with a tilt of her head. _Bella_ sounded perfect to me. Unusual, but perhaps people in Washington were somewhat eccentric?

"Um, no, it's short for Isabella," Bella replied with a wavering voice. Clearly, my mother made her nervous in a way that I had not. Yet another mystery to taunt my curiosity.

"Well, it's a very pretty name indeed," Mother declared with a contemplative tone in her voice. That tone was dangerous. Bella didn't seem to notice.

"Would you like to accompany us home for tea?" my mother offered, and I stared at her incredulously. "Perhaps we can be of some assistance to you."

"Thank you," Bella breathed, smiling widely with gratitude. "You're very kind."

"Well, we all need a bit of kindness now and then, do we not?" my mother smiled, and her gloved hand wrapped around my elbow. She nudged me in the side, her way of telling me to offer Bella my other arm. "It's simply the right thing to do."

"Still, you are a great deal more kind than most," Bella said, placing her hand very tentatively in the crook of my elbow. Even through my jacket and the July heat, I could feel the warmth.

We began the walk home in silence. Bella looked about uncertainly, as if everything was foreign to her. Washington couldn't be that much different, could it? My mother spoke now and then, trying to make small talk, but I was surreptitiously watching Bella, and Bella was clearly lost in her own thoughts.

Inside our home, Bella looked a bit out of place. Certainly no one in denim had ever sat on our parlor settee. Mother disappeared into the kitchen, leaving me alone with her. I took a seat in the chair my father typically occupied and watched her as she peered around curiously. Bella's eyes drifted to mine and darted away quickly. I was probably making her uncomfortable – I was staring rather improperly – but I couldn't help myself. I wanted to understand her.

My mother bustled in with the tea tray, and Bella relaxed slightly. "Your home is beautiful."

"Thank you," my mother said, busy with the tea things. "It was built just after the Great Fire."

Bella blinked owlishly. "How fascinating."

My mother prepared Bella's tea and handed it off to her. She passed me a cup as well, but I didn't drink right away, too amused by the awkward way Bella held her cup and saucer.

"Why don't you tell us how you've come to be here?" my mother suggested, sitting back in her chair with her own cup of tea. Bella took an unladylike gulp and began her story.

"My parents died three years ago, back in Washington. They'd become very ill – there was nothing the doctor could do. I was too old to be sent to the orphanage by then, and I had nowhere to go. I have no other relatives, as far as I know. An older woman took me in, a seamstress, and I lived and worked with her until she passed away. There was nothing left for me in that town, so I got on a train and…well, here I am," she concluded uncertainly, as if she thought we would toss her back on the street.

Something had changed for my mother during the course of Bella's tale. Her face had softened, and yet, there was something like determination in her eyes.

"I'm very sorry to hear about your parents," she said gently. "Forgive me, but may I inquire as to the manner of your dress? I don't think I've ever seen a girl in denim trousers before."

Bella's face grew very red, and she fiddled with the hem of her blouse again. "Oh, well, it's easier to travel this way. Fewer people bother you when you're dressed as a man. I, uh…tailored these to fit better."

My mother knew as well as I did that Bella's story about the clothing made no sense, but she didn't question Bella further. "It must be difficult for a young lady to travel alone these days."

"Sometimes," Bella murmured. "I've managed well enough."

Mother nodded. "Well, we'll be happy to offer you a place to stay until you find new employment." I blinked. We would? I'd known my mother would be willing to help Bella, but I'd thought that would involve finding her a boarding house and a job, not offering her the guestroom. The guestroom. She would be sleeping right down the hall…so close….

"Thank you," Bella said, her voice breathy with surprise and relief. "I can't begin to repay you for your kindness."

"Nonsense," my mother waved her off. "You have no belongings with you, so I suppose you have nothing suitable to wear during your stay."

I wondered at that. Surely Bella had inherited her parents' possessions, and had kept her own things, even after her employer had died. Why would she come to Chicago with nothing? Something wasn't right about her story, not at all.

"No, I don't, I'm sorry," Bella was saying.

"No need to apologize," Mother replied, evidently unconcerned, though I knew she must be thinking the same things I was. I think I have something suitable. Come upstairs with me. Edward, will you see to the spare bedroom?"

"Of course," I answered automatically, surprised to be addressed. Bella's eyes flickered back to me again. She still looked at me strangely.

Mother ushered Bella out of the parlor, onto the staircase. When they were out of sight, I slipped into the kitchen, where the maid, Annie, was busy gossiping with Mary. I knew they'd doubtlessly been eavesdropping through the entire conversation with Bella.

"Mother would like the spare bedroom prepared for our guest," I told them, met with raised eyebrows.

"The girl is staying?" Mary said incredulously. She'd always been rather impertinent for an employee, and she'd always gotten away with it somehow. I suppose she was virtually a member of the family by now.

I bristled. "Yes, she's staying. She has nowhere else to go."

Mary exchanged a look with Annie. I knew they were considering the scandalous nature of my mother's decision, taking in a strange girl with no connections. It _was_ bizarre. I had no idea why my mother was doing it, but I was glad she had. Now I had more time to unravel the mystery of Bella Swan, and perhaps to understand why she captured my fancy so effortlessly.

"I suppose I'll need to rethink dinner plans, then," Mary grumbled. "It was to be steak, but we haven't enough for four."

I shrugged. "You'll have to discuss that with Mother. All I know is that we need the guestroom prepared," I said pointedly to Annie, who finally hopped down from the kitchen's wooden stool. She shot me a look before slipping up the back stairs to do her duty.

"Mr. Masen won't be pleased about this at all," Mary muttered. She could have been talking about the steaks, but I knew my father would not react well to our new houseguest. She would be allowed to stay, of course, because my mother always got her way, but I hoped he would not make Bella feel unwelcome. While I doubted the story she'd given us, I had the distinct feeling that Bella had been through enough hardship already.

* * *

**A/N:** In case you missed the memo, this story is the EPoV companion to my completed story _Only Human_. This one will make a lot more sense if you read the other one first. Otherwise, you'll be completely in the dark until...well, pretty much the last chapter. Then again, maybe it would be fun to have the story unravel that way. Your prerogative.


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: **Anatomy of a Human

**Author:** Amethyst Jackson

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** Companion to Only Human. Edward's young life is irreversibly altered when a mysterious girl in strange clothing stumbles into his world.

**Disclaimer:** _Twilight_ and its characters belongs to a whole lot of people, namely Stephenie Meyer and whomever she chooses to share the rights with, but I'm not one of those people. I wish I was, because I could use the cash, but I am making no money off this story or any other derivative work, so there's nothing to sue me for.

* * *

**Chapter Three**

My mother bustled into the kitchen after getting Bella settled in her room. I was still harassing Mary, who was making apple tarts. I lived and breathed for apple tarts.

"Edward, for goodness' sake, not again," Mother sighed, swatting my hand away from the bowl of quickly-depleting sugared apples. "Mary's going to leave us one day, and you'll be to blame."

"Nah." I chomped through another slice of apple. "She loves me. Don't you, Mary?"

Mary huffed and moved the bowl out of my reach. "I'd love you more if you'd stop eating my ingredients."

Mother breezed by me in order to speak directly to Mary. "I'm sorry, but we have an unexpected guest for dinner tonight. Do you think you could – ?"

"I already heard," Mary grumbled. "How long is she staying?"

"Indefinitely," Mother replied with twitching lips. "Do you need any help altering tonight's menu?"

Mary glared. "Some idea of what you want me to cook would be nice. I haven't the faintest idea what you want me to do if the steaks won't do."

My mother fluttered around the kitchen, peering into cupboards, darting into the pantry. She returned carrying flour noodles and a block of cheese.

"What about that chicken pasta dish you made a few weeks ago? Mr. Masen was quite taken with it, and I'm positive Miss Swan will love it."

"Could do," Mary mused. "Going to need onion. And celery."

"The Mitchells have onion in their garden. I'm sure we could borrow one. Edward, dear, would you mind running to the market for the celery?"

I nodded, stifling a sigh. Of course, I didn't _want_ to go to the market again, especially not in this heat, but I knew I didn't have a choice.

"And ask Miss Swan if she'd like to go with you. Perhaps she'd like a chance to familiarize herself with the city."

"Very well," I agreed, though my stomach threatened to take flight and abandon me altogether. My mother was forcing me to be alone with Bella. Did she have any idea how dangerous that was? I was likely to make a fool of myself. Or do something wildly inappropriate.

I lingered, procrastinating, and caught Mother in the hallway. "Why did you invite her to stay with us?" I asked my mother. I wasn't upset; I was glad, and I knew my mother could see that, though I tried to hide it. But I didn't understand. "She's a complete stranger."

"She's perfectly trustworthy. I think she can take good care of herself, actually, but there was something about her. Something that makes her unique, though I can't place my finger on it," she said, and her lips twitched suspiciously. "And I saw the way you looked at her," she added smugly. "You've never paid as much attention to any young lady as you did today."

"That's ludicrous," I said, though my face burned. "Seems like quite a leap of faith to take in a stranger because you think your son has taken a fancy to her."

"Maybe," she said with an enigmatic smile, "But my instincts are never wrong."

"Never say never," I muttered, though I couldn't argue. Her instincts were more precise than any scientific instrument, and it looked like they had something in store for me.

Mother hurried off – always in action. I trudged up the stairs and made sure I was somewhat presentable before creeping back down the hallway. I knocked lightly on Bella's door, eager to see her face again, even as a part of me hoped she wouldn't answer.

For a few, lengthy seconds, I waited. Then the latch clicked, and the door opened. Bella stood before me, slightly less otherworldly in a pale blue dress, but her hair still fell around her shoulders, long and lovely, an endless source of temptation. My eyes roamed over her face; her eyes were red.

"I came to check on you – have you been crying?" I blurted out.

Her eyes widened and she swiped her right hand hastily across her cheeks. "Oh, yes, but it's nothing," she said, altogether too casual, and I knew she lied to me. "I'm fine."

I wished she wouldn't lie. That was the only way to see who she really was, before it was too late, before I could be disappointed. "Can I do anything?"

Her sigh and small smile were sad. "Thank you, but no. There's nothing that can be done."

This time, I believed her. Her melancholy struck me, especially in the paradox of strength and vulnerability I saw in her eyes. "I'm sorry to hear that. Would it perhaps improve your mood to accompany me on an errand? My mother seems to have forgotten a crucial ingredient for tonight's meal."

"That sounds nice," she replied, sending a wave of nervous ripples through my stomach. "Give me a moment."

"I'll wait downstairs," I said, shuffling away. I paced the main parlor, restless, punchy. I'd never felt this way before.

My mother waltzed through, headed for the stairs, but she stopped when she saw me. The corners of her mouth curled with suppressed laughter.

"What?" I sputtered, unconcerned with politeness. I glanced down my body, wondering if I'd missed a button somewhere.

"Nothing," Mother shook her head. "You know, I was beginning to worry you'd never show a normal reaction to any young woman. I'm relieved to see it's only your finicky nature to blame."

I scowled and crossed my arms over my chest. "This is normal?"

Mother patted me on the head, chuckling, and I ducked out of reach. "You're nervous because you want to impress her. It's natural. Try not to overthink it, dear."

She breezed up the stairs, and I collapsed on a sofa to wait, until I heard the careful tread of Bella's feet. I stood just as she appeared in the doorway. She looked sad again, and I offered her a broad smile, hoping to garner some enthusiasm.

She smiled back. "Where are we headed?"

I offered her my arm, and let out a breath when she took it. "The market, naturally," I told her with a grin. "We're in need of celery, apparently."

"Celery," Bella repeated as we walked out the door, sounding like she'd never _heard_ of celery before. Surely they had celery in Washington? "Do you like celery?"

Surely no one ever had asked me if I liked celery before. "Not particularly. Do you?"

"No," she blushed, and I considered the possibility that she felt as nervous as I did.

"Have you a stance on broccoli, then? I find it terribly offensive," I said, struggling to hold a serious tone. I wanted to make her smile and laugh, because that was what girls seemed to do when they found men interesting, and I wanted Bella to find me interesting. Interesting, and intriguing, and handsome, perhaps.

"I'm indifferent," Bella replied, still blushing like any schoolgirl, but with the hint of a smile around her lips. "What _do_ you like to eat, then?"

I grinned. Her curiosity was a good sign, wasn't it? "Honestly, I'm a terrible sweet-tooth. I like anything sugary." I thought back to the apple tarts baking at home, and my stomach rumbled.

Bella laughed lightly at my response, but it was a distracted laugh, thoughtful.

"And what about you?" I asked her, trying to keep her attention.

"Pasta," she said. "Any kind of pasta."

"Interesting." My mother was right again. I envied the ease with which she read people, even strangers.

"Why is that interesting?" Bella asked, looking around us. People were staring at us, at Bella's hair hanging past her shoulders, and I knew by the tightening of her hand on my arm that she was aware.

"Honestly? My mother insisted upon changing the dinner menu for tonight once you arrived," I fibbed a bit. It wouldn't do to tell her Mary had been forced to change plans with an extra dinner guest. That was inhospitable. "She swore you'd want pasta. Sometimes I wonder about her…"

Bella looked up at me. "Your mother is very perceptive."

I smiled at the understatement. "Sometimes frighteningly so. She's always seemed to know exactly what's in my head, no matter how hard I try to hide it from her."

"Like what?" Bella asked. I found her hair exceedingly distracting in the sunlight.

"She knew as soon as I started thinking about it that I wanted to fight in the War. She's been doing everything she can to try to keep me here ever since. But as soon as I'm 18, I'll likely be drafted, and then she'll have no choice."

I told her more than I meant to, but she didn't seem to mind, and she didn't look bored. Actually, she seemed fascinated. No one had ever looked so interested in anything I had to say.

"Why do you want to fight?" Bella asked, eyes wide. Was she…afraid for me? She didn't even know me.

"When this war is over," I explained, "the men who fought will be the most honored men in the country. I don't want to stay behind and be thought a coward, or have anyone say that I didn't have what it took."

"But what if you don't come back? Millions of men are dying over there. You'd rather die than be thought weak? Isn't there anything you really _want_ to do?" Bella asked, clutching my arm, a hint of desperation in her voice.

I wanted to ask why she cared, but I didn't. "Do you always ask so many questions?"

"Yes," she declared firmly. "I'm curious."

I pushed back a laugh and shrugged in answer to her questions. "I've never really known what I want. But I want to do _something_ with my life."

She squeezed my arm and smiled up at me. "I think you will."

"I hope you're right," I replied, unexpectedly touched by her vote of confidence. I looked up and saw the market spreading before us, and I let out a sigh. "Well, here we are."

Bella's eyes widened dramatically as she surveyed the scene. She had probably never seen such a large market before; her proclaimed curiosity was more than apparent in the way her eyes roamed over the scene before us.

I tugged her through the familiar surroundings, letting her eyes wander while I aimed for the produce stalls.

"Are all these people here every day?" Bella asked, awestruck.

I paused at a flash of green. "Some of them," I told her distractedly. Spinach, lettuce, cabbage…no celery. I sighed and continued on. "Others only come here occasionally, to drum up business. Most of the artisans have shops of their own."

"Oh." Bella finally looked at me. "There's nothing like this in Washington."

I chuckled at her wonder. "I'm sure you've missed out on a lot, up there in the middle of nowhere."

"Yes, I suppose I have," she answered distractedly. She helped me look for the celery then, and we found it after a few minutes of exploration. Once I purchased the bunch, we strolled back through the market, stopping to browse whenever Bella saw something interesting, which was often. Her fascination was a treat to watch.

I followed her to a table of jewelry. Her eyes landed on a tray of rings, and I watched her close her eyes and grasp the edge of the table, as if overcome.

I reached forward, placing a hand on her shoulder, concerned. Was she ill? "Bella? What's the matter?"

Her eyes opened, looking at me helplessly, and I realized she wasn't sick; she was near tears. Over a table of rings.

"You…left someone behind, didn't you? In Washington?" I said as the thought occurred to me. Bella winced, and that was all the answer I needed. My stomach dropped unexpectedly.

"S-sort of," Bella gulped. "It was out of my control. There was nothing I could do…"

I turned my eyes to the ground, unable to look at her devastated face any longer. "You were in love?"

"Yes," she breathed, striking me with that slight sound. My chest hurt, and I squeezed her shoulder, as if I could keep her there with me.

"I'm sorry. I wish…I wish there was something I could do…" I said, though what I truly wished for was a way to make her forget.

"Thank you." Her hand reached up to grip mine, still lingering on her shoulder. "Let's go home, shall we?"

"Of course," I swallowed, taking her by the hand. It wasn't quite proper, but she didn't fight me, and I wanted to establish some connection with this woman who might be completely unreachable.

Perhaps my mother's uncanny instincts had failed her this time.

* * *

**A/N:** The plan was to update this story every Thursday (and Bonne Foi every Tuesday). And then, predictably, I got a job which sucks up all my time, so I've been totally knocked off schedule. Until I learn to manage my new work schedule better, I'll be posting one chapter a week, alternating between stories. So, this chapter for this week, and a new chapter of Bonne Foi next week, and so on.


	4. Chapter 4

**Title: **Anatomy of a Human

**Author:** Amethyst Jackson

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** Companion to Only Human. Edward's young life is irreversibly altered when a mysterious girl in strange clothing stumbles into his world.

**Disclaimer:** _Twilight_ and its characters belongs to a whole lot of people, namely Stephenie Meyer and whomever she chooses to share the rights with, but I'm not one of those people. I wish I was, because I could use the cash, but I am making no money off this story or any other derivative work, so there's nothing to sue me for.

* * *

**Chapter Four**

"What are your first impressions of Chicago?" I asked Bella while we strolled back to the house, trying to make small talk that wouldn't bring up bad memories for her. I carried the celery in one hand and gave the other arm to Bella. Her hand tucked neatly into the crook of my elbow.

"It's a lovely city," Bella replied, looking around her, as if for confirmation. "Much different from anything in Washington, but I enjoy how lively everything seems here. It's nice to be able to walk down the street and be anonymous. Everyone is in everyone else's business back in Forks."

"Forks?" I repeated incredulously. "Is that the town you're from?"

"Yes," Bella nodded. "Have you…heard of it?"

I laughed. "No, never. But really, Forks? Is it near Spoons? Perhaps in Cutlery County?"

Bella rolled her eyes, but she smiled. "Har-har."

"But seriously," I said, nudging her, "what's it like? Where you're from?"

Bella shrugged. "Washington is very undeveloped. Where I'm from, the Olympic Peninsula, is very undeveloped. There's Seattle, of course, but away from the Sound, it's mostly…trees. Forests, mountains, lots of small towns. And it rains all the time. It's nothing at all like Chicago."

"Do you think you'll miss it?" I wondered. I'd love for her to be so enchanted with this city that she'd never want to leave. So soon after meeting her, I already wanted a guarantee that she would always be around.

"I do miss it," Bella said slowly, as though weighing her words carefully. "But there's nothing for me in Washington right now."

"And do you think you'll be happy in Chicago?" I asked just as we were turning onto our street.

Her eyes held something back as she looked at me, considering her answer. "Yes, I think I will."

"I'm glad," I said, and I did a poor job of hiding my enthusiasm for the prospect.

* * *

We sat in the parlor for the afternoon, passing the time until dinner. Normally, I would have retreated up to my room, or lazed about under the tree in the front yard, but the lure of Bella's presence remained too novel to resist. She sat in the arm chair no one ever used, looking for all the world like she sat there every day of her life, reading a barely-touched edition of _Jane Eyre_. From the sound of it, she wasn't making much progress. I never heard the rustle of a page turning in her corner of the room.

I met my mother's eye when the sound of an engine approached, rumbling violently outside the house before switching off. My mother's smile tightened, and we both glanced nervously at Bella, who had also reacted to the commotion. My father, though not unkind, would certainly be concerned with the appearances of a young, unknown, unmarried girl staying with us. I had faith in my mother's ability to convince Father to let Bella stay, but I worried he would say or do something to reveal his distaste at the prospect.

"That will be your father," Mother said absently, staring out the window. She attempted to compose her expression for Bella's sake, but didn't succeed very well. As the front door opened, Mother stood, ready to greet Father. I stood as well in preparation to intervene, should my assistance prove necessary. Bella, eyes darting between us uncertainly, stood as well.

Father waltzed into the room in his usual manner, tugging at his collar and swinging his briefcase. He stopped short in the doorway when he realized we had a guest. I tensed, waiting for his reaction.

Mother stepped forward, taking the situation in hand. Cupping Bella's shoulder, she turned to Father with a bright smile. "Edward, darling, this is Bella Swan. She'll be staying with us for a while."

"Pleasure to meet you, Sir," Bella said quietly, dipping into a half-curtsy. Her awkwardness made her all the more endearing to me, though I doubted it would impress my father. For my part, I had seen plenty of young ladies brought up to know how to behave in any situation, and I loved that Bella was not one of those women. It meant she was untainted by society, genuine.

My father offered Bella a polite nod before looking back to Mother for an explanation, not without darting a suspicious glance my way first.

"Would you accompany me to the kitchen, darling?" Mother asked, latching onto Father's arm and sweeping him out of the room. "I want you to try the sauce. I'm not sure you'll like it…"

I knew very well that my father would like the sauce, as we'd just had the dish a week prior, and I marveled at my mother's quick thinking.

Bella sank into her chair. Her face was easy to read, a perfect picture of anxiety, and I smiled at her, trying to appear reassuring.

"Don't worry," I told her. "My mother decides everything in this household, and my father tends to go along with whatever she wants." I glanced reflexively in the direction my parents had left, knowing that, as much as I butted heads with my father, he was at heart a good man. And he absolutely worshipped Mother. They were happy together, and I hoped to one day have that much contentment in my life.

My eyes shifted to Bella, whose eyes looked right past me. An expression of hopeless longing had stolen over her, such that I feared my own fantasies would never come to fruition.

"Do you want to talk about it, Bella?" I asked, for both selfish and unselfish reasons. While I wanted to give her whatever comfort I could, I more desperately wanted to know what had happened in her past that haunted her so thoroughly, and what claim any other man might have on her affections.

"Later," was all she said, and after a brief moment of hurt, I realized she really _did_ mean "later." Of course she wouldn't want to talk about such matters when my parents could return at any moment.

"After dinner, then," I suggested, hoping she wouldn't avoid the conversation. "We could go for a walk, if you like."

"Perfect," Bella agreed, and she didn't look unhappy at the prospect. Maybe she would trust me with her secrets after all. I studied her thoughtful face and knew instinctively that whatever had happened to make this girl so sad had not been her fault.

The dinner bell clanged, interrupting the quiet moment. Bella started and looked to me with a small, perplexed smile.

"Dinner is ready," I explained, and she stood, taking my proffered arm.

"You have a dinner bell?" Bella asked, as though she were unfamiliar with the concept. Maybe she was used to set mealtimes? We didn't have that luxury, given Father's sometimes unpredictable work hours.

"We're usually scattered all around the house at mealtimes. It's the easiest way to get us all to the table," I explained.

"Oh." This seemed to satisfy her, for she said no more as we entered the dining room. Though it wasn't necessarily expected of me, I pulled out Bella's chair for her. Something told me she hadn't often been treated with the respect and care she deserved, and I wanted to show her that.

"I hope you don't mind, Bella, but we don't do things very formally around here," Mother said, passing around the main dish.

"Not at all. I'm not used to a formal atmosphere as it is. I would most likely make a complete fool of myself," Bella admitted, confirming a bit more of what I already suspected about her.

"All the better, then," Father spoke, which surprised me. I had expected him to behave like a typical lawyer this evening – interrogative and bullying. "I tend to make a fool of myself as well."

I glanced at Mother, wondering who this man was and what he'd done with my father. Mother simply smiled and shrugged, and I looked back to Bella, who had relaxed significantly.

"So, Bella," my father said, "my wife tells me you've come all the way from Washington. What brings you to Chicago?"

I winced. Apparently, he'd only been breaking the ice in preparation for the questioning.

"I'm just looking for a fresh start. There was nothing left for me in Washington," Bella said simply, not offering much in the way of information, though I was sure Mother had told Father the whole story.

"I'm surprised you didn't want to go somewhere more glamorous. Why not sunny California?" Father asked, as though making polite conversation, when I knew that tone very well. He was on the hunt for answers. I tried to imagine Bella in California, on a sandy beach, and couldn't do it.

Bella shrugged. "I don't do well with the sun. And I'm not really a glamorous sort of girl. I'd rather just…blend in," she added quietly, and I could see how much she yearned to blend in now.

"I would, too," I agreed, hoping to take some of the heat off her, and wanting to tell her in some small way that I liked her the way she was.

The rest of dinner passed in quiet small talk. Father talked about his day at work, as usual, and Mother replied with what she'd accomplished at home, followed by the daily gossip, which Father enjoyed more than Mother did. Bella, inexplicably, seemed to find it all very interesting, even though she couldn't possibly recognize any of the names coming up, or know the first thing about the practice of law.

Once the table was cleared off and my parents had retreated to the parlor, I reminded Bella of her promise of a walk. She agreed calmly, and soon we were strolling down the street. The neighborhood was lazy and quiet with the approach of twilight. Children returned to the outdoors for a few more hours of play before bedtime, and adults relaxed on porches, enjoying the evening breeze. This had always been my favorite time of day, and Bella seemed to enjoy it, too, looking around her with interest.

Bella remained quiet, however, and I wondered whether she really _wanted_ to talk to me at all. Perhaps, in my eagerness to know her better, I had assumed that Bella wanted to share herself with me as much as I wanted her to do so. _This is exactly the sort of thing my father would do_, I realized with a shock of horror.

"You don't have to talk if you don't want to," I said to Bella, hoping she didn't feel pressured to tell me anything she preferred to keep to herself. "I just thought…it might help."

Bella nodded, and I thought she would choose to remain quiet, but to my surprise, she spoke.

"We were childhood sweethearts," Bella told me, twisting her free hand in her skirt. My heart clenched at the confirmation of another man in her life, and I waited impatiently to hear whether he still held her heart.

Bella went on, not meeting my eyes, "We had always planned to get married, but his parents didn't approve of me. They wanted someone more…polished for their son. So they sent him off to private school, forcing him to leave me behind. He thought it would be alright…he said he would go to make sure we'd have the best life possible together. My parents died while he was away…I had to start working, and that was definitely not the kind of woman his parents would accept. The next time he came home, he had a beautiful blonde on his arm. We never spoke again."

I fumed silently, clenching my teeth around the fury I felt toward that good-for-nothing ass who had been so dishonorable, so vain, so _foolish_ as to forsake Bella for a woman he found more suitable to appearances. I wanted to say all those things, but Bella didn't need to witness the extent of my anger. She needed the kindness she'd been denied by the man she'd trusted.

"I'm sorry, Bella," I said gently, taking her hand in mine, and then, unable to resist, "But he didn't deserve you."

"Why do you say that?" she asked, and she didn't take her hand away.

I weighed my words for only a moment. "He should have fought for you. I would have."

When she was silent too long, I peeked at Bella's face to find it colored with a fierce blush. I had been too forward. Now it was time to retreat.

"What was his name?" I asked, returning to the subject at hand. A moment later, I wished I hadn't asked. Did I _want_ to know his name?

"Jacob Black," she said with a wince of pain.

"Well, he wasn't right for you." I regretted asking, and hated that he still retained enough of her affection to cause her any hurt. "The right person would do anything you asked, unquestioningly."

"I know that now," Bella replied softly.

"Good." What else could I say? How could I be of any comfort to her?

"Is that the hospital?" Bella asked abruptly. I followed her eyes to the building across the street and frowned. Didn't the girl know a hospital when she saw one? What need did she have of a hospital? Was she ill? She looked perfectly healthy.

"Well, that's good to know." Bella offered no further explanation, and I didn't ask, knowing she wouldn't tell me. I would instead be watchful of her. If she were ill, the signs would soon appear, and if she were not, and wanted to visit the hospital for some other reason, I would be aware of the moment she tried to leave the house unattended.

For a walk that had promised answers, it had given me far too many questions. Now was the time to process the information I'd received and wait for further information to arrive.

"It's getting dark," I said, steering her in the direction of the house. "Let's get home."


	5. Chapter 5

**Title: **Anatomy of a Human

**Author:** Amethyst Jackson

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** Companion to Only Human. Edward's young life is irreversibly altered when a mysterious girl in strange clothing stumbles into his world.

**Disclaimer:** _Twilight_ and its characters belongs to a whole lot of people, namely Stephenie Meyer and whomever she chooses to share the rights with, but I'm not one of those people. I wish I was, because I could use the cash, but I am making no money off this story or any other derivative work, so there's nothing to sue me for.

* * *

**Chapter Five**

"Um…"

Mother, Father and I looked up from our solitary pursuits at Bella's hesitant utterance.

"If you'll excuse me, I think I'll go to bed early. It's been a long day," Bella went on, meeting only my mother's eyes. My intuition flickered. Bella was planning _something_, and if the tense set of her shoulders was any indication, the plan was not sleep.

"Of course, you must be quite tired. Sleep well, child."

My father and I stood when Bella did, which gave her pause. She stood staring at us, startled, before blushing deeply and hurrying out of the room.

"Strange young lady, isn't she?" Father murmured as he sat down with his newspaper.

I bristled. "She had a very different life in Washington. You can hardly fault her for that."

Father lowered his newspaper, blinking at me and my outburst. "I never said there was anything wrong with her, Edward. What's gotten into you?"

I pursed my lips.

"I think our son has taken a fancy to our guest," my mother suggested with a smirk. She didn't look up from her knitting, but my father scowled.

"I expect you to behave in a gentlemanly fashion, Son. It wouldn't do for you to be cavorting with a guest in our own home."

I gaped at him. "_Cavorting?_ I would never – I have no intention of – of –" I broke off with a sigh and shook my head. "I think Miss Swan had the right idea. I'm going to bed."

My mother's chuckles followed me up the stairs. _Traitor_. There was absolutely nothing funny about my father's insinuations, and Bella deserved more respect than his comments afforded her. _Strange_. That was just the sort of word my father reserved for people he considered beneath us.

I barricaded myself in my room, but I didn't prepare for bed. I felt too restless, and I was certain, as much as I could be on instinct alone, that Bella was not sleeping, either, even though the light in her room was turned out. A hunch told me, too, that her plans had something to do with her interest in the hospital. I had every intention of staying awake until I was certain she had fallen asleep, even if that meant my eyes were open until dawn.

I sat on my bed in the dark, simply listening, for quite some time. I heard my father shuffle down the hallway not long after I retired, always early to bed and early to rise. For the hour following, the only sound upstairs was my father snoring. Eventually, mother came up, dimming lights as she went. My parents' bedroom door closed, and all was quiet again.

My eyes were growing weary when I heard the slow creak of a door opening, and tiny footsteps crept down the carpeted stairs. I immediately left my room to follow. She had left her door open, and I peeked into the room, finding the bed untouched. It was just as I'd suspected – she'd never intended to go to sleep.

Making a firm effort to be silent, I snuck out to the landing. Bella stood over the table in the foyer, studying the newspaper my father had left behind. How odd. If she'd wanted to read the newspaper so badly, all she had to do was ask.

She was so absorbed in her reading that she didn't hear me approach. Soon curiosity overpowered me, and I had to speak.

"What are you doing up?"

I had kept my voice quiet to avoid waking my parents, but I still managed to startle Bella into dropping the newspaper as she turned to face me.

"I couldn't sleep," she said quickly, twitching her fingers tellingly against the table. She wore her day clothes still, and I had to smile a little at her transparency.

"I went into your room. Your bed is made, and you're still dressed. It doesn't look like you even tried to sleep," I pointed out.

"I made my bed and put my clothes on when I got back up," Bella pressed weakly. I was a little insulted that she thought I might believe that excuse.

"Tell me the truth, Bella. Where are you going?" I asked. No, I was pleading with her to tell me, and perhaps it was my obvious desperation that made her speak the truth.

"The hospital," she sighed, offering nothing more. She ducked her head down, and I had to take a step closer to see her face in the darkness.

"Why?" Why would a young, apparently healthy woman want to visit a hospital in the middle of the night, and why would she prefer to go alone than take an escort? It was nonsensical.

"I need to speak to someone who works there," Bella said vaguely.

"Are you ill, Isabella?" I asked, unable to swallow the question any longer.

Bella shook her head quickly. "No, of course not. The person I need to speak with just happens to be a doctor, but that doesn't have anything to do with my reasoning…"

Who could she possibly want to see that she wouldn't want me or my parents to know of? Her eyes remained downcast, and I had to step forward again to try to find some clue in her expression. There was nothing.

"Is it him?" I finally asked with dread. "Jacob?"

Bella's face twisted oddly. "No, I don't even know where he is right now."

"Who are you going to see, then?" I persisted, wondering who could be worse than Jacob. Could she possibly be involved in something unpleasant, something _illegal?_ I couldn't imagine it. Surely she wasn't.

"An old family friend. He might be able to help me." Still, she refused to give a name, but it appeared to be a sincere answer.

"You can't go alone, and especially not at this hour," I told her. Perhaps she felt safe wandering at night in Washington, but Chicago was a different place altogether. "Why aren't you going in the daytime, anyway?"

"I don't know where he lives," Bella admitted with a trace of sheepishness, "but I do know that he works nights at the hospital. This is the only time I can find him. I have to go."

I sighed, knowing I couldn't argue her out of her plan. "At least let me go with you. It's dangerous."

"I need to talk to him alone, Edward," Bella insisted.

I crossed my arms over my chest, not liking the sound of _that_ at all. "I'll wait outside, then, but I'm coming with you. You're not traipsing the streets of Chicago all by yourself at this hour."

Bella scowled at me while she deliberated. "Fine. But if your parents realize we're gone, you get to come up with an explanation for them."

"If you really are going to visit a family friend, I don't see why we can't tell them the truth," I replied.

"Right," Bella mumbled, heading for the door. I didn't like her evasive demeanor. She was hiding something, and I worried whatever it was could take her out of my life – so soon, when I'd just begun to know her.

We headed into the dark night, hurrying down the empty streets in a way that no two respectable people would at this hour – especially not an unattached man and a young woman. Bella _tried_ to lead the way, but she obviously didn't remember the route. Several times, she tried to take a wrong turn, and it only increased my conviction that I needed to be with her on this outing.

"Who is this friend of yours?" I tried asking when we were a short block away from the building. Maybe she would give more answers now that she'd gotten what she wanted.

"His name is Carlisle," she replied simply.

I frowned. "How do you know him?"

"He was the doctor in our town for a while," Bella supplied. "He didn't like small town life, so he moved back to the city."

Something about that didn't add up. "And how did you know he was here?"

Bella took a beat too long to answer. "Um…well, he kept in touch with some people in town. Word gets around, you know."

"Right. And what makes you so sure he's at _this_ hospital?" I asked, gesturing toward the building before which we now stood.

Bella bit her lip. "I'm guessing."

I wanted to sigh and shake my head, but I doubted it would make any impact upon Bella. "I hope you've guessed correctly."

Bella ignored me and entered the hospital. I followed and wrinkled my nose in immediate reaction to the stench that greeted us. I hoped Bella wouldn't be chatting with this friend of hers long. She charged straight down the rows of cots, headed for an unsuspecting nurse, and I trailed her closely. Just because this was a hospital didn't mean it was safe; criminals could fall ill just the same as gentlemen.

"Excuse me," Bella called out. The nurse, a brunette slightly older than we were, looked up in surprise. "I'm looking for Dr. Cullen, is he here?"

The nurse studied us both, no doubt wondering what on earth the two of us were doing out at this hour.

"Upstairs," she finally said.

"Wait here. Please," Bella said, and I nodded reluctantly. I didn't like it, but I wasn't in a position to argue. I was lucky she'd agreed to let me accompany here at all.

The nurse stood staring at me as Bella disappeared from sight. I fiddled with my shirt cuffs, nervous under her scrutiny. She had the air of a school teacher ready to strike with a ruler any misbehaving students.

"Are you relatives of Dr. Cullen?" she eventually asked.

"Er, no. I don't know him at all," I replied awkwardly.

The nurse tilted her head. "And the girl?"

"She says Dr. Cullen is a friend from her hometown," I said, then hesitated. It wouldn't do to interrogate a woman, but I very much wanted to know more about the mysterious doctor. "Has Dr. Cullen been here long?"

"A couple years," she said. "Maybe three."

I hesitated, long enough that she turned to walk away. "If I might ask," I said hurriedly, recapturing her attention, "What is the doctor like?"

The nurse pursed her lips and stepped closer, looking around her before leaning in. "He's very strange," she said in a hushed voice. "He's our youngest doctor, very handsome, but he doesn't behave as a young man should. He actually requests the night shifts. Most our doctors will do anything to avoid them. He never speaks of anyone, neither friends nor family. As far as I can tell, he doesn't socialize at all. The two of you are the first healthy people that have ever come looking for him."

"Very strange indeed," I murmured, left with yet more questions. "Thank you, miss."

"You're welcome. You might wait for the young lady near the front, sir. Some of our patients like to roam at night, and they're not all fully sane."

"Thank you for the warning," I said, now quite nervous. The nurse returned to her work, and I wrestled between staying where I was to wait for Bella and doing as I had been advised. Eventually, I gave way to my nerves and headed to the front. Surely the doctor would accompany her down to ensure her safety.

Standing near the exit, I contemplated the mystery of Dr. Cullen. Why would a purportedly young and handsome man go so far out of his way to avoid society? Clearly, that was his intention. Would he not want to seek a wife? Was he…waiting for somebody?

Bella had told me she'd loved a man named Jacob Black, and that he had broken her heart, but could there be more to the story, or another story entirely? Had Dr. Cullen been more to her than the town doctor, and could she be more to them?

Lost in such thoughts, I started when Bella returned.

"Thanks for waiting," she said, and I raised my head to find her alone. Dr. Cullen had not walked her down the stairs. That didn't strike me as the behavior of a suitor _or_ a friend.

"Was he able to help?" I asked her, unable to voice all the questions I truly wanted answered.

"Yes," she said, already making her way outside. I followed behind her, watching tendrils of hair play against the back of her pale neck. My mother had helped her arrange it into a conventional style before dinner. "He's going to help me look for some kind of employment and a place to stay."

A place to stay? With him? "You already have a place to stay," I said, stepping close to her. I wondered if I sounded as surly as I felt.

"But I can't stay with your family forever. I don't want to impose upon their kindness," she said, eyes downcast.

I shook my head quickly, eager to rid her of any ideas of leaving our home. "We _want_ you to stay." Perhaps I was taking liberties; my father would probably be happier to make her someone else's responsibility. _I_ wanted her to stay, however, and I'd spent a lifetime sacrificing what I wanted in the name of my father's expectations.

Bella looked at me with sad and surprised eyes. "But you hardly know me."

I shrugged, allowing that, but there was no denying my instant infatuation. "I feel like I've known you forever."

"I feel the same way," Bella said. She watched her feet progress across the ground, and I struggled to understand her expression. "But this all sort of scares me…"

My heart clenched at the thought of Bella fearing anything, especially me. I took her hand, needing to cement the connection I knew we both felt. "I don't want you to be afraid." I was already dreaming of courtship, a proposal of marriage, a little home of our own. I wanted her to desire those things as much as I did.

Bella didn't smile, but her hand tightened around my fingers. "I'll try not to be," she said, and I knew I would hold her to that promise.

* * *

**A/N:** Hello dear readers! For those who don't know, **Fandom Gives Back** is in full swing and I have five active auctions for stories. Links will be posted in my profile, but here are my offerings: 1) A preview of my next big fic, set to post once BF is done - it's a historical piece in the Regency Era (think Jane Austen), so if you like historical, you might be interested. There's a team in place to buy it, so consider joining! 2) An EPoV outtake from A Madman's Mercy, set during their stay at Isle Esme. There's a team in place for this one, too. 3) A Bonne Foi outtake of the winner's choice. 4) A sequel to my one-shot "Coming Into Being." 5) A one-shot of the winner's choice.

Like I said, links to the auctions and team information will be in my profile. All it takes is a pledge of just $1 to join either of the teams, both of which I fully endorse, so seriously think about getting on board!

All auctions end on July 3rd at midnight, so hurry!


	6. Chapter 6

**Title: **Anatomy of a Human

**Author:** Amethyst Jackson

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** Companion to Only Human. Edward's young life is irreversibly altered when a mysterious girl in strange clothing stumbles into his world.

**Disclaimer:** _Twilight_ and its characters belongs to a whole lot of people, namely Stephenie Meyer and whomever she chooses to share the rights with, but I'm not one of those people. I wish I was, because I could use the cash, but I am making no money off this story or any other derivative work, so there's nothing to sue me for.

* * *

**Chapter Six**

"I think I need to find a job," Bella announced, the morning after we'd visited her doctor friend.

"A job?" I repeated, uncertain as to what she meant.

"Uh, work. Employment. I can't depend upon the kindness of your family forever."

I sat up straighter on the sofa, shaking my head. "Of course you can. At the very least, you can depend upon _my_ kindness."

Bella's expression went wonderfully soft and tender. More than anything, I wanted to kiss her slightly smiling mouth.

"I believe you, Edward, of course. But...my parents raised me to be independent, to take care of myself. I have to try. Do you understand?"

I looked at her determined eyes, staring at me from across the coffee table, and I knew there would be no arguing with her. As much as the thought of Bella away from home, working long hours, frustrated me, I also adored her just a little bit more for her resolve.

"Very well. But I'm going with you," I insisted, shuddering to think of all the people out there who could take advantage of this girl, who, for all her strength and stubbornness, retained an air of naivety that would get her into trouble one day.

"I'm perfectly capable of managing on my own, but fine. I won't say no to your company."

"I should hope not," I said in mock-offense. Her quiet laugh was a sweet reward. "Besides, I need to make sure you don't end up in a factory somewhere."

Bella rolled her eyes at me. "Let's just go, shall we?"

And so it began, three days in the blistering heat of Chicago in July, scouring shop windows for help-wanted signs. I distracted her at every opportunity. Stopping her at shop displays, dragging her into a park, taking her to lunch: I did my utmost to keep her from her search. Bella must have realized what I was doing, but she said nothing – humoring, perhaps, my selfish desire to keep her to myself. Deep down, I knew it was possible that Bella didn't _want_ to stay with my family indefinitely, but I preferred to accept her excuse of an independent streak.

The universe seemed to conspire with me in keeping Bella away from gainful employment. By the end of the first day, I doubted she would find anything. Every last shop, restaurant, and hotel turned her away, and I began to suspect the reason, but I kept my mouth shut.

"I'm never going to find anything," Bella complained. "Maybe I _should_ try the factories."

"No, absolutely not," I said, steering her down the sidewalk – toward home. "I forbid you to work in such a place."

Bella turned her head. "Just what's wrong with factories? Plenty of respectable people work in them."

I let out a quick breath through my nose. "I'm not being snobbish, Bella. Factory work is grueling and dangerous, and you'll be stuck working from dawn 'til dusk. I don't want that for you, and I have a feeling you don't want that either."

"Well, not especially, no," Bella admitted, sheepish. "But I do want to do something. I hate not providing for myself."

"You know, any sane girl would be husband-hunting instead of looking for work," I pointed out. I was fishing, and shamelessly. I wanted to hear that she had no such inclination, or even better, that the only man she would have was standing right next to her.

Instead of giving me what I wanted, Bella snorted. "Just what do you think my chances there are? Who would have me?"

"I would," I declared, certain she would believe me to be joking, which I was, to an extent...but _God_, how I loved the thought of it.

"Oh? Is that a proposal?" Her raised eyebrow said a great deal more than her words did.

"Yes." Maybe she'd take me up on it.

Bella huffed, walking faster. "Gee, thanks."

"Is that an acceptance?" I pushed, wanting something, _anything_ from her.

She shook her head, laughing at me. "Yeah, sure."

"I'll hold you to that," I said, already fantasizing of a day when I would get down on one knee and ask for her hand... In the meantime, I was beginning to think of ways to woo her. Places I could take her, if she would only agree to accompany me. And when, after dinner that night, my mother mentioned having to miss the Benedicts' annual ball, I knew what I wanted to do.

At the end of the second day, I could sense Bella's frustration with her search for employment. It didn't help that we were both of us drenched in sweat from our day's efforts.

"I wonder why no one will have me, anyway? I've never had any trouble finding work before. And how can I be overqualified for cooking and cleaning?" she ranted. "Or too young? You would think, when it comes to that sort of labor, that younger would be better!"

I sighed. I rather hoped I wouldn't have to explain the issue to her.

"What?" she demanded.

"I suppose this isn't the case in Washington," I began reluctantly, "but a lot of employers try to fill jobs like that with negroes. They can pay them less."

Bella stared at me, aghast. "But that's not right!"

"No, it's not. But unfortunately, that's the way it is."

At the end of the third day, I could see defeat in Bella's eyes. Today's rejections had been particularly brutal.

"Can I convince you to give up now?" I asked. We were especially bedraggled, plagued with the fatigue of three hard days in a row.

"Yes, I think you probably can," Bella sighed. Her fingers pushed the free tendrils of her hair away from her face. Try as she might, she couldn't conform her hair to the rigid styles of our time, and I rather adored that. Sometimes, when a breeze would kick up, one of those strands would graze my cheek, and the light sensation threatened to overpower me.

"Thank goodness," I said in response to her words, though my thoughts were still on her hair, and the hand she'd used to brush it back, and the way her bodice pulled tight across her chest when she raised her arm. I cleared my throat. "It's much too hot for this."

"You volunteered to come." It sounded like an accusation.

"To keep you from getting into trouble," I defended. "And it's a good thing I did! You tripped four times today, and if I hadn't caught you the last time, you would have cracked your skull open."

Her cheeks bloomed with pink. "I'm just a little clumsy, that's all."

I laughed. "Did I forget to mention the paper cut? And the jug of water you spilled? And the car that nearly ran you over? You're like a magnet for trouble!"

Her face fell, and I wondered if I'd offended her. But a look at her eyes told me she wasn't paying me any mind at all.

"What's wrong, Bella? I've lost you."

"Just embarrassed to have my clumsiness so eloquently detailed," she mumbled. "What about you? Surely you have your flaws, too."

I decided not to press the issue. "My mother always says I think too much."

Bella smiled widely, with me in the present again. "Hmm, I can see that. I don't think it's a bad thing, though."

"No?" I sensed an opening, and I wasn't about to waste it. "What if I was thinking about you?"

Bella seemed to sense the seriousness of my tone. "That...wouldn't be bad, either."

"Really?" I let out a breath. "Because I'm serious, Bella. I never thought I'd meet someone who company I enjoyed more than my own, but these past few days...the more I know you, the more I want to be near you."

I realized right away that I hadn't been quite as eloquent as I'd hoped, but the way she was looking up at me made me bolder still. My hands moved, possessed by my hopeless infatuation, to cup her flushed face. Her eyes darted around my face, finally settling on my eyes.

"Edward..."

And because I was terrified she would ask me to step away, I leaned in and kissed her. I'd never kissed anyone but my mother before, and that was on the cheek, but this...this was really something. I knew, no matter how long I lived, that I would never forget the softness of her lips.

Of course, just as I was discovering how much I wanted to kiss Bella again and again, I realized she wasn't kissing back.

With that harsh awakening, I dropped my hands and stepped away.

"I'm sorry - I know it's too soon for that, but I just -"

"It's okay," she interrupted, and I peeked up at her face. She smiled a little and took my hand. "I didn't mind."

An uncontrollable grin spread across my face. My exuberance amused Bella, I could tell, but I felt no shame. Bella ought to know that I was mad about her. If the suffragettes were to be trusted, after all, it was her right as a woman to make an informed decision – so she really ought to know who her options were, should she choose to take a husband.

We walked along in peaceful silence. Bella fell into one of her pensive moods, and I tried not to interrupt. As she'd reluctantly told me, she had been hurt by a man in the past. That wound would take time to heal, and she would doubtlessly be somber and thoughtful at times until any thought of that shameless lout was wiped from her mind. In the meantime, I would show her how a real man loved a woman – with patience and devotion.

And that was when I remembered my plan.

"Bella?" I waited until I had her full attention. "There's a dance tomorrow. Would you like to go with me?"

Her face betrayed her displeasure at the idea, and my heart plummeted into my stomach. "Um, well, I would, Edward, but I don't have anything to wear, and I really _can't_ dance."

"Come on, it's all in the leading," I pleaded, desperate for the chance to show her how much fun I could be. "And we'll find you something. Please?"

Bella's lips curved at the edges. "All right, but you can't let anyone else dance with me. I'm likely to do someone serious injury."

I laughed, knowing her worries were not unfounded, and more than happy to take all the risk for myself. "Sounds like a bargain to me. Deal."

I floated along through the rest of the evening, eager for tomorrow. There would be a whole heap of people I'd rather not see at the Benedicts' party, but there would also be fine food, and dancing...oh, how I wanted to take my reluctant girl dancing.

After dinner, I caught my mother outside the kitchen to inform her of my plans.

"You mean you actually plan to go to the Benedicts' ball? Voluntarily?" Mother questioned. She cocked her head and then pressed the back of her hand to my forehead, pretending to check for fever.

"Ha ha, Mother."

"Oh, quit scowling. I think it's a fine idea. Your father will be pleased that you'll be spending time with people your own age, and goodness knows Bella would be bored silly at our little dinner party here."

"Have you anything for her to wear, then?" I asked hopefully.

She frowned at me. "Edward, for future reference, you must give a woman at least a week's notice to find proper attire. But, yes, I have something that will do. We'll get it sorted in the morning."

I nodded eagerly. "Thank you, Mother."

Laughing, she ruffled my hair. "Gracious, son. Don't let your father see you this way; he'll have a fit."

I tamed myself as best as I could, somehow managing to achieve enough tranquility to sleep that night. My dreams were an odd mix of Bella and tuxedos and the cherry pie we'd had for dessert.

At some point, I woke. I started, sensing a presence with me in the darkness, but it didn't take long for me to see Bella's form beside my bed, draped in a simple white nightgown.

"Bella? What's wrong?" I asked immediately, struggling to comprehend her appearance in my bedroom. As my eyes adjusted, I took in the expression on her face: lost, scared, sad.

"I just - I miss home," she said. I sat up.

"What can I do?" I knew my question was futile, that there were some things I could not fix for her.

"Can I just stay with you for a while?" Her voice was shy, childlike, and though I knew I ought to protect her reputation and send her back to her bed, I was helpless to turn her away.

"Of course," was my answer. "Come here." I lifted the covers, opening a space which she occupied readily. Because she didn't hesitate to be close to me, I didn't hesitate to curl my body and my arm around her. She was very warm – save for her feet, which were cool as they brushed against mine. Her stomach rose and fell with steady breaths – she fell asleep within minutes of joining me. I took encouragement from that, the possibility that my presence soothed her.

For my part, I lay in stupefied wonder at her petite frame beside me until the rhythm of her breathing lulled me back into slumber.

* * *

**A/N:** And so here we are again, months since a proper update. I do sincerely apologize. Time management never was one of my skills. I won't promise to do better, since I think I might be jinxing myself every time I do. I'll try to get you an update before February arrives.


	7. Chapter 7

**Title: **Anatomy of a Human

**Author:** Amethyst Jackson

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** Companion to Only Human. Edward's young life is irreversibly altered when a mysterious girl in strange clothing stumbles into his world.

**Disclaimer:** _Twilight_ and its characters belongs to a whole lot of people, namely Stephenie Meyer and whomever she chooses to share the rights with, but I'm not one of those people. I wish I was, because I could use the cash, but I am making no money off this story or any other derivative work, so there's nothing to sue me for.

* * *

**Chapter Seven**

I woke just before sunrise, and in the dim light, I gazed at Bella beside me. In her sleep, she'd curled up on her side, facing me. Her face was relaxed, much more peaceful than it had been the night before, her lips graced with a tiny smile, eyelids fluttering with dreams of which I hoped I was a part.

I wondered if she knew that she was beautiful. Some young ladies knew, and it showed; they played coy and fluttered their eyelashes and pursed their lips. Bella, though, never put on airs, and I thought perhaps she didn't realize what power she could wield over men in general. Over me in specific.

Would I ever have a moment like this with Bella again? I hoped I would, and I had every intention of securing a future in which I would wake every morning beside this woman, but there were no guarantees. A million things could take Bella away from me, as I'd realized in recent days. A single girl with no family was vulnerable in our world; she needed someone to provide for her, offer her some security. If I couldn't find a way to do that for her, someone else would.

As if she could hear my tormented thoughts, Bella did something wondrous. Still sleeping, she reached out with a delicate hand, gripped my nightshirt just above my heart, and murmured my name in her sleep.

Had I ever heard a lovelier sound? My name from her lips, unconsciously spoken in the innocence of sleep.

With warmth building in my chest and hope swelling in my heart, I relaxed into my pillows and dared to place my arm around her as I settled back to sleep.

* * *

When I woke the second time, Bella was gone. I pouted a moment, wishing I'd had the opportunity to see her wake beside me. Then I gave myself a mental kick in the pants and dragged myself out of bed to dress for the day.

Down in the kitchen, I found Mary and my mother working on breakfast. I reached to snag a slice of bacon and received a slap to my hand.

"Edward, I need to scold you before you can eat," Mother said, turning to me with a scowl. "I saw Bella coming out of your bedroom this morning."

I flushed to the tips of my ears. "Mother, I promise you, nothing unseemly happened –"

"I've raised you to be a gentleman," she interrupted with a stern glare. "I'm going to trust you to behave as such. Just remember that she's a young girl with no family to protect her honor, and as her friends, we have a duty to fill that role. If you take advantage of her, Edward, I will tan your hide myself. I brought you up better than that."

Swallowing, I nodded. "Yes, Mother, of course. I would _never_ –"

"I know," she sighed. "But you're a young man, and I remember what it's like to be that age. There are things I did with your father before we married that my parents certainly would not have appreciated."

"Mother!" I cringed.

"Sorry, sorry. Have some bacon now," she said, thrusting the platter at me. "Bella's waiting in the dining room. I've already eaten – and now it seems I have a dress to hem."

With that encounter over, I wandered shell-shocked into the dining room.

"Are you all right?" Bella looked at me with concern. I set the bacon down and dropped into the seat across from her.

"Fine," I swallowed. "How are you this morning?"

"Fine," she echoed with a rosy blush. I decided then not to mention the previous night. I knew better than to embarrass a lady.

"Are you...looking forward to tonight?" I asked. My attempt to disguise the eagerness in my voice was lackluster.

"I am," Bella said. She opened her mouth to continue speaking, but paused when Mary entered with the rest of the breakfast spread. We waited awkwardly for Mary to finish her work and leave. By the time we were loading our plates, Bella seemed to have forgotten whatever she was going to say.

"My mother said she was hemming a dress – did she find something for you to wear?" I ventured.

Bella graced me with a genuine smile. "She did. It's a lovely dress. Your mother is really too generous."

"Not at all," I argued. "You should always have lovely things to wear."

"Oh – um – thank you," she said bashfully.

We ate in silence for a moment. I wracked my brain for something neutral to talk about, but could come up with nothing but baseball – a topic in which Bella had never shown any interest.

"So, Edward." I looked up, and Bella's eyes were focused on her plate. "Your mother, um...she saw me coming out of your room this morning."

I let out a sigh, relieved. "I know."

Her brown eyes flew up to mine. "You do?"

I nodded. "She gave me a very stern lecturing in the kitchen just now. I hope she was easier on you."

"Actually, she told me she trusted us not to do anything inappropriate."

"Oh." If my mother trusted me, she had a funny way of showing it.

"I just hope she doesn't think any less of me," Bella whispered with worry on her brow.

"She doesn't," I promised.

* * *

I quickly learned that my expectations for the day were not in line with reality. I'd thought, with the evening to look forward to, and the events of the night before behind us, that I would attain a deeper sense of closeness with Bella.

As it happened, my mother stole her away after lunch to try on the hemmed dress, and she only returned for a brief period of time before my mother was whisking her away to "prepare." I didn't know exactly what female preparations for a gala entailed, but I had serious doubts that it required such a significant amount of time.

For my part, I fidgeted. I tried to read, but couldn't focus. I tried to play piano, but my mind drifted too often. I tried going outside and bouncing a ball off the back of the house, but Mary came out and hollered at me.

The time finally arrived when I felt justified in dressing for the evening. I took care, fastidious, double-checking every button and straightening my bow-tie again and again. Then I applied a large amount of pomade to my hair as I combed it back, feeling that I ought to make a special effort for Bella's sake. She oughtn't be out and about on the arm of someone looking like a ruffian.

Unfortunately, the whole process took much less time than I'd anticipated, and I found myself downstairs, sitting at the piano, still much too distracted to play. I felt that an eternity must have passed before I finally, _finally_ heard footsteps on the stairs.

I whirled around to see Bella entering the room, a vision in a cream silk dress. It fell elegantly over her petite frame, trailing around her ankles, where beaded shoes peeked out. At my gaze, she blushed, even under the rouge on her cheeks, and her painted red lips smiled shyly. Her hair was swept gracefully off her long neck, pinned into a careful formation. Had there been any doubt before, it vanished at the sight of her: I was completely in love with Isabella Swan.

I stood slowly, unable to take my eyes off her. "Very well done, Mother," I murmured, approaching Bella with care, as one might approach a mythical creature that could at any moment disappear. "You're like something from a dream. I wish I could stop time and keep you like this forever."

Bella smiled as if I'd told a joke – did she believe me to be insincere? "You look pretty handsome yourself."

I couldn't help grinning. She thought I was handsome. I reached out for her hand. "Shall we?"

"I guess so," was her response, and I tucked her hand into the crook of my elbow to walk her out to the car. A glance at her face told me she didn't share my elation for the night to come, and her hesitation only seemed to increase when we reached the car.

"Are you that afraid of my driving?" I asked as I handed her into the vehicle.

"No. Well, I do hope you keep the speed reasonable," she hedged with an apprehensive glance at the steering wheel. "But won't your parents need it tonight?"

"No, my parents are hosting dinner at home," I told her. Reluctantly, I let go of her hand, closed the door, and walked around to the driver's side. Now I was a little nervous. I'd been alone with Bella before, of course, but this was different. Settling in the driver's seat, starting the engine, I wondered if I was in fact interesting enough to entertain Bella for a full evening. What if she found me dull? What if I simply _was_ dull?

"So…who are these people?" Bella asked, startling me enough that I jerked the wheel a bit, but she didn't seem to notice my error. "The ones throwing this party, I mean."

"The Benedicts," I told her, which brought to mind the sophisticated couple...and _Rebecca._ Dash it all. I'd forgotten about her in my eagerness to take Bella somewhere besides the market.

"You don't like them," Bella surmised in reaction to my facial expression, which was undoubtedly one of distress at this moment.

"No, no, they're fine," I sighed, glancing over at Bella and her ever-curious eyes. Should I tell her? Would it appear ungentlemanly? No, I must tell her. "But...well, you may as well be warned now. They have an…overzealous daughter. I tend to do whatever I can to avoid her."

I monitored her reaction carefully. Did she think me a cad, speaking this way about a young lady? Was she...jealous, perhaps? I enjoyed that possibility more than I should. But soon, her thoughtful frown turned to a sly smile.

"So, you decided to take me with you this time as a human shield," she teased.

"No!" I cried, distressed that she should think I'd asked her along for any reason other than to woo her. "Until yesterday I had every intention of staying home, as usual, but I thought it might be pleasant to attend for once with someone whose company I truly enjoy."

In the dark, I couldn't see the blush on her cheeks, but I suspected it was there if her shyly pleased smile was any indication. "Well, still, I'll be prepared to beat the other girls away. Can't leave your virtue unprotected."

I couldn't suppress a laugh at the idea. Bella had no idea how my body betrayed me at her slightest movement or sound. "As much as I appreciate that, you, Miss Swan, are the last person who should be guarding my virtue."

"And why is that?" Oh, she had to ask – but I was glad. I knew I ought to hide my bodily attraction to her, but I very much wanted her to know.

"Because, Bella, you're the one woman I would be very much tempted to throw my virtue away for."

I waited a beat, afraid of her reaction, but when I glanced over, her mouth hung open. Damn. I'd gone too far.

"I'm sorry," I rushed to apologize. "I've offended you, haven't I? I shouldn't have said that. It was inappropriate."

Bella grinned...almost as though she was humoring me. "No, you haven't offended me. Just surprised me, that's all. Maybe your virtue doesn't need as much protecting as I thought."

I laughed with relief just as the Benedicts' driveway came into view. I turned onto the long avenue and peeked at my companion again. "No, Bella, I think you'd better get out the sword and shield," I said, remembering my past experiences at this annual soiree. "My virtue is in definite need of your assistance."

Stalled in the line of cars inching toward the door, I turned to Bella, who gave me an uneasy smile. "I think you'd better remember your promise. Don't let anyone else dance with me."

I hadn't realized she'd extracted that promise in earnest, but how I intended to keep it! I leaned closer, as if to tell her a secret, but mostly just to catch the scent of her hair. "Of course I won't, Bella," I told her. "It's in my best interests to guard your virtue, you know."

Flushed, fighting a smile, she shook her head. "You will be the death of me, Edward Masen."

Hearing her say my name that way, with that look in her eyes, I felt certain this would be a wonderful night.

* * *

**A/N: I offer the usual apologies for the slow updates, and thank those of you who are still here for your patience. You leave the most wonderful, heartwarming reviews for this story and for dear Humanward, and I'll keep endeavoring to give you more. I know, also, that the chapters are short – but Only Human was on the short side, and I'm matching the chapters of this story with the original chapters.**

**For those following my other stories, I'll be focusing on updating Madman's Mercy next, and then Bonne Foi. I'm also still working on several pieces which I offered for Fandom Gives Back and other charitable causes.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Title:** Anatomy of a Human

**Author:** Amethyst Jackson

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** Companion to Only Human. Edward's young life is irreversibly altered when a mysterious girl in strange clothing stumbles into his world.

**Disclaimer:** Twilight and its characters belongs to a whole lot of people, namely Stephenie Meyer and whomever she chooses to share the rights with, but I'm not one of those people. I wish I was, because I could use the cash, but I am making no money off this story or any other derivative work, so there's nothing to sue me for.

* * *

**Chapter Eight**

I led Bella into the opulent foyer of the Benedict home, watching her study her surroundings. Personally, I didn't agree with the Benedicts' idea of tasteful décor, but they were old money – old for an American family, at any rate – and had always been intent on showing it. I wondered how Bella felt about it, whether this kind of lifestyle would appeal to her. She seemed quite fascinated with this mansion, but was that what would make her happy?

She tightened her hand's grip on my arm, and I had to know. "What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking I'm going to embarrass myself very badly during the course of the evening, knowing me," she said.

_What reason could you ever have to feel embarrassed, you sweet, darling girl?_ I wanted to say, but I had already said too much to her tonight. "Don't worry so much, Bella," I said instead. "I'll keep you upright."

"Good luck," she muttered, but I felt her relax.

We approached the doorway where Mr. and Mrs. Benedict stood, greeting their guests. I was glad to see a steady stream of people following in behind us, which meant there wouldn't be too much conversation over introductions.

"Edward!" Mrs. Benedict cried as soon as she laid eyes on me. I suspected she'd long harbored hopes that I would come to court her daughter, though she was far too proper to ever say anything to that effect. "Oh, I'm delighted you decided to come after all. And who is this delightful young lady?"

I forced a smile. Everything was "delightful" with Mrs. Benedict. "This is Bella Swan. She's with us for the summer," I explained, having decided before leaving the house the best way to characterize our relationship in public, for propriety's sake. I peeked at Bella, seeing some tension in her smile. "Bella, allow me to introduce John and Claire Benedict."

"It's wonderful to meet you," Bella said with perfect politeness.

"And you as well," Mrs. Benedict replied cheerfully. "Edward, be sure to introduce her to Rebecca. She's already run off with her friends, but she'll be so glad to see you."

I led Bella away, trying to keep my expression composed. Evidently, I failed.

"Let me guess," Bella said, and I could hear a smile in her voice, "She's the one I need to be warding off with a stick?"

I sighed, surveying the room. "Sadly, yes. But hopefully we can avoid – oh, damn. Never mind."

Rebecca Benedict was all but barreling through the room, making a beeline for me. I'd dealt with this before, but not without my parents nearby to discourage any true impropriety. My father never could understand why I wanted nothing to do with her. She was pretty, of course – not beautiful, but pretty – and she was the daughter of a good family. Five minutes in her company, however, generally left me both bored and painfully uncomfortable.

"Edward, you came!" she cried before I could turn to gage Bella's reaction, but I felt her fingers tighten around my arm. Rebecca paid no mind, latching onto my other arm and already trying to tug me off to some unknown destination.

I glanced at Bella, wondering if this was the opportunity I'd been waiting for to fend off Rebecca's advances for good.

"Yes, I thought Bella might enjoy it." I pulled my arm away from Rebecca to place my hand over Bella's and watched with grim satisfaction as Rebecca's eyes narrowed.

"Yes, he was afraid I would be getting bored – my Edward is so considerate, isn't he?" Bella said casually, and I stared at her. _My Edward,_ she'd said, claiming me as her own to a stranger. I wondered why she said it, whether she did it simply to help me out of a sticky situation or because she _wanted_ me to be hers. And while her words surprised me, the warmth I felt in response was no surprise at all. Little did she know, she already owned me, body and soul.

"Oh, yes, how nice of him," Rebecca said, seeming to realize she'd been forgotten in an instant. I didn't miss the dark expression she directed toward Bella, but when she turned her eyes back to me, it was all coy innocence. "Will you at least save a dance for me, Edward?"

"I'm afraid I haven't any to spare," I replied, a little too coolly to be polite. I had no desire to dance with her, and besides, I'd made a promise to Bella to be the only one she danced with tonight. I intended for her to be my only partner in return.

"Oh, well…" a hint of a blush grazed her cheeks, and I worried I'd been too harsh with her. I knew Rebecca Benedict, however, and she would take any kindness as encouragement. "Would you like to join us for a game of cards? We were just about to start."

"No, thank you," I said with growing exasperation. "There are a few more people I'd like Bella to meet."

Bella squeezed my arm, a quiet reassurance of her presence, and I relaxed some. It would take more than one over-enthusiastic girl to ruin the night as long as Bella was by my side.

"Well, enjoy yourselves, then," she said forlornly. "I'll see you later."

And finally, she was gone.

"Are there really more people you want me to meet?" Bella asked. I could sense her apprehension, and I was happy to counter her fears.

"No, I just didn't want to play cards," I admitted to her, so grateful to have her with me, so happy she'd claimed me as her own, even if it were only a ploy. "Brilliantly handled, by the way. I think I'll make you the full-time custodian of _your_ Edward's virtue."

She blushed, but didn't look away. "I think that's a job I'd like to take. What are the wages?" she asked, perfectly coy.

"Hmm." I loved that she matched my boldness with her own. "I think the wages are negotiable. Why don't we start with my undying affection and go from there?"

"I don't know…" she said in mock contemplation. "I think I'm going to need your undying affection _and_ your eternal devotion."

"Done," I grinned readily. Would she shy away if she knew she already had both? I watched her reaction carefully. Her smile stayed in place, but her eyes darkened with something secret, something to which I worried I would never by privy.

"So," she forced a smile, "What do we do now?"

I tried to ignore the pang her sudden distance caused. I had to remember that she'd loved once and been repaid with betrayal. With time, surely, that sadness would vanish from her eyes. "Well, dinner will be served shortly, and after that, the dancing will start."

"And are we going to keep standing here until then?"

"No, as much as I'd like that, we should probably make the rounds," I sighed. The time before dinner was time for mingling, and mingling was not a strength of mine. "This is the part I'd rather skip."

"I feel the same way, but I don't think I should encourage you to shirk from your social obligations," Bella said conspiratorially.

I smiled at her attempt to cheer me. "Well, then, brace yourself."

I begrudgingly led Bella around the room, steering her toward the older friends of my parents who I knew would be reserved but polite. There were those in the room that would seek to question her about her background, and I studiously avoided them. Tonight should be nothing but enjoyment for Bella.

I stopped in my tracks when I saw the group by the large fireplace. The cloud of smoke from their cigarettes had kept me from seeing them clearly, but I now realize that Norman Bouchard was among them – and I had no intention of introducing Bella to the likes of him. As I turned to drag her away from them, however, I heard him call out my name. I turned to look at his smug face and reluctantly stayed put. I wouldn't go to him by any means, but I wouldn't embarrass Bella by causing a scene.

"Edward," Norman drawled in that slimy voice of his, "Introduce us to your friend." The men around him were eyeing Bella in the same manner as Norman – a manner I didn't appreciate at all.

"This is Bella," I said shortly. I didn't want to give him anything more than that. Bella was a treasure, and if I knew Norman, he would treat her as a conquest.

"Come now, Eddie, don't be so rude. I'm Norman Bouchard," he said to Bella, holding out his hand for her to shake. I was more pleased than I could ever express when her right hand remained clutched in the folds of her dress.

"Nice to meet you," she said civilly.

Norman smirked as though the whole affair were a joke to him – as it likely was. "Edward and I attend the same school," he told Bella, ignoring my growing ire. "We had the pleasure of boarding together last year."

"Fascinating," Bella murmured, glancing up at me for answers I could not give. My frustration grew.

"I hate to end the reunion, but we have a few more introductions to make. See you later," I said briskly, even knowing reports of my odd behavior would be circulating the next day. I towed Bella away as quickly as I dared.

"What was that all about?" she asked. I could feel her eyes assessing me, no doubt wondering at my behavior.

"Norman Bouchard is…not a gentleman," I told her reluctantly, the anger seeping into my voice. "In fact, he delights in seducing women and boasting about it later."

When Bella replied, her tone was oddly…playful. "Aww, Edward – don't worry. I'm too smart to fall for his tricks."

I turned to her, fighting a smile. "Yes, I can see you doing a lot of damage to him first. But that doesn't mean I have to stand there and watch him ogle you." I felt my grin turn to a scowl at the thought.

"Oh, Edward. You're adorable when you get possessive and jealous," she teased.

"I'm not possessive. Or jealous," I denied. Of course, I was both.

"Of course you are," she confirmed. "But I really don't mind – I think it's sweet."

She was suddenly so affectionate, flirtatious even, and as much as I rejoiced in it, I couldn't help feeling a trifle…hurt that she never treated me this way when I let my feelings for her show. Why did she keep me at a distance?

"What's the matter, Edward?"

I sighed, wishing she hadn't asked, but unable to resist the opportunity to ask. "I don't know exactly what to make of you, Bella. There are moments like these when I think you might feel as much as I do – and then other times it's as though you're miles away, like you're dreaming of someone else…"

Bella's face twisted with remorse, and I felt awful. Why did I say anything? She stepped closer and placed both hands around my arm. "Edward, I promise, every part of me is with you."

"Every part?" I was so full of hope, it all but leaked from my skin.

"Every part," she promised, eyes bright and sincere. "Of course, it's not easy to let go of the past completely – but with you…that's where I want to be."

"You really mean it?" My heart swelled larger with each breath. "You're not just saying it –"

"I wouldn't lie about this," she said, and my smile felt too large for my face. How could I ever explain the power she held over me?

A clock chime interrupted what was as yet the happiest moment of my life. "Time for the meal. Are you ready?"

Her nod was sure and her smile was free of all past shadows. "Yes. Let's go."

* * *

**A/N: I'm sorry for leaving this story hanging for so long. Most of the next chapter is written, so I'll have that to you this week.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Title:** Anatomy of a Human

**Author:** Amethyst Jackson

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** Companion to Only Human. Edward's young life is irreversibly altered when a mysterious girl in strange clothing stumbles into his world.

**Disclaimer:** Twilight and its characters belongs to a whole lot of people, namely Stephenie Meyer and whomever she chooses to share the rights with, but I'm not one of those people. I wish I was, because I could use the cash, but I am making no money off this story or any other derivative work, so there's nothing to sue me for.

* * *

**Chapter Nine**

Dinner was a vast improvement on the evening. Norman Bouchard was seated far away, as was Rebecca Benedict, and Bella was all mine. She spoke briefly with the man seated on her opposite side, for politeness' sake, as far as I could tell, but after that all her attention was focused on me, and I did nothing to change that. I had eyes for her alone.

As we ate, we commented on the food – she seemed overly interested in my food preferences in general, but I didn't mind. And I asked what her life had been like in Washington. Her answers were always vague, never with the personal anecdotes that denoted a happy life. I felt deeply for her and hoped I could give her everything she'd lacked heretofore.

"Tell me about your school," Bella said when I'd exhausted my questions for her. "Where is it? How long have you gone there?"

While I smiled at her interest, the thought of going back to that cold place and its impersonal lodgings, and leaving Bella behind, had my stomach in knots. "It's a school in Pennsylvania that prepares students for higher education – I've been there for five years now. My father wants me to go into law, like him; I'm sure he's already trying to pull strings at Harvard, even though I've a year to go."

Harvard…if I went off to Harvard, could Bella come with me? Would she wait for me to finish my education? Until I did, I couldn't provide a life for her…marriage would be out of the question. How many others would offer for her hand before I was free to do so? If only I could enlist…Bella and I could marry before I went abroad, and I could send my wages home to her…it was what I'd wanted to do anyway, become a soldier.

"And you don't want to be a lawyer?" she guessed. She pushed a bit of meat around her plate, apparently reluctant to eat it. I wondered if she'd ever been served quail before.

"I suppose it would be a tolerable profession, but it's never held much interest to me," I admitted to her. I'd never even told my own mother that I didn't want to be a lawyer. She knew anyway, of course, but I'd never said the words aloud.

"What would you like to do, then?" Bella asked.

Edward grinned, thinking of my plans, the pride that would shine on my loved ones' faces when I returned a hero. Perhaps Bella would welcome me home with a kiss. "Go to war, of course."

To my surprise, Bella rolled her eyes at me. The last time I'd rolled my eyes in polite company, my mother had given me such a spanking that I _still_ had skin missing – and I'd been eight years old at the time. "_Besides_ that. The War won't last forever."

Apparently, she wasn't enthusiastic about my newly concocted plan. "I don't know. I've never really thought about it. I like music…but that's not much of a profession, is it?"

"It could be," she said, all smiles once more, "If you wanted it to be. You could be the next great composer."

Her excitement warmed my heart, but at the same time, I worried. Was she encouraging me to follow such whims because she saw no future with me? "A lot of the great composers were miserable. Their lives were really scandalous, too – how could I do that to my future wife and children?"

"Maybe you could break the mold and become a non-scandalous composer. I'm sure your family would happily support you."

She was so infuriatingly vague. Couldn't she see I lived and died by her every word? "Would _you_ marry a composer?"

"If I loved him, yes," she said softly and swiftly took a drink of water.

"Hmm." I reached for my glass to wet my own dry lips. Then I asked my boldest question yet. "What sort of man could you fall in love with, then?"

"Well…" she began as seriously and carefully as I had asked, "I would want someone kind, but with strong principles…. Someone who would always have my best interests at heart. Someone I could talk to easily, but could also be with comfortably without talking…. Someone who would love me unconditionally," she concluded.

Kind, principled, easy to talk to – did Bella see any of those qualities in me? I would strive to be all those things for her.

A servant stepped between Bella and I, clearing away the current courses and forcing us to break eye contact. When the plates were cleared, Bella had obviously moved to a different train of thought.

"What's the story with Norman? You really seemed to dislike him."

I stiffened against the worry that she might actually _see something_ in that worthless cad. I'd seen him do some truly horrible things in the past year, the worst of which concluded with a young woman weeping and screaming openly outside our door, drawing the eyes of all the students in residence. Norman had deflowered her, promising love and devotion, but the next day, he'd publically spurned her. She was ruined, and I'd spent the night in the library while the event took place, knowing what was happening in our living quarters. If I told Bella about that, she'd think me as rotten as Norman.

"It's just like I told you," I gritted out.

"Are you not telling me because it's that bad, or are you just afraid of offending my delicate feminine sensibilities?" Bella asked, once again reading me with uncanny accuracy.

"It's just that…he used to take girls to our room. And I should have reported it, or tried to stop him, but…"

"He would have found a way no matter what you did, Edward," she consoled, apparently unsurprised at what I'd revealed. "You would have just made your own life miserable by going against him, I'd imagine. He seems like the vindictive type."

I let out a long breath. "So you don't think I'm – that I'm –"

"A co-conspirator in a series of dastardly deeds? No, Edward, I don't," Bella said, chuckling behind a gloved hand.

I threw in the towel. This woman would forever baffle me. "This is funny to you."

"A little, but I did say I liked strong principles, didn't I?"

I couldn't suppress my smile as I realized what she was telling me, but I didn't comment. The night was now perfect. "The next course will be the last, you know. Then the dancing will begin."

Bella actually groaned aloud, drawing several eyes to us. I laughed in spite of myself, amused both at her aghast expression and bright pink cheeks.

"You know I'm going to step on your feet, right?" she hissed under her breath, mindful of the people around us.

As if I cared! "If I have it my way, you'll be stepping on my feet all night."

* * *

I led Bella out to the dance floor with a smile on my face. She looked like she was being led to slaughter, but I wasn't terribly worried about that; I was certain she would be fine once we started dancing. In her anxiety, Bella was oblivious to the eyes on us, but I saw the looks of envy thrown our way from people who weren't as happy with their dance partners as I was.

Bella looked up at me in apprehension when we took our place on the floor. Apparently, she really didn't know how to dance.

"Don't worry, just let me lead," I told her, placing her right hand on my shoulder, taking her left in mine.

"Your feet are in for a world of hurt," she warned me as the music began. I just chuckled and led her into a foxtrot.

She was right, of course, and I shouldn't have doubted her. Bella was a _terrible_ dancer. I mostly pulled and pushed her along while she stumbled helplessly, but she didn't seem to mind. For me, the pain of my crushed toes was completely worth the pleasure of holding her in my arms and staring unabashedly at her face.

As the night wore on, the music slowed, allowing for a more leisurely pace. Bella did better with less speed, and I held her increasingly closer – as close as propriety would allow. I was blissfully happy. I'd been thinking about the possibilities for days, and now I was certain: I wanted to marry this girl.

"Is this as horrible as you imagined?" I whispered in her ear, hoping to hear she was as happy as I was.

She pulled back minutely and smiled. "Not quite."

"Damned by faint praise," I sighed, fighting the urge to laugh. "I suppose I'll have to work harder to impress you."

Bella laughed dismissively. "You don't need to impress me, Edward."

"For what I want, yes, I think I still have more impressing to do," I replied, half-hoping she would ask what I meant. I wanted to confess everything to her. I wanted to get down on my knees right there in the middle of the crowd and beg her for her hand, but I felt certain she would refuse me now.

Bella didn't ask, and perhaps that was for the best. We were quiet, dancing slowly until I realized she was barely moving. A closer look at her face told me her eyes were drooping shut.

"I suppose I should get you home before you fall asleep here on the dance floor," I said. I didn't want to leave this moment behind and risk losing this incredible feeling, but reality could not be ignored forever.

"Probably a good idea," she mumbled sleepily, relying rather heavily on my arm around her waist to keep her upright. I didn't mind, of course.

Fortunately, we had stayed late enough not to need to make any excuses. Other guests were leaving, too, and we had only to stroll along in the line drifting past the Benedicts at the door.

Bella was barely mobile by the time we reached the car, so I lifted her inside. She didn't even seem to notice until she was on the seat. As soon as I moved away from her, I missed the weight of her body against mine. Once in the driver's side, I pulled Bella against me, and she dozed all the way home. She was painfully adorable in her sleepiness; I wanted to protect her and dote upon her.

By the time I pulled up in front of the house, she was fully asleep. I lifted her into my arms with some difficulty and somehow maneuvered my way into the house with her.

"I can walk," she slurred, waking. She wriggled, trying to get free, and I paused at the foot of the stairs to gather my balance.

"Be still or I might drop you," I warned her. Her body relaxed against mine, and I steadied her before I began slowly to climb the stairs. I took her to her room and sat her on the bed. She swayed, but surprised me by managing to sit up still. I wanted to let her go straight to sleep, but her pinned-up hair couldn't be comfortable to sleep on, and she probably wouldn't want to sleep in her clothes.

I did the only thing I could to help her and pulled the gloves from her hands. Even that simple motion felt painfully erotic to me, watching the silk slip away and her pale white hands come into view. I had to get away from her before I did something I would regret.

"Do you need help? I can get my mother," I offered her, hoping she would accept. Of course, it would not be that simple.

"No, no, don't wake her. But will you help me get the pins out of my hair? I don't think I could find them all…"

"All right," I said, letting out a shaky laugh as I turned to switch on one of the gas lamps. I was tense and too eager at the prospect of burying my fingers in her hair. Did she have any idea how alluring she was?

I approached her and peered down at her head. "Goodness, what did my mother do to it?" I wondered aloud.

Bella let out a disparaging snort. "That's what it takes to make a girl like me beautiful."

How could she think such a thing, when I spent every moment in her presence trying not to stare? I shook my head and frowned as I began plucking out pins. They were seemingly everywhere. "You're always beautiful, silly girl."

"Only you seem to think so," she said, fighting through a yawn. I had to search now for the pins, digging my fingers through her heavy brown locks. "Maybe that means something."

"Maybe," I agreed. I didn't believe her, but I wasn't about to go reminding her of all her other options.

She grew quiet as I leaned over her, looking for the tiny pins in the back of her up-do. I let my fingers linger, focusing on the smooth texture of her hair and the soft skin at the back of her neck. This was bad; I was only more desperate to touch other parts of her. I couldn't summon control over my thoughts.

Finally, I pulled out the final pin.

"There." The last bit of her hair that had been held up fell down to her shoulder, and I couldn't resist combing my fingers through the slightly tangled strands.

"Thank you." Her eyes closed and she leaned into my touch, sending my heart jumping into my throat. I wanted so much from her right now, and that only exacerbated my fears that I would never have those things.

"I'm glad you came with me tonight," I told her, needed to let something, anything of what I was feeling out. My thumb found the soft strip of skin behind her ear and lingered. Bella let out a little purr of enjoyment that sent my blood racing. I froze in agonized desire.

"I'm glad, too," she said, blinking up at me. Her eyes were clear and bright, sincere. She was so innocent, it seemed to me.

"I should let you sleep now," I whispered, pulling my hand away reluctantly. I had to leave. There was too much to tempt me here.

"All right." She sounded disappointed. This girl would be the death of me.

"Goodnight, Bella." I meant to turn and leave, but I couldn't with her looking at me like that. Instead, I found myself leaning in to press my lips to hers like a man enthralled. The siren parted her lips, beckoning me inside, and helpless, I slid my tongue into her mouth. Bella kissed me eagerly, winding her velvet tongue with mine. I couldn't stand it anymore when her moan vibrated through me. I felt close to bursting, and not only figuratively.

"I'd better go," I gasped, "before I do something we'll both regret."

She nodded, eyes shut tight. Her cheeks were pinker than the rouge my mother had put on her. "Yes, that might be for the best."

I lingered in the doorway, getting one last look at her, adorably mussed after our kiss. Oh, how I wanted to stay.

"Goodnight," I said, probably revealing all of my longing in that one word.

"Goodnight, Edward."

I forced myself to step into the hallway and pull the door shut behind me. Then it was one step at a time until I reached my own room. The door latched behind me and I let out a sigh.

My trousers were feeling…exceptionally tight. I grimaced. I'd never felt so out of control before when it came to that side of my nature. How was I supposed to prove to Bella that I was a gentleman, a worthy man, if I couldn't keep my body in check?

I felt too tightly wound to possibly sleep at the moment, but I didn't dare leave my room again. Instead, I undressed, feeling the incredible relief of taking off the restricting dress clothes. I hesitated to put on my pajamas. There was no way I could sleep with an erection like this, and there was only one good way to get rid of it….

I gave in and took off my underpants, glaring down at my traitorous appendage. Why couldn't it just obey my mind like the rest of my body?

With a sigh, I sat down on the edge of my bed and pulled a handkerchief out of my bedside table drawer, settling into the usual routine. Feeling ridiculous, as always, I licked my hand, wrapped it around myself, and began to stroke.

I truly tried not to think about Bella. I tried to think of women I'd found attractive in the past. I even tried to think of the filthy pictures boys passed around at school. But none of it helped, and my thoughts inevitably drifted back to Bella, and her hands and her eyes and her lips. I thought about our kiss just minutes ago; I thought about holding her in my bed the night before.

I imagined her petite hands in place of mine, and grabbed for the handkerchief to catch my release.

As I returned to some semblance of rationality, I looked down at my body and my messed handkerchief with distaste. I couldn't believe I'd done _that_, thinking of Bella.

I was such a cad.

* * *

**A/N: I hope that was more satisfying for you than the previous chapter...innuendo intended.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Title:** Anatomy of a Human

**Author:** Amethyst Jackson

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** Companion to Only Human. Edward's young life is irreversibly altered when a mysterious girl in strange clothing stumbles into his world.

**Disclaimer:** Twilight and its characters belongs to a whole lot of people, namely Stephenie Meyer and whomever she chooses to share the rights with, but I'm not one of those people. I wish I was, because I could use the cash, but I am making no money off this story or any other derivative work, so there's nothing to sue me for.

**Chapter Ten**

The morning after the party, I woke perhaps as energized as I'd ever been. Today was another day I would get to spend with Bella – with luck and persistence, I could be another day closer to winning her heart and her hand.

I didn't dwell on my behavior alone in my room last night. Yes, I was completely debauched, but as long as I involved only myself in my perversions, it would be up to God alone to judge me.

I just prayed my mother never found out.

"Worry about those things in church on Sunday," I said to myself as I got out of bed. Today was meant for finding new ways to woo Bella and devise our future together.

I dressed quickly, though carefully, and hurried down to breakfast. The sight of Bella's open door and made-up bed put a spring in my step, knowing she was already awake. Entering the dining room, I was pleased to see only Bella at the table.

"Good morning," I all but sang. I took my seat across from her and began piling my plate with food in order to satisfy my suddenly voracious appetite.

"Good morning," she laughed, watching my antics. "You look as though you slept well."

"I did, very well. And you?"

"Like the dead," she said wryly. "All that dancing wore me out."

"Did you enjoy yourself last night, though?" I asked, suddenly unsure. She'd told me last night, I knew, but I needed to hear it again.

Her face was soft, understanding instinctively. "Yes, of course."

"So…had you any thought as to what you might like to do today?" I asked her before taking in a mouthful of eggs.

"I should really go see Dr. Cullen today," she said. The food turned to lead in my mouth. I didn't like the thought of her going to see the doctor, who was very young, according to the nurse I'd spoken to at the hospital, in addition to being unmarried and handsome. And I absolutely hated that he knew Bella's past in a way I didn't.

"I'll go with you," I said briskly. I simply couldn't let her have another private rendezvous with a young, handsome doctor.

"Edward, I think it's better that I go alone," she said firmly. I bristled.

"Would I be in the way somehow?" I asked, and not waiting for an answer, "It's not safe for you to wander the city alone."

Her face turned hard. "I can take care of myself, Edward. I'm going alone."

I sat back, defeated. If I argued, I would only make her angry with me. My expression must have been telling because her gaze turned pitying, and that was worse than anger.

"Edward, have you forgotten last night entirely?" she asked softly. "Trust me when I say that it's not that I don't want you there. I just have some things I need to talk to Dr. Cullen about privately."

I swallowed down my fears as well as I could. "Very well. I'm sorry for being…" but I trailed off, unsure _how_ exactly I'd been.

She grinned, eyes shining with some private joke. "You're not sorry, but it's okay. It's part of what makes you who you are."

* * *

Bella didn't go to see Dr. Cullen until the afternoon. We spent the rest of the morning playing cards in the parlor and exchanging friendly jibes. I accused her of cheating, even though I knew she did no such thing, just so I could retaliate and make her laugh with my antics.

Once she was gone, I sat forlornly by the window, watching for her return. It was pathetic, I knew, and I'd be sitting here for hours, but nothing else held any interest for me. Was love always like this, I wondered? My parents claimed to have been in love once, yet I never saw either of my parents behaving this way. Did it ease with time, the need to be always with her?

At some point, my mother entered the room and sat down with some knitting.

"How was the party?" she asked me, drawing my gaze away from the window. "You got in rather late."

"It was wonderful," I admitted. Some children were playing baseball in the street, and I envied them the simplicity of their lives.

"I probably danced with her too long," I went on, knowing she would want more details – and needing to tell _someone_ about the ache I felt. "She was exhausted when we got home. But I couldn't help myself. And I couldn't bring myself to leave her side all night. There will be gossip. But I don't care."

When I turned around, my mother looked like the cat that ate the canary. "What?" she said. "I always knew you'd fall in love with her. It was all over your face the first time I saw you talking to her."

"I want to marry her," I said, uneasy. My father wouldn't like it. I wasn't supposed to marry until after law school, and I definitely wasn't supposed to marry a girl with no family, no money, and no connections. But somehow, my father's disapproval didn't scare me as much as it used to. I would risk it for her. The only question was what I _would_ do to earn a living. That had to be resolved before I could even think of proposing marriage.

"Again, I'm not surprised," my mother smiled. "Things will all work out, somehow. Someday. I can see it."

I frowned. I wasn't one to doubt my mother, but I definitely didn't like the way she'd phrased that. Someday? Someday could be years down the road. I wanted a life with Bella right now.

I sighed out the window and watched the light change as the sun gradually lowered in the west. As the light grew dim, I began to worry. Why wasn't Bella home yet?

"Why isn't Bella home yet?" I fretted aloud, turning to my mother.

"Calm down, darling. She said this doctor was an old friend of the family. I'm sure they had some catching up to do, and I'm sure he'll see her safely home," she told me, never once looking up from her work. Still, I felt uneasy. This doctor hadn't even shown his face when we went to the hospital. Would he really go to the effort to bring her home?

I stood and began to pace. If she wasn't here in _five minutes_ I was going to look for her. This was purely unacceptable. Didn't she know how I would worry? Didn't she –

I paused. From the open window, I heard her voice carrying up the street, and a male voice as well. Perhaps the doctor had brought her home.

Now the voices were closer, and I stiffened in alarm. I _knew_ that other voice, and it wasn't her doctor friend.

I rushed to the front porch.

"Bella!" I heard Norman yelling as I opened the front door, "Don't be angry. I only want to give you what a beautiful woman like yourself deserves."

"I know what you think I deserve, and trust me, I don't want it!" Bella shouted back at him just as she came through the gate, and came hurtling toward me. As soon as she reached me, she crashed into my arms, and the relief I should have felt at having her with me was dampened by the crushing fear that something terrible could have happened to her. I knew very well that Norman was not the only unsavory character on the streets of Chicago.

I should never have let her go alone.

"Bella!" Norman still called after her, reaching our gate. I clutched Bella tightly to me and looked on at Norman with utter fury. I'd seen him seduce and ruin countless women, but how _dare_ he pursue Bella? She was far too good for the likes of him. She was without a doubt the most precious thing in the world.

I looked down at her face, which was pale with fright. "Are you all right?" I asked quietly enough that Norman would not hear. She simply nodded in response.

"Edward!" Norman called loudly from the gate. He looked pleased as punch. I was ready to punch him. "Bella and I were just discussing the best way to please a woman. You'd better take good care of her needs, lest she should go looking for satisfaction elsewhere."

"I heard the end of your conversation," I said, shaking with anger that he would dare proposition Bella in such a way. "And it's one you will _not_ be having again."

Norman laughed glibly and began to walk away. "We'll see about that!" he threw over his shoulder. I squeezed my arm tighter around Bella, determined never to let her encounter that worthless rake again.

"I was just about to come looking for you," I said through slow breaths, trying to calm myself. "It was getting dark…I was worried. For good reason, evidently."

Bella smiled up at me without humor. "I don't think you really have to worry. Norman's a pain, but I don't think he'd step too far out of line."

I scowled, having seen him step far beyond all the lines. "You don't know him. He's absolutely relentless – he never stops until he gets what he wants. The challenge only makes it more fun for him."

Bella's face twisted with something unpleasant. "I've had worse, Edward. Don't worry."

"As if I could just stop worrying about you," I scoffed. "You and I both know the kind of trouble you can get up to under normal circumstances. I can only imagine what happens when someone's determined to cause the trouble for you."

"I manage well enough," she huffed, pulling away from me. "Really, Edward, I don't want you stewing over this."

"I do _not_ stew," I insisted as I ushered her into the house.

"Of course you do, dear," my mother said, who happened to be standing right inside the foyer. "Now let Bella freshen up before dinner."

I shot a dark look at my mother as Bella darted up the stairs. Whose side was she on, anyway?

"You know, mother, you could be a little more helpful in all of this," I grumbled. "Put a good word in, perhaps?"

She simply laughed at me. "Oh, Edward. If you want your marriage to be a happy one, it's best she know all your faults before you reach the altar. Trust me on that one."

_All_ my faults? I felt a little nauseous. Did that mean she needed to know what I'd done before bed last night? What if she was appalled?

"Relax," my mother huffed. "She cares for you. That's obvious. What you need to worry about now is showing her that she'd be making a good choice. That's all."

"That's all, indeed," I muttered under my breath. "Fine advice."

* * *

**A/N: I am on a roll, man. So the truth is, now that work is boring and quiet again, this is way more fun to do at work than filing...**


	11. Chapter 11

**Title:** Anatomy of a Human

**Author:** Amethyst Jackson

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** Companion to Only Human. Edward's young life is irreversibly altered when a mysterious girl in strange clothing stumbles into his world.

**Disclaimer:** Twilight and its characters belongs to a whole lot of people, namely Stephenie Meyer and whomever she chooses to share the rights with, but I'm not one of those people. I wish I was, because I could use the cash, but I am making no money off this story or any other derivative work, so there's nothing to sue me for.

* * *

**Chapter Eleven**

Time trickled by slowly as August arrived. Chicago was sweltering with one of the hottest summers on record. Open windows could do little to combat the stifling heat that shimmered in waves over the streets.

We'd largely stayed indoors, preferring to slowly bake inside rather than quickly broil under the bright sun. Staying in was fine by me – it meant keeping Bella safely away from unfriendly eyes and hands – but my mother had admonished me this morning for keeping her cooped up. Now I was looking for Bella even as I racked my brain for things we could do outside the house.

I stopped dead outside the parlor, watching her. She was reading a book, trying to salvage what little breeze would come through the windows. I watched the line of sweat trickle down her smooth neck; the sight swamped me with heat, and suddenly I was in desperate need of relief…

I composed my expression and joined her on the sofa, throwing my legs over one arm – I prayed my mother didn't walk in and see – and allowing my head to fall audaciously into Bella's lap. Oh heavens, the heat of her right now – the shape of her thighs beneath me –

"It's really not _that_ bad, Edward," Bella said, marking her page and setting her book aside.

"It is!" I groaned and closed my eyes, even knowing we weren't talking at all about the same thing. Bella undoubtedly referred to the heat that surrounded us; my woes stemmed from the heat Bella aroused within me.

"What do you propose I do about it?" Bella asked. I could feel her laughing at me – if only she knew what a dangerous question she'd posed.

"I don't know," I mumbled. I couldn't see how I could ever find respite from my roiling desires, aside from taking an ice bath. Unfortunately, cold water might be hard to find within the city. Unless…unless we left the city! I opened my eyes and stared up at her face, avoiding any lingering glances at her bosom. "Come swimming with me!"

She didn't seem appalled by the idea. "Swimming? Where?"

"Outside the city," I said eagerly, now sitting up. I could be alone with her…in the water… "We have a vacation house – we haven't gone this year because my father's been too busy with work – and there's a wonderful creek on the property; it's perfect for swimming."

Bella looked tempted. "I don't have anything to wear," she pointed out. "And how will we get there?"

Oh, dear, she wouldn't have a swimming costume, would she? But all the more reason to swim in private than, say, in the lake. No one would see her – no one but me, anyway. It would be a grueling test of my willpower, but it would be worth it. "I'll hire a horse and buggy. And we'll swim in our skivvies. No one will see us, and I swear, I'll be the perfect gentleman. Come on, Bella…please?"

"Oh, all right. I'll go," she relented after a moment of contemplation.

"Wait here!" I grinned, so excited I could hardly stand it. I rushed upstairs and found the linen closet with the towels in it. My mother found me digging around in there.

"What are you doing?" she asked. I couldn't see her, but I could almost _hear_ her hands rest on her hips.

"Getting towels," I said readily, emerging with a stack. "I'm taking Bella to the summer house."

My mother gave me a stern look and took half the stack back. "You don't need that many. And is that a good idea? Your father especially will not like the thought of you and Bella alone together without him or me nearby."

I shrugged. "Father can only stay angry for so long, and I _have_ been alone with Bella before. I haven't done anything ungentlemanly yet, and I don't intend to start now." Although, thinking about it further, I _had_ kissed her after the Benedicts' party, and I'd certainly been ungentlemanly in what I'd done in my room afterward….

"Very well, do as you will," my mother sighed. "But please, be careful."

"Of course." As if I would be anything but careful with Bella.

I hurried downstairs and ducked into the kitchen to grab some food for a picnic later.

"Excuse me, young man!" Mary exclaimed as I snatched a loaf of bread, some apples, a rind of cheese from the pantry. I dodged Mary's swatting hands as I ran back to the parlor.

Bella had taken up her book again, but she looked to me when I entered breathless. "What's all that?"

"Food, towels," I grinned, "You know, supplies. You ready to go?"

We left the house arm-and-arm, and I led Bella the few blocks to the nearest stable I knew of. I had sweat trickling down my back, and I'm sure Bella felt even worse, but I knew we'd both feel better once we were out of the city and in the open air.

I spent a few irritating minutes negotiating with the owner over his daily rate. Finally, we reached an agreement and I helped Bella into the carriage before I paid the man. Then I hopped up beside her, and we were on our way.

As I expected, getting into the open fields outside the city helped drastically. The wind moved freely, relieving some of the overwhelming heat.

"Does it get this hot in Washington?" I wondered.

"No," Bella answered with such a wistful smile, it made my chest hurt. "The sun isn't out enough. It rains too much."

"Sounds dreary," I said, not wanting her to miss a place that had nothing to do with me and everything to do with a past love.

"I used to think so, too," she laughed. "But it grows on you."

"You miss it, don't you?" I hoped it was only the land she missed.

"I miss the life I had, before my parents died," she said, speaking slowly and carefully. "I miss having a home and a family. But my geographical location isn't so important to me."

My heart broke for her and all she'd lost. "You know your home can be with us, right?" I said, leaning closer to her, unable to keep the words from spilling forth. "You never have to be alone again. I would – "

The touch of her hand on mine halted me. "Thank you," she said quietly. "I appreciate that."

I swallowed down my discontent, never sure where I stood with Bella. It was an unpleasant feeling, competing with a shadow from the past, and I was growing weary. We passed the rest of the ride in silence, mine perhaps more sullen than hers. Soon, however, I saw the road leading to the summer house, and I led the horses down it.

"That wasn't far," Bella said, taking in our surroundings with curious eyes. At least the fog of the past seemed to have lifted.

"My father doesn't like to be too far from the city. He has some demanding clients that he needs to stay close to," I explained. Other families would head north this time of year to lake-side homes, far from the demands of city life, but we never escaped.

I slowed the carriage as we approached the house, allowing Bella to take in the view. Was she imagining, as I was, the summers we could spend here, relaxing in the shade, sipping iced tea? Her eyes revealed nothing as they gazed at the sprawling house.

"What do you think?" I asked, always too impatient for my own good.

"It's enchanting," she said with a lovely smile in my direction. "Do you often have guests here?"

"Yes, my mother likes to entertain. Of course, she'd like it better if she had better people to entertain, but beggars can't be choosers, right?" I jested, already out of the carriage and removing the horses' harnesses. I was impatient to show her the creek.

"There's a stable in the back still, but I think it's locked up," I explained as I tied the horses to the rail posts on the porch in a nice, shaded area where they could graze. Fortunately, we were used to hitching horses in the front yard, and the water pump was nearby to fill a small trough. "Normally we'd send servants ahead to prepare the place."

Bella nodded, simply watching as though she'd never seen a man tend to a horse before. Surely they used horses in Washington?

Finished with my work, I reached for her hand and led her down the path to the water. "The creek is a little ways out, in the woods," I explained to her as I held a branch out of our way. "I swam there all the time as a boy, although not so much of late. It seemed too undignified."

Bella laughed lightly. "And it's not too undignified for you now?"

I could only smile at her. Had she not noticed that I filtered nothing where she was concerned? "I don't mind being undignified with you. I can't help feeling as though…as though you would accept me unconditionally," I said hopefully. As my mother said, it was better for her to know my faults and want me anyway…and in moments like this, I believed Bella could.

"I would," Bella confirmed, sending my heart a-flutter. "And you would do the same, wouldn't you?"

"Without question," I said, without hesitation. We travelled deeper and deeper into the forest, requiring more of my concentration to lead us over the uneven ground and clear low-hanging branches out of our way.

"Here we are," I said when I spotted the sun glinting off the water. It was as clear as I remembered, the creek bed lined with pebbles, and just deep enough to fully submerge oneself. Giddy with excitement, I began unhooking my suspenders without thinking – but I soon noticed Bella's stare and slowed my hands.

"I'll keep my back turned until you're in the water," I promised, and hastened to strip down to my shorts. Bella turned around and began to undo her buttons. I caught a glimpse of skin on her shoulders that made my body flare to life, and I jumped into the water before she could turn and see my untoward reactions to her.

I heard Bella's splash as she entered the water and I turned. She'd gone all the way under, and I couldn't resist sending a spray of water her way as soon as she surfaced. Bella sputtered and splashed back, scowling playfully – I hoped.

"That's not very gentlemanly," she complained. If only she knew what I was thinking about the thin straps over her shoulders and the water droplets along her collarbone. "You could at least have given me time to recover."

I sent another wave at her to distract myself. "Being a gentleman all the time isn't much fun."

She grinned and splashed back. "Then _don't_ be a gentleman all the time."

I gulped down all the temptations that threatened to bubble over and ducked under the water. I kept my eyes shut but still grabbed for her ankle underneath the water. She shrieked and shoved me away, and I came up laughing.

"Did you think I was a shark?" I teased.

She swam away from me. "Sharks are the _least_ of my worries."

I chased after her, and the afternoon flew by as we played in the water. In some ways, I felt like a child again, as carefree as I could ever remember being…and at some moments, I felt so aware of my manhood I could hardly stand it. Bella seemed oblivious to my torment, and I was glad. She was smiling, and laughing, and that was everything I'd hoped for today.

When the light began to wane and Bella lazed in a shallow area, I swam over to her. She met my eyes and smiled wryly, knowing what I would say.

"We probably shouldn't stay in much longer," I said. I grasped one of her hands and found it pruny as my own. "I wouldn't want you to catch cold."

"Right," Bella sighed, and I knew precisely how she felt. "We should do this again. It was fun."

I beamed at her, completely satisfied. "It was; I haven't felt so carefree in years."

When she didn't move, I turned to clamber up the slippery bank. I turned around to help Bella from the water, unthinking. Her eyes travelled from my face downward, and I followed her gaze, seeing what she'd already seen – my undergarments soaked through, every part of my body visible to her gaze.

Bella looked away quickly, her cheeks bright pink with a blush. My stomach twisted with horror. She was probably appalled by what she'd just seen.

I offered my hand to her still, hoping she would take it. To my relief, she did. But I forgot to look away.

I could feel my eyes widening as she came out of the water. Her cotton shift clung like a second skin to her body, outlining the perfect curves of her breasts and hips. I could see clearly the dark stains of her nipples, the patch of hair between her legs. She could have been naked – not that I would have been complaining if she were, but good heavens, this sight wasn't meant for me.

I jerked my eyes away from her, but the damage had been done. I would never, ever be able to erase that image from my mind. Bella was…perfect. Everything a woman ought to be – soft and curvy and lush. My mind went without permission to the thought of our naked bodies pressing together, how her warm, downy skin would feel against mine…

In the midst of this very thought, I felt Bella barreling into me, and then suddenly I was on the ground, with all of her pressed against me, just like I'd been dreaming of. The tips of her breasts that I'd seen through her shift were now pressed against me. Her legs entwined with mine. The raging fire within me hadn't been quenched at all by the day in the water. I was completely aflame all over again, and every point where Bella's body touched mine was dry kindling.

It was all too much to bear. Looking into her eyes, I could see exactly what I wanted – desire. The fire raged within her as well, thank the heavens. Our bare legs were tangled together; her hands rested on my chest. There was a subtle shift of her body with every breath she took, and that little friction drove me mad. And her hips were dangerously hot over mine. If we were naked, it would take only a small movement to…

"Bella," I groaned, suddenly in motion. This was pure instinct that drove me to pin her beneath me and crush my mouth to hers; I didn't think I could stop myself. Thankfully, she didn't seem to mind – her soft lips responded urgently while her fingers dug into my scalp and her body surged upward to meet mine. I moaned helplessly as our tongues tangled. Nothing, nothing had ever felt this good, and her eager responses made it impossible to stop.

I followed a rivulet of water down her neck with my tongue, so reminiscent of the line of sweat that had captivated me earlier. My hands fell over her hips and her thighs, caressing everywhere I could, though I did not dare to touch the places that tempted me most – her soft breasts or the heated place between her legs that my hips rocked compulsively into…

"Edward!" she moaned, clutching me tighter, and suddenly everything came into sharp focus.

This was Bella, my Bella, and I was rolling around with her on the ground like some kind of animal. She deserved better. I had to give her better.

She released a whine of protest, but I couldn't look at her until I got myself under control.

"I'm sorry, Bella, I can't," I told her, wishing I could marry her this very instant and make her mine again and again.

"Why?" Her voice was hurt, and I mentally kicked myself. I should never have taken things so far. I had ravaged her _and_ hurt her feelings.

"I love you too much, Bella," I admitted, looking into her eyes and pleading with her to understand. "I want to do right by you."

Her eyes were wide, as deep and limitless as the night sky, while she stared back at me. I waited breathless, terrified. Surely I hadn't misunderstood everything between us? Even if she wasn't ready to hear my hopes for our future, surely she reciprocated my feelings in some way.

Her hand reached out to my face, soothing away my fears, and her voice was soft and true when she spoke. "I love you, Edward."

My chest felt too full of happiness; it threatened to burst. Suddenly a bright and beautiful future stretched out before me in a million colorful possibilities, and I was helpless not to reach for it. I clutched her hands as if that would keep her here with me forever.

"Say you'll wait for me, Bella," I begged, watching her startled face carefully for a reaction. "I'm going to quit school, get a job – I'm going to establish myself so I can take care of you. Say you'll be there, Bella, please. Say you'll marry me one day."

If the wait for her first answer was difficult, the wait for this one was excruciating. She could refuse me, I knew. She could tell me I had asked too soon, that she still loved another…

"Yes. Yes, I _will_ marry you one day."

My chest felt full to bursting. I cupped her sweet face in my hands and kissed her again, this time with only pure intentions. "Oh, Bella." _Oh, Bella, Bella, Bella._ "You've made me so happy."

"I'm happy, too."

"Let's stay here tonight," I said impulsively, lying back in the grass and looking up at the halo of sunlight that danced around her. This moment was too perfect to be interrupted. "My mother knows where we are, and I don't have to have the horses back until morning."

"I thought you were doing right by me? Being a gentleman?"

I froze. Hadn't I said…did she really think…? "I didn't mean – of course I won't – "

She laughed and poked me right between the ribs, hitting a ticklish spot. "Relax, I was just having fun at your expense. I know just how virtuous you are."

My face heated with my embarrassment. "I'm just not ready to share you with the rest of the world yet."

Her face softened, and she reclined in the grass beside me. "Perfectly understandable. I never want to share you. Although this really is terribly improper. I wouldn't want your parents to get the wrong idea."

I shook my head, although I knew my mother would be fretting all night and my father would be furious. I would carry that burden alone. "They know better."

Bella sighed contentedly beside me and closed her eyes, and I watched her unabashedly while the sun dried us. She really was the most beautiful creature I could imagine. I'd seen fine statues in museums, supposedly the embodiment of beauty, but they couldn't compare to the reality that lay beside me. And she was going to marry me one day. I made a silent vow to myself: I would cherish her each and every day. I would work my fingers to the bone to keep her from knowing a minute's worry or stress. I would worship her every night. She would always, always know that I loved her.

After a time, the light grew so dim that I knew we could stay no longer. I nudged Bella beside me and stood to help her to her feet. She smiled shyly.

"Time to go?"

I nodded. She reached for her shoes and put them back on, and I did the same, leaving my trousers off for the meantime. It would be time for bed soon, and she couldn't possibly see anything she hadn't already. I pulled my shirt on, but Bella merely folded her dress over her arm.

I offered her my hand and we began to walk. She stayed close enough that our arms brushed with every step. The tickle of her soft skin gave me wonderful chills.

When we reached the house, I found the spare key beneath a potted plant and unlocked the main door. I left Bella only briefly to check on the horses, but they'd settled down to rest. I found Bella in the smallest parlor, examining a family photo taken when I was ten years old. I thought she might have been crying, but when she turned around, she showed no sign of tears.

"Are you hungry? I'm famished," I said lightly, finding an oil lamp on the mantel.

"Yes, I'm hungry," she said, then chuckled at my clumsy attempts to light the lamp.

"You try doing this in the dark," I tossed over my shoulder, mostly playful.

She laughed and picked up the parcel of food, beginning to unwrap it and set out the spread on the floor. "I'd rather watch you try."

We sat down together on the dry towels that were left and ate our fill, teasing each other all the while. When we finished, she leaned her head on my shoulder and closed her eyes.

"We should go up to bed," I murmured, pushing back a strand of hair that had fallen in her eyes.

"Okay," she sighed sleepily.

We climbed the stairs to the second floor, where all the bedrooms were, and I went to one I knew would be suitably. It had a large bed, its mattress currently stripped, but there was a cedar chest in the corner full of linens. We made up the bed together, and it was the most natural thing to curl up under a blanket with Bella and hold her close. I picked up her left hand, stroking her ring finger.

"You need a ring," I said, wondering how I could obtain a nice one with only the ten dollars I'd been saving up the past few months.

Bella shook her head against my chest, wearing a faraway smile, like she was laughing at a private joke. "That's not important."

"Of course it is," I frowned. "I want the whole world to know you're mine."

"I know I'm yours," Bella said, stretching up and kissing me softly. "That's all that matters."

I kissed her atop her sweet, wonderful head and closed my eyes. Sleep came easily, and I dreamed of a thousand more days like the one we'd just ended.

* * *

**A/N: It wasn't easy to get this chapter done in one day...but working an almost 12-hour shift certainly helped. (And I'll still be here for two more hours - save me!)**


	12. Chapter 12

**Title:** Anatomy of a Human

**Author:** Amethyst Jackson

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** Companion to Only Human. Edward's young life is irreversibly altered when a mysterious girl in strange clothing stumbles into his world.

**Disclaimer:** Twilight and its characters belongs to a whole lot of people, namely Stephenie Meyer and whomever she chooses to share the rights with, but I'm not one of those people. I wish I was, because I could use the cash, but I am making no money off this story or any other derivative work, so there's nothing to sue me for.

* * *

**Chapter Twelve**

When we crept into the house the next morning, I urged Bella to go on upstairs and freshen up. My mother, I knew, would already be awake, and it only took a minute for her to appear in the foyer with a scowl on her face.

"Edward, what on earth were you _thinking_?" she chastised. "Out all night…do you have any idea the sort of gossip this will raise? Poor Bella, she's going to face all kinds of accusations."

I wrung my hands, knowing she was right. "Nothing happened, I swear. And the only people who even know about it are you and Father –"

"- And all the servants in this household!" she interjected. "Some of them will talk, and you know it. I expected better from you. Your father is furious."

"I know. I'm sorry. I just…we just…"

My mother's eyes narrowed shrewdly. "You've asked her, haven't you?"

I sighed. I thought perhaps I'd make it at least one day without her knowing. "Yes. Of course I have. How could I risk letting her slip away from me?"

Her face softened. "Your father won't like it. You know he has plans for you."

I bristled at that. It always came down to my father…but I'd finally found something I truly wanted. "Father doesn't have to like it. He's not the one who has to live his plans. What do _you_ think about it?"

She smiled softly. "I think she's exactly what you need. I'm happy for you. But I don't envy you breaking the news to your father. And don't think I'll tell him for you – you're on your own."

"I know. It's probably better that way," I said, glancing up the stairs where I could hear Bella moving around. "I just…I don't want her to think Father doesn't like her. I don't want her to think she's at fault for anything."

"Then you'd best take care of things quickly before any misunderstandings can arise," she warned, and though I knew she was right, I also knew I wouldn't be taking her advice. I was going to avoid this confrontation with my father as long as I could.

* * *

"Something's wrong," Bella frowned at me. We sat in the backyard on the cozy bench beneath the oak tree on a perfectly idyllic day, but she must have sensed my preoccupation.

"Nothing's wrong," I lied, patting her hand. "I'm just thinking."

"I know you better than that," she huffed as she turned toward me and pulled her legs up onto the bench beneath her. "You're brooding over something."

"No, I'm not," I lied.

"You are, and if you don't tell me, I'll…I won't let you kiss me for a week," she said decisively, and I felt my face fall.

"It's just that I don't want to upset you, Bella. You see…I want to announce our engagement, but I'm worried about what my father will say," I admitted. I didn't tell her the full story, that I was afraid he would give me no choice in the matter and send me back to school by force.

Bella looked down at her folded hands. "He wouldn't approve of you marrying me?"

"It's not you, not at all," I hastened to reassure her. "My father has had it in his head since I was born that I would go to a great school and become a lawyer like him. Until now, there was nothing more important than my parents' approval, so I never argued. I don't think he'll take it well…but now that I know what I want, nothing is going to stop me."

Bella's eyes met mine. She made the perfect picture, dappled with late-afternoon sunlight. "You know I would wait, right? If you wanted to go to school? I don't want to cause any problems in your family –"

I laughed because going to school was the last thing I wanted, and I leaned in to kiss her, just to make sure she wasn't serious about the week without kisses. "I appreciate that, but I can't wait that long for you. Don't worry about my father; I'll handle him. And my mother will be thrilled." Or already was, as the case might be.

We made it through another week before everything went awry.

We were seated at the dining table on a Tuesday evening, and my father decided to make conversation between bites of roast beef. "Edward, have you started packing for school yet?"

I swallowed and glanced at Bella, whose face had gone quite pale. "No, not yet."

"You know they want you up there a week before term starts. That doesn't leave you much time," he went on, paying more attention to his plate than either Bella or me.

I swallowed down my own food through a suddenly tight throat and looked to Bella again for courage. "Actually, Father, about that…I've decided I don't want to return to school."

My father's jaw clenched and I could _hear_ his teeth grinding. I winced. His face was even going a little purple. "Maybe we should discuss this in my office," he said icily, and I knew I was in for it. I stood to follow like a man being led to the gallows, and I reached down for a tight squeeze of Bella's hand before I left.

My father's office had once been a place of comfort to me. The smells of leather furniture, thick paper and black ink were the scents of my childhood. I used to play with my blocks on the rug in the center of the room, used to play with my wooden horses on the well-worn sofa. As I grew older, however, the office became a place of serious discussions which were rarely to my liking.

My father stood behind his chair, furiously packing a pipe which I knew he wouldn't smoke until the confrontation was over. This was his way. Now that he'd started pacing, the anger would soon follow. I watched him with dread. He held my fate in his hands; I only hoped he could respect my resolve.

He set down the pipe and turned to face me.

"Edward, what in heaven's name has gotten into you? Quitting school? What about university, law school? Just what do you think you're going to do with your life without an education of some sort? Work in a factory?"

He was pacing at a quick clip now, and I squirmed in the seat I'd taken.

"I'll work wherever I have to," I said after taking a deep breath. "Father…I don't know exactly what I want to do. But I'm fairly certain I don't want to become a lawyer. And I know for a fact that I don't want to wait for years to marry Bella."

My father finally stopped in his tracks, staring at me in disbelief. "You…intend to marry her?"

"I've asked her, and she's accepted. You're not opposed, are you? I thought you liked her," I said, hoping evincing some guilt would help my cause.

He rubbed his forehead wearily. "I do like her. But that doesn't change the fact that she has no family, nothing to her name –"

"That's hardly her fault," I snapped. You'd think we were living in 1818 instead of 1918. These were supposed to be modern times!

"No, no, of course it's not, it's just…you're young, Edward. You have no idea the kind of challenges life can bring. You should think carefully about how well-equipped you are to meet those challenges, about the kind of woman you want at your side."

"But I have," I argued. It made me crazy when my father went into that perfectly reasonable tone. "I never thought about those things until she came along and made me want to take my life seriously instead of merely going along with the established plan."

My father dropped into his desk chair, a sure sign of concession. I was surprised. I thought I'd have to spend much more time persuading him. "You can be as stubborn as your mother when you set your mind to it, so I'm not going to bother arguing with you any longer. But will you at least compromise with me?"

"Maybe," I said warily, watching my father tap his fingers on the dark wood of his desk. He only did that when he was plotting something.

"Don't make any final decisions right now. Try working in a law firm, see if you like it. I'm sure one of my friends would be happy to employ you as some sort of clerk. You might find you like it. And if you do, you can go back to school."

"And what about Bella?" I asked. She was my primary concern; everything else was peripheral.

"Bella can stay here as long as she likes, of course. We won't send her out on the streets."

"Okay," I sighed, relieved. "I agree to your compromise."

My father occupied me for some time longer with chatter about where I could potentially work, what I could expect from my employment, and what we would need to do in order for me to withdraw from school at such a late date.

When I was finally free, I went looking for Bella. My mother told me she'd gone up to bed early. I doubted she was sleeping but was careful to knock softly nonetheless.

"Come in," she called as though she were expecting me.

I found her reclined on her bed. Usually she'd have a book in her hands, but not tonight. I sprawled out beside her and let my arm fall over my eyes, tired now that all was said and done.

"What happened?" she asked, and she began to run her fingers through my hair in that way I loved. If I could come home to this feeling every night, I would be more than happy, and that made it easy to smile up at her concerned face.

"It went well enough. He's not making me return to school, but he insists I try out a job at a law firm, hoping I'll change my mind. It's fine; I was going to get a job anyway. Now I know where I'll be working."

Bella frowned. "But it isn't what you want."

Impulsively, I grabbed her hand and brought it to my lips. How lucky I was that this angel would worry about _my_ happiness. "Don't worry about that, Bella. Maybe it isn't what I want to be doing, but I only have to do it long enough to appease my father. And as long as I can see your face at the end of the day, I don't care what I'm doing."

Bella sighed at my pronouncement and rewarded me with a gentle kiss.

"See, that's all I need," I grinned as she pulled away. I refused to relinquish her hand, enjoying its softness against mine. "You have no idea how relieved I am. I'm an abominable coward sometimes, you know – I'd been putting off that conversation for so long because I was terrified he would make me leave."

"We could have run away together if he had. If you could find a way to bring home the bacon, I could cook it."

Her tone was light, but I suspected she was serious. "I suppose I was worried for nothing. Silly of me. I think I could manage anything, as long as you were with me."

Bella's lips slipped into a breathtaking smile, and my heart lodged in my throat.

"What's that smile for?" I asked, reaching up to brush my fingers along her jaw.

"For you," she said.

"Hmm. I could get used to that," I teased her, playing idly with her fingers that twined through mine. I was ready to marry her this very instant. The thought of being away from her for any length of time made my heart ache. Which was silly, considering we already lived under the same roof.

"Bella…" I began aloud, feeling at once very devious and very nervous, "Would you be terribly offended if I tried to sneak into your room tonight?"

Bella laughed. "Don't you think that would cause a scandal?"

I shrugged and smiled. "I think I would risk it for the opportunity to hold you in my arms. Just to sleep, I promise."

Bella scooted down the bed until our eyes were level. "Just sleep? I don't know about that. I couldn't go without at least a kiss or two."

Could I love her any more? To tease her, I let out a mocking sigh. "If that's the price I have to pay…I guess I'll give you want you want."

Bella grinned at my poor attempt at humor. "See you in a few hours, then?"

"Definitely," I promised, and stole a kiss before I left.

I went to my room, changed into my pajamas, and waited for my parents to go to sleep. I felt oddly nervous, though I couldn't say why. I'd shared a bed with Bella twice before, and though I'd been tempted in many ways, nothing untoward had occurred.

I was fooling myself if I thought it could remain chaste forever, though. Every day that passed incited my desire further.

When I heard my mother shut their bedroom door, I crept out into the hallway and into Bella's room. She greeted me from the bed with a smile, already all tucked in with a book, and I readily cuddled in with her.

"You're warm," I sighed as I put my arms about her and nuzzled my nose in her soft hair.

"Your feet are cold," she said in return, but she remained smiling, and I suspected she enjoyed the domesticity of the moment as much as I did.

"Soon we'll be able to do this every night," I smiled, thinking of years of cold toes and Bella's soft lilac scent filling the space between us.

"We'll be able to do a bit more than that," Bella said.

"Bella!" I exclaimed as soon as I realized what she meant, tensing up. I prayed to our Lord in Heaven that my body wouldn't react while I lay in bed with her. Did she think of these things as I did, waiting for the day we could know one another completely with the same longing I felt? The thought left me dizzy with lust, and I wondered if I ought to stop by the church tomorrow.

"Sorry," Bella said, and I could hear the laughter she fought to suppress. "You're cute when you're flustered."

"Oh, is that so?" I retorted. She enjoyed seeing me flustered, did she? If only she knew what I suffered! I shifted on top of her, ready to turn the tables. "I think it would be much cuter if _you_ were the flustered one."

"Do you think you can fluster me?" she chuckled, daring me with her dancing brown eyes.

"I know I can," I lied cockily. Of course, I was absolutely unsure of my abilities when it came to Bella, but I hovered in near as if I would kiss her, and the temptation seemed to work well enough.

"Okay," Bella sighed and wrapped her arms around my neck, effectively pressing her bosom against my chest. "You win."

I claimed my reward in the form of a deep kiss, and although Bella soon fell asleep after we broke apart, I lay awake for some time trying to quell the arousal that plagued me.

If we didn't marry soon, I might just die of it.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry no updates over the weekend. As you can see, I only really get writing done at work. Not a good sign for my writing future, honestly...but perhaps if I didn't have to work, I'd do more writing at home. Anyhoo.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Title:** Anatomy of a Human

**Author:** Amethyst Jackson

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** Companion to Only Human. Edward's young life is irreversibly altered when a mysterious girl in strange clothing stumbles into his world.

**Disclaimer:** Twilight and its characters belongs to a whole lot of people, namely Stephenie Meyer and whomever she chooses to share the rights with, but I'm not one of those people. I wish I was, because I could use the cash, but I am making no money off this story or any other derivative work, so there's nothing to sue me for.

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen**

I was not looking forward to my first day of work.

Though I'd gone to several law firms in town on my own to solicit work, none of them wanted a boy who had no college education working as a law clerk. Never mind that I'd been researching the law since I was a boy with my father as a guide…I could do the job in my sleep, but they wanted someone with more experience, and they wanted to pay me half what I deserved. My father finally had to call one of his old friends to secure me a position, but it didn't feel like much of a blessing.

"…And the worst part," I ranted aloud while Bella watched me struggle with my tie, "is that I'm not making nearly as much as I could doing something else, and yet I have to be grateful for 'the opportunity' because it's _only a favor_."

Bella's eyes were a little too wide as she regarded me, and soon I realized that her reflection in the mirror was vibrating with laughter. I scowled. I didn't think any of it was very funny. Every day I wasted on this silly endeavor was another day longer I had to wait to marry her.

"Oh, Edward," she sighed, coming over to me. Her hands smoothed down the lapels of my vest and rested there as she spoke. "It's just a job, remember? It's only until you've satisfied your father, not forever. And most importantly, _I'll wait for you_. You don't have to make all the money in the world so you can rush me to the altar. I'll still be here."

Her words soothed me. It wasn't that she didn't care – she just wanted me to be happy as much as I wanted the same for her.

"Maybe you can wait," I said, "but I'm not sure _I_ can."

"You'll just have to remember that patience is a virtue," she told me and place a soft peck on my lips. "And I am, after all, the guardian of your virtue. You'd best listen to me."

"I'm beginning to think that you're the lousiest possible guardian of my virtue I could have found. I find myself nearly compromised at every turn," I admitted. How could she guard my virtue when every day she was the reason I wanted to toss all my morals aside?

"Pot, kettle," she said, shortening the idiom in that odd way of hers. Sometimes I wasn't sure where she'd picked up her turns of phrase. "Now, I believe you have approximately twenty minutes. You'd better get moving."

I gave up and put my jacket on, though I felt bundled up as tight as a plump woman in a girdle. Why did appropriate attire usually equate to uncomfortable attire? As I turned miserably back to Bella, I realized her eyes were lingering on my shoulders, chest and torso.

Maybe appropriate attire wasn't _all_ bad. Of course, suspecting her admiration only made it harder to leave.

"I'll see you when I get home," I sighed and settled for a kiss that wasn't nearly adequate to sate my desires.

"Looking forward to it," she replied and followed me down the stairs. I smiled wistfully at her as I left, already thinking about coming home.

My father had decided he would drive me to work each morning before he went to his own office, and so it was that my father accompanied me into the firm to introduce me to my new employer.

He was an elderly man, hard of hearing, and I soon realized that he wasn't the real "boss" of the firm. His son, who was perhaps twice my age, was the one who gave the orders.

His son was a tyrant.

The majority of my first day at work was spent fetching things – ink, paper, various texts, coffee, sandwiches, a suit from the tailors, and so on. In between those menial tasks, I was assigned the job of looking up obscure statutes and bylaws.

By the time five o'clock came and the tyrant announced we were closing up, I couldn't have been more ready to leave. If it weren't for my father and the future I hoped to build with Bella, I would have told them I had no intention of coming back.

I had to wait a bit on the front stoop for my father to come by with the car, and we didn't arrive at home until 5:30. I was hungry, tired, and supremely irritated with the world.

My mother and Bella sat in the parlor together, and both were quick to ask about my first day, but I gave them generic answers. I wasn't ready to admit how miserable I'd been.

Instead I asked about Bella's day as Mother went to check on our supper.

"She tried to teach me to knit again. I can't seem to get the hang of it. Will you be terribly disappointed if I can never make your socks?"

I had to laugh at the genuine worry on her face. "Bella, I can honestly say that socks have never once entered my thoughts when it comes to you."

That brought a smile to her face. "Really? You don't think it says something about my suitability as a wife?"

At that, I rolled my eyes. "It says absolutely nothing about your suitability as a wife. Sometimes you are absolutely absurd, Bella."

She grinned wryly. "I've heard that before."

* * *

I snuck into Bella's room that night with a clean conscience. My exhaustion made the possibility that I would dishonor her absolutely non-existent. All I wanted was the comfort of her arms to give me the deep, refreshing sleep I could no longer find alone in my own bed.

Bella was quick to embrace me when I dropped into her bed with a weary sigh.

"Was it really so bad?" she asked, and knowing exactly what I needed, she began to run her fingers through my hair in a way that had my eyes drooping already.

"I suppose it could be much worse," I told her. "I shouldn't complain. But the work is so _tedious_, and I'm always running errands and taking orders, it seems. I'd rather be doing manual labor than wasting my mental power on this nonsense."

Bella laughed at my assessment. "What kind of law is it?"

"Property," I spat. "Dreadfully dull. I should have demanded something in criminal law. At least there would be some good stories there."

"You _would_ make a terribly self-righteous prosecutor," Bella teased.

"I would argue, but I'm too tired," I sighed, though I suspected she was right. I nuzzled into the crook of her neck where her scent was strongest. It must have been where she applied her perfume each day. "Can't I just hide in your bed forever?"

I could hear the smile in her voice. "You could, but I have a feeling someone would think to look for you here. Especially if I stayed with you."

"Hmm…" My eyes felt so heavy now. I managed to stay awake long enough to feel her lips against my forehead before I drifted off to sleep.

That night I had a dream about Bella's bare bosom and the touch of her soft hands where they ought not to be. I woke up early in the morning having made a mess in my shorts and hurried out of her room before she could wake up and notice.

After that experience, I threw myself into my new routine. Each morning, I'd scurry out of Bella's room – usually trying to avoid her waking to something she ought not see – and I would clean myself up, dress, and have my breakfast. I would steal a kiss from Bella and go off to work.

Though my job never improved, I worked as hard as I could for a raise in my wages that would probably never come. I learned to ignore the rages of the tyrant and to enjoy the opportunity to escape the office when I was sent on various errands. I saved every penny I earned, never wasting money on treat with lunch or on a new tie after I dipped my best one in an inkwell.

Each night, I'd come home to find Bella engaged in improving some kind of domestic skill, which was adorable and endearing and indeed, rather amusing. I wasn't sure how she'd remained employed with a seamstress given her lackluster sewing abilities, but perhaps the seamstress had taken pity on her and let her sew on buttons or something.

One night, however, I came home to find her withdrawn and brooding. With my parents around, however, I couldn't seem to find the source of her altered mood.

I went to her room that night as usual to find her sitting in bed with a book. I reclined beside her and didn't interrupt. Perhaps she simply didn't feel like talking tonight. When I realized she hadn't turned a page in ten minutes, however, I had to pull the book from her hands.

"What's the matter?" I demanded. "You've been distant all evening."

"Oh, um…well…I had an unpleasant encounter today," she revealed slowly, clearly reluctant to tell me, which made me think it must have been very bad indeed.

"What sort of unpleasant encounter?"

"Norman Bouchard," she sighed, and my body reacted immediately. I knew I must be bristling up like a hissing cat, and I could feel my neck going red, but I couldn't stop my immediate, possessive response.

"What did he say to you? Did he…did he make advances on you again? Because I swear –"

"It was just the usual," she said quickly, but she still seemed nervous. "He tried to imply again that I wasn't…you know, _satisfied_, and I…well, I was angry, so I sort of implied that…that _you_ were…_satisfying_ me."

Given what I knew about Norman, it was easy to guess what was implied in the word "satisfied." Bella's blushing cheeks told me a great deal as well, and I knew I must look much the same. Just thinking about the things I could do to _satisfy_ Bella had me squirming. "And how did he take that?"

Bella scowled, and I guessed this was the part that bothered her most. "He threatened to tell your parents."

I felt a strange surge of relief. "That sounds like Norman to me." Yes, he would want to try to cause strife between Bella and my family in the hopes that it would drive her away from me…but I doubted my mother would believe him for a second, and even if my father believed him, he would throw him out on the curb for implying such a thing about his future daughter-in-law.

"You're not worried?" Bella said, watching my reaction carefully.

"Bella, my parents love you and they trust me. There's nothing at all to worry about," I assured her. "Even if we _had_…I mean, we are engaged. Not that I would approve of that," I stammered quickly, afraid she would hear the longing I felt for her in my tone, "but if we were getting married anyway, it wouldn't be much of a scandal…now I suppose you'll really need a ring."

Yes, she would definitely need a ring. Once my ring rested on her finger, no one would dare question Bella's integrity. A ring was the closest thing I could give her to the protection of our family name, and perhaps it would ward off the Normans of the world who wanted to lure her away from me.

* * *

After three weeks of saving, I knew I had enough money to afford some kind of ring, but I didn't know how nice it would be. Finally I swallowed my pride and asked to borrow an additional five dollars from my mother, which she granted after I promised I wouldn't spend more than I needed just because I could.

While taking my lunch break from work that day, I went out to buy an engagement ring for my fiancée. The small jewelry store I went to didn't look like much, but a young man I often ate lunch with at work had recommended it, and it was in my price range.

The clerk, a dark-haired man in his thirties with a mustache that curled at the ends, smiled when I entered. It wasn't really a friendly smile; rather, the smile of someone who had just locked on a target.

"How may I help you today, young man?" he asked. "Looking for a special present for your sweetheart, perhaps?"

The idea amused me. _My sweetheart._ Bella was so much more. "I'm looking for an engagement ring, actually."

"Ah," he smiled knowingly as if I'd just shared some secret. "We have a fine selection of rings," he went on, pulling a tray out of a case for me to browse from. "See if there's anything you like here."

There were diamonds, rows and rows of diamonds in different shapes and sizes, different arrangements on different bands, but none of them were quite right. Bella wasn't a diamond, wasn't some shiny, pretty little thing to be thrust under noses at parties and cooed over. She was something much better.

"Do you have anything more…unique?"

His expression registered surprise, but he didn't voice it; instead he reached for another tray. "Perhaps one of these will suit you better."

There were more diamonds, but other stones, too – configurations of rubies, pearls, opals…they all seemed too garish or too…girlish for Bella. She was a woman who deserved a woman's ring.

When my eyes landed on the sapphire, practically hidden off to the side, I knew it was the one. Deep and elegant, small but powerful…it was very much Bella.

"That's the one," I declared.

Once I'd paid the man, I had about ten dollars still to spare – a nice little fund to start saving for our marriage – and a ring burning a hole in my pocket. I couldn't wait to give it to her.

* * *

**A/N: So, I did some very fruitless Googling trying to determine how much a ring would cost in 1918 and I'm still not sure. However, I did find an inflation calculator that told me 6 cents back then would be the equivalent of a dollar today, which means five dollars back then would be about $83 today, which would help a lot with a ring, I think.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Title:** Anatomy of a Human

**Author:** Amethyst Jackson

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** Companion to Only Human. Edward's young life is irreversibly altered when a mysterious girl in strange clothing stumbles into his world.

**Disclaimer:** Twilight and its characters belongs to a whole lot of people, namely Stephenie Meyer and whomever she chooses to share the rights with, but I'm not one of those people. I wish I was, because I could use the cash, but I am making no money off this story or any other derivative work, so there's nothing to sue me for.

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen**

After I bought the ring, my work day dragged along. Even the elderly owner of the firm, who was certainly losing his wits along with his hair and eyesight, noticed my distraction.

"I know that glazed look," he said ponderously, standing over my desk with his thumbs hooked in his suspenders. "You've got a girl, haven't you, son?"

My cheeks flamed, and I felt the eyes of the others in the office on me. "Yes, sir."

"Gonna get married, are you?"

"As soon as we're able," I said, reluctant to disclose too much information to the office at large – especially to the tyrant.

"Good for you, young man. Better use it while you've got it – a lovely young wife is wasted on an old man."

I tried not to think too much on what the "it" was that he thought I should be using.

At the end of the day, I was given my wages for the week. I tried not to sigh at the notes in my hand. It would take two years for me to provide a home for Bella and me at this rate, and add to that the cost of a proper wedding…I suspected it was time to seek another kind of employment.

My father was five minutes late picking me up from work, and I was all but shaking with nervous excitement when we finally drove up to the house. I rushed inside without another word to my father, who had been unusually taciturn today, and found Bella in the parlor.

"Come upstairs with me," I urged, only then realizing that we weren't alone. To my mother, who watched me with her brow raised, I added, "Just for a moment. _Please_."

My mother's subtle nod showed her acquiescence, and I took Bella's hand without giving her much choice in the matter. She followed me upstairs willingly enough, though I could feel her bemusement.

"I have something for you," I told her once we were safely ensconced in her bedroom.

She sat on the bed and watched me expectantly. "All right, I'm ready."

My palm was sweaty as it closed around the box in my pocket, and my legs trembled as I sunk to one knee. Though she'd already agreed to marry me, I wanted her to have a real proposal, and the weight of the moment lay heavy on my shoulders.

"Isabella Swan, this will make it official," I began, and that thought alone had me beaming. I could barely contain my elation, and I meant the next words I said with every fiber of my soul. "I swear, I will love you for the rest of my life. Will you marry me?"

I watched her face carefully. Her eyes were watery with unshed tears, and her lips lifted in a tremulous smile when I lifted the lid off the tiny box and revealed the ring. I hoped she didn't think it inadequate. My stomach clenched. It _was_ very small. Perhaps I should have saved longer and purchased something larger….

"Yes, Edward. Of course I'll marry you," she said, and something in her voice told me the ring didn't matter that much after all. I slid it onto the appropriate finger. My heart soared at the tangible symbol of our promise to one another.

"It's very pretty," she said, and I felt as though I could float on my relief. "What made you choose a sapphire?"

I shrugged bashfully. Perhaps she would have preferred a diamond. Perhaps I'd put far too much thought into the whole endeavor. "It just reminded me of you," I told her honestly. "It looks like it's full of hidden thoughts and mysteries…and it's beautiful, of course."

She shyly ducked her chin at the compliment, and I got up to join her on the bed. I curled my hand around her slim waist and let my chin rest on her shoulder, the better to see the ring glinting on her finger. I wanted to be married to her something awful.

"I've been thinking," I murmured, thinking aloud, "If I can convince my father to let me get a better job within the next few months, we might marry in a year. If I save properly."

She turned to me with a wide smile and pressed her lips to mine. Her hand curled around the nape of my neck, holding me close as her lips moved passionately against mine. Her ardor surprised me, but I didn't let that stop me from winding my arms around her and returning her kiss with equal fervor. She allowed my tongue past her lips, and heaven help me, her sweet mouth had me considering the possibility of lowering her back on the bed and searching up her skirts. I had a feeling Bella would allow it.

Right at that moment, the dinner bell rang loudly, the metallic clatter calling me back to my senses, and I reluctantly relinquished my bride to be. Her cheeks were flushed, strands of hair had come loose from her bun, and her bosom lifted with each panting breath she took.

"I think she did that on purpose," I said with a mixture of gratitude and annoyance. Definitely more annoyance than gratitude, I decided as I trying to right the wrongs I'd done to Bella's hair.

"We can resume this later," she consoled me. I grinned at her, suspecting she had no idea the effect she had on me.

"We'd better."

* * *

Down at dinner, I caught my mother's smile as she spotted the ring on Bella's hand. I expected my father to notice the exchange as well, however subtle, but his eyes were trained on his dinner plate, his shoulders sagging with weariness. He must have had a long day at the office. If that were the case, I knew it was best to keep things quiet and normal, so I said nothing.

"Ed, darling, how was your day?" Mother asked my father, as was her custom. Our meals often began this way.

He shrugged. "Nothing out of the ordinary, though I admit, I felt strangely glad when it was time to go home."

"I hope the Beauchamp case isn't taking its toll on you again," Mother replied. "That man is not worth the stress. If he would simply take more care in managing his affairs, he wouldn't be in this mess in the first place."

I let out a quiet groan. Father and Mother both had been complaining about this case for the past six months.

"Mother, would you mind passing the peas?" I interrupted, not wanting her to get started on a running diatribe that could last through dessert.

"Of course, dear," she said, passing them to me via Bella. "And how was your day at work?"

"Long, as usual, and dull, as usual," I said with a shrug. "But I got my wages today."

The small talk went on as we ate. My father remained very quiet, and my mother did most of the chatting. She had decided Bella ought to have some new clothes with fall coming on, and she discussed her plans in that vein. My eyes continually wandered back to Bella, to the spark of blue on her left hand and the strand of hair that had come loose earlier and had to be continually pushed behind her ear.

At a certain point, conversation lulled. I glanced up from my plate to find Bella and my mother both peering at my father's face, which I now realized was flushed and damp.

"Father? Are you all right?" I asked, a gnawing anxiety worming into my bones.

He looked up, but his eyes were slightly unfocused, his eyelids drooping. "Fine, fine. Just a little under the weather, I suppose."

"Perhaps you should lie down," Mother fretted. She reached over the table and felt his forehead with the back of her hand. "You're feverish, darling."

"You may be right," he sighed. "Yes, I think I will lie down a while…"

I watched him slowly rise from the table and wander feebly from the room. Fever – fever could mean any number of things, but the disease circulating now that the papers warned of, it always began with fever.

"Perhaps I should go look after him," my mother said. She looked calm as she hastened from the table, but I knew my mother better than that. She felt afraid as I did. If it _was_ the infamous Spanish Flu, my father was in grave danger – as was everyone in this household, in this city even. I was in danger, my mother was in danger, and Bella…. My eyes turned to her as I imagined with horror what would become of Bella if she contracted the illness.

She caught my panicked gaze. "Edward? What is it?"

How could I tell her everything without frightening the wits out of her? "I'm just…worried, Bella. There were stories in the paper last month about an epidemic in Boston, some kind of…congestion of the lungs. It killed within days…hours, sometimes. What if…"

"What if it's come here?" she concluded for me, looking rather too unsurprised. "I saw someone collapse in the market today. He was too weak to stand…"

So this wasn't an isolated incident. People were falling ill in Chicago, and if it was the Spanish Flu, it would spread like wildfire. "I think you should leave the city for awhile, Bella. I don't want to risk you catching this."

She shook her head immediately. "Not without you."

"I can't – I'm needed here, Bella," I pleaded. If anything happened to my father, it would fall to me to take care of my mother, who I knew I couldn't persuade to leave town now. But if Bella could be safe, as much as I would miss her, it would be a weight off my shoulders.

"If you're here, that means I'm needed here, too," she insisted, as fierce as I'd ever seen her. "I won't leave you now. And I care about your parents, too – I am part of this family, aren't I? I can't run away."

I sighed. There was that stubborn streak I knew she possessed. Still, I'd hoped she'd respond to an earnest plea. "I knew you wouldn't agree, but I had to ask anyway. But Bella, if anything happens to you –"

"Hush now," she soothed, placing her hand in mine. "We'll weather this together." Her smile was so sincere that I had to believe her.

"Right, then," I breathed. "I suppose we should do something."

Bella squeezed my hand. "I'll get Mary and help her clear up dinner. You should go upstairs and see if your mother needs any help."

I almost asked her if she would go up with me, and perhaps hold my hand, but I refrained. She must be scared, and she would need me to be strong for her.

Ruefully, I thought on how happy I'd been a mere hour ago. How cruel and sudden fate could be!

* * *

**A/N: Sorry, a bit shorter this time. The timeline for this story as compared to the original is getting tighter and there's less to expound on. I'll try to give you plenty of material next chapter.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Title:** Anatomy of a Human

**Author:** Amethyst Jackson

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** Companion to Only Human. Edward's young life is irreversibly altered when a mysterious girl in strange clothing stumbles into his world.

**Disclaimer:** Twilight and its characters belongs to a whole lot of people, namely Stephenie Meyer and whomever she chooses to share the rights with, but I'm not one of those people. I wish I was, because I could use the cash, but I am making no money off this story or any other derivative work, so there's nothing to sue me for.

* * *

**Chapter Fifteen**

My father steadily declined as the night wore on. An hour or two after he went upstairs, he started coughing – a wet, hacking cough. My mother remained by his bedside, plying him with tea and broth and pressing cool cloths to his forehead. I felt sufficiently helpless just standing there and watching that I opted to stay downstairs with Bella, clinging to her like the lifeline she was.

Every time my mother came downstairs for fresh water or a new pot of tea, the anxiety was written clearly on her face. My father's condition was grave, and my mother didn't have to say as much for me to know it. Every time I ventured up the stairs to see for myself, my mother shooed me out of the room, and I went back to Bella feeling worse than before.

Just before the clock struck midnight, Mother came down the stairs and stopped in the parlor.

"He's very delirious," she told us, wiping her brow with the back of her hand. "But he keeps asking for you, Edward. Go on up to him now. I think I'd better call the physician…"

I released Bella's hand after one last squeeze and moved toward the stairs. I didn't look back at Bella or my mother; I feared I might cry if I did, and I was too old to cry. Each stair felt like a mountain as I climbed to the second floor where my father rested.

I'd never seen my father truly ill before. He'd been healthy every day of his life, as far as I knew. Sure, there was the occasional cough or runny nose, but nothing life-threatening. My mother's fear told me this time was different, and I was terrified of what I would see.

When I inched the door open, my first sight was the bed, just as it had always looked and all the furniture just where it usually was, save for the rocking chair my mother had pulled up beside the bed. Then I saw my father gazing at me from where he lay tucked under the bedclothes, his face flushed and eyes glazed with fever.

"Father," I choked out.

"Edward, I want to…apologize." He paused to cough wetly. "We always think we know how our children's lives should go." Another cough. "You do what makes you happy, Edward. Don't waste a moment you have with her."

"Come now, Father," I said with false cheerfulness, "tomorrow you'll be feeling back to normal and get straight back to telling me what to do again."

But the fact that he was talking this way told me it was bad.

His laugh turned into a long cough. He held a handkerchief to his mouth, muffling the awful hacking sound. When he pulled his hand away, the cloth was stained with blood. I could only stare in horror.

"This isn't an ordinary summer cold, Edward. You should…prepare yourself for the worst."

I felt sick all over at how easily my father discussed his own death. He was serious, and I wanted it to be a joke.

"Take care of your mother," he went on. "And hold on to Bella. Nothing has ever motivated you like she does. Elizabeth was right…she's exactly what you need."

I swallowed past the lump in my throat and tears burned my eyes. _Don't cry,_ I chided myself. _You're too old to cry._ "Father…I…"

He smiled; it seemed to cost him a great effort. "Run along now, son. You needn't stay and listen to me cough."

I realized with horror that he was trying to spare me the pain of watching him die, and then I had to flee. This couldn't be happening. My father was young and healthy. He couldn't be dying…and yet he was.

I passed my mother going back down the stairs. She took one look at my face and hugged me tightly to her, pressing a kiss to my forehead. I hugged her back with all my strength before she pulled away and returned to my father's side.

In the living room, I found Bella just where I'd left her.

"Edward?" I could feel her eyes on my face.

"It was awful," I admitted to her. I didn't look at her yet. I knew if I did, I would cry. "He barely knew where he was, I could tell, and then he started to cough up blood…_blood_, Bella. He told me goodbye. I think…I think he's dying."

At that admission, I finally acknowledged the truth to myself, and turning to look at Bella, I couldn't hold the pain inside any longer. Her waiting arms beckoned me, and I fell against her and wept like a babe against her shoulder.

"Shhh, it will be okay," she soothed, running her fingers through my hair in calming strokes. Her free hand rubbed slow circles against my back as she continued to murmur words of comfort. "Everything will be just fine, my love, you'll see. I'm here, I'll always be here for you."

Her soft angel's voice continued to speak comforting words, and I rested my head against her long after I'd calmed, savoring her gentle warmth. It would have been impossible for me to love her any more in that moment than I did.

Soon, I knew it was time for me to let go, and I sat up reluctantly. "I'm sorry, Bella. I should be stronger –"

"Nonsense," she interrupted, and her arms stayed wrapped around me. "You don't have to be strong with me."

I sighed, wondering at how she could accept me so unconditionally, even sobbing like a little boy with a skinned knee into her beautiful dress. "You _are_ my strength, Bella. I know it would be better if you were away from all this, but…I'm glad you're with me, regardless."

My gratitude for her overwhelmed me to the extent that my hands trembled as I cupped her face and drew her in for a gentle kiss. I hoped she could feel my love, my reverence for her and all that she gave me. When I released her lips, I held her close to me, as tightly as I dared. No matter what happened now, I had to believe I could make it through as long as I had my Bella.

We remained close and quiet on the settee in the parlor until the doorbell rang.

"That will be the physician," Bella said, pulling away from me. "I'll get the door."

I suspected she wanted to make herself useful, but I couldn't let her stray far from me. I felt as though I clung to my wits by a thin thread, and the end of that thread was attached to Bella. I followed her to the door where the family physician waited.

"I'm here to see Mr. Masen," he said as though he'd never seen any of us before. He'd been our doctor for ten years, but he remained as prim and proper as ever.

"Yes, right this way," Bella said and led him to the stairs. I followed them like a child afraid to stray too far from his mother's skirts. I was beyond feeling any shame.

"In there," Bella gestured to our doctor, guiding him to the door behind which my father lay dying. Bella, bless her, knew instinctively that I couldn't face it yet and drew me back down the stairs.

We both paused in the foyer, fidgeting. "I hate this. The waiting," I told her, thinking for the hundredth time of my father's blood-stained handkerchief. "I wish I could at least _do_ something."

"I know, that's how I feel as well," she sighed, resting her hand against my cheek. Her thumb moved soothingly over my skin. "Maybe you should try to sleep. It's late, and you had a long day. You must be exhausted. I'll stay up – I'll wake you if anything happens."

As tempting as it would be to slip into slumber and escape for a time, I knew it would be impossible. I also knew I was being selfish, relying so much on Bella when she was likely as tired and scared as I was. "No, I'm too anxious to sleep. But you should sleep, Bella. You've got circles under your eyes."

"As if I could let you stay up alone and stew," she said with a forced smile as I traced the delicate skin beneath her eyes.

"I guess it's back to waiting then," I sighed, wishing I could do better for her.

We returned to our vigil in the parlor. I kept Bella close to me as we waited for any news. After about half an hour, the doctor came back down the stairs and let himself out. I guessed he'd been unable to do a thing for my father. Bella dozed occasionally against my shoulder, which I didn't begrudge her one bit, but I couldn't find sleep.

All was quiet until five past three – I'd watched every minute tick by for the past hour – and my mother screamed my name. Bella jolted upright and I bolted off the couch, following my mother's cries up the stairs. I heard Bella's footsteps on my heels, but she didn't follow me into the room.

"He just had a terrible fit of coughing and now…" my mother trailed off, looking to me with hysterical eyes. I gripped her hand, hearing as she must how difficult every breath sounded, how long time stretched between each breath. He coughed again, another wave of blood against the spotted handkerchief, and then he gave one last wheeze.

When the next breath never came, my mother let out a cry like I'd never heard before.

She swayed precariously and I caught her before she fell. I guided her out of the room, afraid that if she stayed, I would somehow lose her too.

"What can I do?" Bella whispered shakily, taking in the sight of us. What a pair we must have made. I felt shocked, dazed, and my mother was in near hysterics beside me.

"Tell the servants," I told Bella gently. "They'll start getting things sorted."

Bella turned and hurried down the stairs, and I guided my mother down after her. I might have told her to lie down and rest, but there was nowhere she could do so without a painful reminder of what had just transpired in her bedroom, and so I led her into the parlor.

I sat her on a sofa and wrapped an afghan around her shoulders, but I may as well have let her alone for all the good it did. She continued to cry, and no soothing words could calm her.

After a time, Bella wandered back from the kitchens, a flurry of servants having gone before her. She stopped in the entryway and watched us with sadness, as though she understood something about this moment that I did not. I silently begged her for some answer to this problem, but she had none, and so I held my hand out for her. She came over and took it, holding tightly while I continued to try to comfort my mother.

Some time near dawn, a man with a wagon came to collect my father's body. I asked if he would be taking him to a funeral home, but the man shook his head and told me he'd been picking up bodies all night. The disease had struck the city with deadly swiftness, and my father was not the first to fall victim. I argued with him for some time, but he would not be dissuaded. The city had ordered that all bodies were to be taken for immediate burial.

This sent my mother into another round of hysterics with Bella trying in vain to calm her. The man worked quickly, at least.

After he'd gone, I convinced my mother with Bella's assistance to go upstairs and get some rest in one of the spare bedrooms, and only once she was safely abed did the servants set about the work of stripping the linens in the master bedroom. I suspected they planned to burn them in the backyard.

I left Bella at the door to her room and went on to mine. I thought about changing for bed and going to her room as had become my nightly custom, but I sat on the end of my bed instead. I'd been enough of a burden on Bella this night; I ought to let her sleep.

It was in this state that Bella found me. She crept into my room like a phantom, completely unnoticed until I felt her nightgown brushing against my legs, and I looked up to see her standing before me, silent and ethereal. She had come to me, and my heart swelled to bursting with my love and gratitude toward this beautiful woman.

I threw my arms around her and clutched her to me, pressing my face shamelessly against her flat stomach. Her hands found my hair again, rubbing in the way I liked so much, and I finally let reality creep back in. My father was dead.

"Why is this happening?" I asked as though she could answer. "Just twelve hours ago, life seemed perfect. And now…"

It was a long moment before Bella spoke. "I think sometimes, destiny has something bigger in mind than most of us can ever see, and sometimes, these things that seem so unfair and so wrong can serve a higher purpose."

I clutched her closer. If destiny planned for me to lose my father, I didn't know what else it had in store. "I don't much like the thought of being a toy in fate's hands."

"No, neither do I," she said wearily. "But I like to think that fate would never force us to do the wrong thing. We have power over our own choices, at least."

"And if there's no choice to make?" I looked up at her for the answer. Fate had given me no choice in losing my father. "What then?"

Bella's smile was a sad one. "What I mean to say is that…no matter how bad things are and no matter what is taken from us, we can take comfort that we've done the best we can."

Doing the best we could…I suppose I had. "That is something of a comfort." I burrowed deeper into the folds of her gown, wondering when she would push me away for being horribly inappropriate. "Will you stay with me tonight?"

"Of course, I'm here as long as you want me," she promised. I let her go, and she climbed under the covers of my bed, waiting for me to join her. For once, I felt too tired to worry about any impropriety, and I stripped my shirt and slacks and followed her under the covers. Bella didn't question my behavior or protest as I clutched her to me. I would make it through, I would, as long as I had Bella.

Against my chest, she began to hum a light melody that was at once foreign and strangely familiar. It floated around us in the darkness, and soon I fell into the sweet reprieve of sleep.

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**A/N: These chapters are getting tougher now! We'll see if I can continue the weekday updates - sorry for missing Friday. My mind just wasn't with it. I'm hoping to be able to label this thing complete sometime next week.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Title:** Anatomy of a Human

**Author:** Amethyst Jackson

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** Companion to Only Human. Edward's young life is irreversibly altered when a mysterious girl in strange clothing stumbles into his world.

**Disclaimer:** Twilight and its characters belongs to a whole lot of people, namely Stephenie Meyer and whomever she chooses to share the rights with, but I'm not one of those people. I wish I was, because I could use the cash, but I am making no money off this story or any other derivative work, so there's nothing to sue me for.

* * *

**Chapter Sixteen**

When I woke in the early afternoon, I didn't remember right away what had passed the night before. I saw Bella, tucked snuggly against my side, fast asleep with her head pillowed on my chest. Her hair shone with streaks of red and gold in the sunlight, and I could see the pale skin of her back through the thin fabric of her nightgown. She made a stunning sight.

Then I remembered.

My chest tightened as I continued to look upon Bella. My father was dead. Dead from a disease that had already claimed numerous victims, and anyone could be next.

What if my mother fell ill? What if Bella…?

The panicked pounding of my heart must have woken Bella because she chose that moment to lift her head and look up at me. Her slight smile might have been meant to reassure me, but the thought of losing that smile forever unhinged me.

I pulled her to me and kissed her with naked desperation. Perhaps if I held her tight enough, kissed her hard enough, I could physically keep her from ever leaving me. Her lips molded readily against mine, never fighting, always accepting. Instinctively, I rolled and trapped her beneath me. My tongue sought out the heat of her mouth as she shifted to fit her body perfectly to mine.

Nothing, nothing, _nothing_ would take her from me.

Soon I ran out of breath and had to part my lips from hers. Looking down into her bright eyes, I realized I'd perhaps gotten a bit carried away.

"I'm sorry – I needed to feel you there," I told her, but I didn't pull away yet. I stayed right where I was, delving my fingers into her soft tresses. It was such a shame she had to wear her hair up during the day. It was too lovely to be hidden away.

"Don't apologize for that," Bella whispered. "I was made to be whatever you need."

My heart thumped and another part of my anatomy reacted as well. "So that's how you do it so effortlessly."

"I love you," she said softly. My body warmed and I felt for the first time since remembering what I'd lost that I could face the day.

"You can't imagine how those three words make me feel. It's as if nothing can be completely wrong as long as you love me," I told her.

"I understand better than you think," she said. Her hands rubbed small circles on my back, and I closed my eyes, enjoying the peaceful moment while it lasted.

Too soon, she spoke. "Perhaps I should check on your mother."

"She would appreciate that," I said, feeling guilty that I hadn't already gone to her, guilty that I had slept so late. "I worry for her…she seemed so lost last night. I don't know how she'll recover. I don't know how I'll manage all this, for that matter…there's my father's business to consider, all his affairs…"

"Hey, hey," Bella soothed, brushing my hair back. "Don't stress yourself. You can only do one thing at a time, so there's no use worrying about it until you get there. For now, let's work on the basic needs. We've missed breakfast and lunch, from the looks of it. I'll see to your mother and find us all something to eat."

I let out a relieved, shaky laugh. Once again, she'd managed to be perfect for me. "You're a miracle, Bella. How did I ever live without you?"

"That's one of the world's great mysteries, I suppose," she teased, climbing from the bed. I remained where I was, watching her slip into a robe. "You get dressed and washed up. I'll meet you downstairs."

"Thank you, Bella."

"Of course," she smiled.

As Bella suggested, I went to the washstand to scrub my face and tame my hair, and then I dressed casually. I doubted there would be any outings today. If I couldn't be altogether happy, at least I could be comfortable.

In the hallway, I paused outside the master bedroom. The door stood open, as did all the windows, lace curtains fluttering in the breeze. The bed had been completely stripped and made up anew. Inside that room, it looked like a perfect late-summer day.

I swallowed down a sudden lump in my throat and continued down the hall.

I paused at the spare room my mother was using and peeked in. Her curtains were drawn and she remained abed. I tiptoed away quietly and left her to her rest.

Downstairs, I began looking for Bella. The parlor was empty, so I moved toward the kitchen. On the way, I passed my father's office. Everything was just as he'd left it. It might have been any other day – he could have been at work instead of…wherever he was now.

Only then did I remember that I was supposed to be at work today. I heaved a sigh and went to the telephone to call and say I wouldn't be in for a few days.

After my phone call, I found Bella in the kitchen. She stood before the stove, sweat gathering at her temples as she fried strips of cured ham.

"You're cooking?" I asked with happy surprise. The domestic sight was incredibly welcome. "Where's Mary?"

"I sent her to sleep. I'm afraid you're stuck with my culinary masterpieces today," she said, and she handed me a platter of fried potatoes that had been sitting on the countertop next to her. "Sorry, I've got limited resources."

"That's quite all right. It smells delicious," I assured her, and I didn't even have to lie about it.

Bella sent me out to the dining room and came in a few moments later with the meat and a jug of water. Once she was satisfied that I was seated with my meal, she began preparing a tray for my mother.

Wonderful, beautiful woman. If I'd had any doubts about our future together, they would have been quashed today.

Bella took a long time coming back. I should have waited for her before I began eating, but the smell of the food in front of me had me suddenly ravenous, and I attacked my meal like a starving man. I was finished before Bella returned.

Well, there was nothing to clean up yet, since Bella hadn't eaten. I gave up and went back to my father's study.

It seemed strange that the room should look and smell exactly as it always had when its principal occupant was no longer around. I went to his leather chair behind the desk and sat gingerly, half expecting him to turn up and tell me to get out of his seat.

I surveyed the desktop. There was the silver letter opener my mother had given him for their fifteenth anniversary. There was the framed family photograph we'd sat for when I was ten. He had a pile of papers to one side of his desk, but they looked to relate to his current case at work, so I ignored them for now.

I opened his desk drawers and found stacks and stacks of paper. Many of them were financial documents of some sort. I began sifting them into various piles on the desk based on what I thought they pertained to, but mostly I guessed.

My head already ached with the task of deciphering all my father's documents, and I hadn't even begun.

It was in this state that Bella found me.

"The servants took care of everything pressing, but all his things…I don't know what to make of half these papers," I told her helplessly. "His will, his banking accounts…I don't know where any of that information is."

Bella came over to me and laid her hand against my face. "Remember what I said? One thing at a time. We'll do what we can with what we recognize and find someone to help us with what we don't. Maybe Car – Dr. Cullen could help us. He would understand some of the financial things, at least."

"Right," I nodded, not loving the thought of Dr. Cullen around, even though she'd hardly mentioned him in the past month. "Will you help me?"

"Of course. You never had to ask."

We moved the piles of paper to the floor of the study and sat cross-legged like children while we sorted through the mess. My father's files were a combination of legal documents pertaining to his work, financial papers, and saved letters – and they were all mixed together.

After half an hour of quiet sorting, Bella spoke.

"Edward…is this your father's will?"

I took the document from her outstretched hand and let out a sigh of relief. "Yes, it is." I glanced over it briefly and found that everything was left to me, to remain in my mother's control until I came of age. The house, the family business, my father's investments…all these things would make it possible for me to care for my mother and Bella for years to come.

A little later, we found a document listing all the family bank accounts. Those were the most important things for now.

The rest of the afternoon passed in much the same way. Occasionally I would find things in my father's desk drawers that I'd never have expected, like the lopsided elephant I'd attempted to carve years and years ago. Bella seemed to enjoy the stories I told about these objects and the moments I'd spent with my father that I had nearly forgotten. In a way, it helped, though it kept the sadness fresh.

Bella cried that night before bed. I held her wordlessly, wondering if fear caused her tears or something else.

The next day we continued on our mission to sort through my father's study. My mother remained in her room most of the day, save for a few hours in the afternoon when she sat still and quiet in the parlor, speaking only when asked a direct question. Bella and I decided by unspoken agreement to leave her alone.

Bella shared my bed again that night. The servants must have noticed by now that she wasn't using her own bed, but I couldn't summon the energy to care. She was my fiancée, and in times like this, what was propriety worth?

I woke well-rested, but it made me feel guilty. I slipped out of bed before Bella woke and began to dress. Her eyes opened before I'd finished.

"I'm going to go check on my mother this morning," I explained in answer to her unasked question. "I feel like…I should be doing more for her."

"No, Edward, don't feel guilty," she insisted with surprising vehemence. "I don't think there's much that anyone can do. She'll just need time."

"I know," I sighed. "I can only imagine what it would be like to…well, I can't imagine. Maybe that's the point."

"I'm not following you," she said, sitting up in bed. I wanted so badly to return to her and cuddle beneath the blankets for a few more hours…days…years…a lifetime. That was where I truly worried for my mother. If she'd felt for my father anything like what I felt for Bella, the loss would be insurmountable.

"I'm talking about losing the one you love. I don't know how I would go on…"

"Oh," Bella breathed, her brown eyes dark with feeling. "I know what you mean."

That made it even harder to walk away. "I'll see you downstairs when you're ready," I told her, leaning across the bed to give her a chaste kiss. She held me to her when I tried to pull away, kissing me with a firm insistence that brought my blood to a boil.

My mood had much improved when she did let me go. "If every morning can begin that way, I'll never complain," I told her before I left.

I all but skipped down the hall to my mother's room. When I received no answer to my light knock, I peeked inside. Once more, she was still abed, but something about her demeanor gave me pause, and I stepped closer.

When I saw her flushed cheeks and the sheen of sweat across her skin, I cried out for Bella.

My mother didn't wake at the sound and I went to her, leaning over her still form. I pressed the back of my hand to her forehead, feeling far too much heat.

Bella came running. She took one look between me and my mother and seemed to know without being told what was happening.

"I don't know what to do for her," I said hoarsely, paralyzed with fear. My father had started this way, and all my mother's efforts hadn't saved him. What could I possibly do to save her?

"I don't either," Bella fretted. "Maybe…should we take her to the hospital?"

"The hospital. Right, that's a good idea," I nodded. Doctors and nurses…plenty of people who knew what they were doing to take care of my mother, people who knew better than I did how to fight this disease. "I'll…I'll get the servants to help me with her to the car so you can get dressed."

I parted ways with Bella in the hallway. She returned to her room while I hurried down the stairs to the kitchen, only to find it empty. I ventured further back into the servants' rooms and found two maids crying outside Mary's room.

"What's going on?" I asked with growing dread.

"Miss Mary…she's feverish," Hannah told me. My stomach dropped. How many more people would fall ill before this was over?

"My mother is sick, too," I told them wearily. "We're taking her to the hospital. Help Mary to the car, and we'll take her too."

I ran back upstairs and told Bella what I'd learned. She went readily to help the maids and I went back into my mother's room. With shaky hands, I tried to lift her out of bed and realized she was wearing only her nightgown. I couldn't take her to the hospital this way. I grabbed her robe and coaxed her with some difficulty to sit up. Her glazed eyes focused on me only momentarily while I helped her into the garment.

"I'm cold," she rasped.

I had to remind myself not to cry again as I wrapped her in an extra blanket. "Don't worry, Mother. I'm going to take care of you."

It was no easy task getting her safely down the stairs, but somehow I managed to get her out the door and into the backseat of our car. Bella came out moments later with the maids, the three of them struggling to support Mary.

I barely waited for them to get Mary settled and for Bella to get in beside me before I started the ignition. I fed the car as much fuel as I dared, desperate to move faster.

Outside the hospital was a throng of people – healthy people, all clamoring to get inside to their loved ones. The sight turned my insides to lead – I would have to leave my mother here all alone. The hospital might be her best chance, but how much good would it do if she were alone and frightened?

"Wait here," I yelled to Bella as I steeled my resolve. At the very least, I would go inside and see what conditions were like before I decided whether or not to take my mother in.

I had to push and shove my way up to the hospital doors. The guard keeping everyone out of the hospital made to block me with a hand, but I spoke quickly to him.

"Please, my mother is sick – she's in the car – our cook is sick as well, I need help getting them inside," I begged.

The man nodded and let me past him. "Go on, then. Just grab the first person you find who can help."

That didn't sound promising, but I opened the door. I nearly recoiled as the stench hit me, nearly turned around and went back to the car and drove everyone home. But what could I do for my mother at home?

A young man in a dress shirt with a stethoscope around his neck walked past me, and I reached out to grab his arm.

"Please – can you help me carry in two women? They're sick..."

The man hesitated before nodding. "Yes, I'll help. Where are they?"

I led him out through the crowd once more and back to the car, where thankfully I found the three women unmolested. Bella rose to help or perhaps to follow us, but I asked her to wait outside again. She didn't need to see what I'd seen inside that hospital.

"Is this the best place for them?" I asked the doctor as we made our way back to the hospital. This time, we didn't have to push past anyone – they all moved out of the way. "Would they be better off at home?"

"You did the right thing," the doctor promised as we went back through the doors. "We have medicines here, trained nurses – they will receive good care, I assure you."

I didn't feel entirely comforted, but I followed the doctor to a pair of empty cots. A nurse came over to take their names and promptly instructed me to leave.

"I can't stay with her at all?" I protested.

The nurse pursed her lips. "You can visit once a day, no more than half an hour. I'm sorry, young man, but there simply isn't room for visitors here."

"Can I have a moment with her before I go?" I pleaded.

"Yes, just...try to be quick. The sooner the area is clear, the sooner we can make her comfortable."

I nodded my understanding and turned to my mother. She'd curled onto her side on the small cot. I knelt beside her and arranged the blanket to cover her better.

"Forgive me, Mother – the doctors say you'll do better here," I whispered. Her eyes opened and tried to focus on me. "I love you, Mother. The doctors will take care of you here, and soon you'll be well and able to come home."

Her hand reached out and I took it gently in mine. I could feel tears brimming in my eyes and fought to hold them back. "Be strong, okay? They say I can't stay, but I'll be back to see you tomorrow, I promise."

I wasn't at all sure she understood what I'd told her, but she released my hand and closed her eyes again, as though too weary to keep them open for more than a few seconds at a time. I turned before my resolve could fail and hurried back to the car where Bella waited all alone.

Her eyes searched my face as I climbed into the car.

"They won't let anyone stay with her," I told her blankly, still unsure that I'd done the right thing. "I'm allowed to come check on her once a day, but that's it. What if – what if she –"

"I'm so sorry, Edward," she said, enclosing me in a tight embrace. "But she's strong. She'll hold on for you."

"I hope you're right," I said as my voice cracked and the tears finally spilled over. "I can't lose her, too."

Together, we sat in the car and cried.

* * *

**A/N: This was the toughest yet, what a monster. You may get two chapters tomorrow. The next is already written - I did it as an outtake for Fandom Gives Back at one point - but it needs a few tweaks.**


	17. Chapter 17

**Title:** Anatomy of a Human

**Author:** Amethyst Jackson

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** Companion to Only Human. Edward's young life is irreversibly altered when a mysterious girl in strange clothing stumbles into his world.

**Disclaimer:** Twilight and its characters belongs to a whole lot of people, namely Stephenie Meyer and whomever she chooses to share the rights with, but I'm not one of those people. I wish I was, because I could use the cash, but I am making no money off this story or any other derivative work, so there's nothing to sue me for.

* * *

**Chapter Seventeen**

My mother was dying.

I shook the thought away as soon as it entered my head. Despair was a sin; I had to remain hopeful, to believe that my mother could overcome the disease that had taken my father. Still, seeing her eyes glazed with fever, hearing the thick cough, I couldn't stop the clutch of fear from clamping down on my heart.

Bella sat still and quiet beside me in the car, and I could feel her eyes on my face. I couldn't look at her yet, though I craved the sight of her. The moment I turned to her, I would cave to my desire for the comfort she would doubtlessly offer, and it wasn't fair for me to take that from her. She was surely scared, too, and I should be the strong one now. That was my duty as the man of the house.

I continued to avoid her eyes as I walked into the house, though I was constantly aware of her presence behind me. I heard her soft footsteps follow mine up the stairs, and I felt her there as I sunk onto my bed and buried my face in my hands. My family was slipping away from me, and I had no idea what to do. What if I lost Bella, too? She was the center of my world.

"Edward?"

Why did she have to say my name? Her voice broke me, completely. I lifted my head and met her too-perceptive eyes. They were deep and dark, knowing and compassionate, and I knew I was stupid to think I could ever hide a thing from her.

"I'm scared, Bella," I admitted, not even embarrassed at the way my voice cracked over the words. I was surprised at how it felt to reveal this to her. I would have expected to feel…weak, a failure as a man…but instead, I felt an extraordinary relief.

Bella came to me without hesitation and seated herself beside me on the bed. Her arms closed around my body, and she nestled warmly into my side. "I know," she said quietly. "I'm scared, too."

I could share this burden with her, I realized. Bella was strong enough to handle my fears if I could handle hers. We could shoulder each other now.

So I told her what I was feeling, knowing she would understand. "What do I do, Bella? Everything is falling apart…"

I held her tighter, knowing that she could not give me answers, but the solid warmth of her petite body in my arms was an answer in and of itself. She was here, and she was mine; she was the reason to go on when I had no other.

"We still have each other, Edward," she said as her tiny hands rubbed my back, echoing my thoughts. "It's going to be fine," she promised, and I wished that little voice in the back of my head didn't know her promise was a lie.

"And if it's not?" I didn't want to think about it, but it came unbidden. What if I lost _her_? What could possibly be left for me then? I couldn't even look at her face as I contemplated it, instead hiding my face in her shoulder. I kissed her smooth white neck, taking comfort in the thrum of her pulse under my lips, reassuring me of her vitality even as it reminded me of her mortality.

"I can't lose you, too," I said desperately, fighting to stay in the present, in the softness of her flesh under my hands and the gentle, floral scent of her hair. "The thought alone is unbearable. And what if something happens to me? Who will take care of you?"

The fear was winning out. More than anything, I needed her to be alive, safe, happy, and I was in no condition to promise her those things. My helplessness left me frustrated and wracked with anxiety.

"Shh," she breathed soothingly into my ear, combing her fingers through my hair. My mother used to do the same thing when I was sick as a child. The scrape of Bella's fingernails against my scalp was painfully familiar, yet entirely different. I basked in the physical comfort, clenching my eyes shut against the thoughts that wanted to overwhelm me. It didn't work, not entirely. The fear was still there, unable to articulate itself, a little terrified voice chanting, _"Bella, Bella, Bella…"_

"Don't think of it," she told me, again echoing my thoughts. She knew me so well, even though we'd met such a short time ago. Moments like these convinced me we were designed for one another. She was the piece I didn't know I'd been missing – she didn't merely make me whole; she made me _better_.

"We can't worry over the things we have no control over," she whispered. Her fingers stroked the fine hairs at the nape of my neck. "It will drive us insane."

"I know you're right, but I can't help it," I said. I lifted my head from her shoulder, meeting her warm, unwavering gaze. She was so precious, so pure. Was there any way to keep her safe? "I can't stop thinking about it."

"Then don't think," she said, suddenly passionate. Her hands held my face with more strength than I knew she possessed. "Just feel. Focus on here and now."

Her lips crashed into mine, forcing me to do as she asked. Her soft lips pressed and tugged at mine with fervor, and she pressed her body flush against mine. It was like the day at the country house again, feeling overwhelmed by her heat and unable to resist the way she ignited for me. I _couldn't_ resist now, not when she was wearing my ring on my finger and she offered herself freely.

I plunged my hands into her hair that still hung loose, never put up this morning. It was soft and silky, perfect. My mouth opened of its own volition, and our tongues met, wet and hot, setting my body aflame. My trousers felt suddenly too tight as I hardened in automatic response. I needed more of her.

Carefully, I nudged her back onto the bed. She fell willingly, pulling me onto her, moaning as our bodies meshed intimately. I could feel her breasts conforming to the hardness of my chest, could feel the incredible heat at the apex of her thighs. I ran my hands over her hips and waist, up her ribcage, feeling the curves of her breasts at my fingertips.

I hesitated. Maybe she wasn't offering quite so much when she kissed me. Even if she were, maybe it was wrong to take it.

"Bella – I – is this…?"

"Don't stop," she said, eyes clear and longing, framed by dark and delicate lashes. She tugged my face down to hers again, and I was no longer strong enough to resist. I kissed her until I felt like my chest would explode, either from elation or asphyxiation, but I couldn't bear to drag my lips away from her skin. I kissed her delicate jaw instead, listening to her heaving breaths and her quiet sounds of enjoyment. Those sounds gave my hands the courage to cup her breasts; my thumbs brushed over her swollen nipples, pressing against the cloth of her gown.

Bella moaned low in her throat at my touch. The combination of that sound and the feel of her under my palms made me groan, too, and my lips sought out hers again. I felt like a lecher as I continued to fondle her breasts, but I couldn't stop. She didn't seem to mind at all, because she was touching me now, her hands mapping my neck and shoulders and chest.

I swallowed heavily as I felt her fingers begin to unbutton my shirt. I pulled back as she freed the last button, looking into her heavy-lidded eyes. Her hands touched my skin with shocks of electricity, and I gasped as they roamed over my chest and abdomen. No one had ever touched me this way before, but I knew instinctively that it would only feel this way with Bella. She had an unbreakable hold on my heart and mind, and now on my body, too.

I wanted to touch her, too, and I didn't think she would object, but her blasted dress covered _everything_. For the first time, I gave a thought to women's fashion – they must do it on purpose simply to deprive us. Her knees were raised as I lay alongside her, so I reached for her ankle, feeling smooth, taut skin. She hadn't bothered to put on stockings in her haste this morning. I plucked the shoes from her feet before I let my hands journey up her silky-skinned calves. Her skirt gathered at my wrist, exposing her shapely legs. Up I traveled, grazing the back of her knee, watching her parted lips and dark eyes. I paused, unsure, when my fingers touched her hip, grazing her undergarments.

She was more composed than I was as her steady fingers unbuttoned her bodice. I watched as the folds of fabric parted, revealing the lace-trimmed neckline of her silk chemise. The soft swell of her breasts was visible to me, and through the semi-transparent fabric, I could see the pinkness of her nipples straining against the fabric. The demonic little fellow in my trousers twitched in response, and though she hadn't noticed, I blushed anyway.

Bella surprised me when she stood up on her knees and raised her arms for me, indicating that I could remove her dress. This was really happening; she was truly offering all of herself to me. I was humbled and nervous and painfully excited, so much so that my fingers shook as I lifted the pile of material over her head.

I dropped it to the floor, unconcerned with its fate. Bella sat before me in her chemise, and the sight was unbearably alluring, even having seen her so undressed before, and soaking wet, no less. I had a feeling I would never get over the sight of this woman, and the thought sent a rush of warmth through me. This woman, my fiancée, the woman I would see every day for the rest of my life...the woman who was giving herself to me without a second thought. I felt undeserving, yet incapable of refusing her gift.

Bella interrupted my ogling when she leaned in to push the shirt from my shoulders. It too dropped to the floor, forgotten, as I took her into my arms, unable to resist the temptation to touch any longer. I could almost feel her skin through the thin silk of her undergarments, and her shoulders felt so smooth and delicate under my lips. Her little sigh of pleasure as she ran her hands over the bare skin of my back made me tremble.

"_Bella_," I breathed, utterly captivated by her. My hands ran down her back, over the gentle swell of her hips, reaching the hem of her chemise that rested at mid-thigh. She rose slightly, giving me room to remove it, and I didn't try to resist.

My eyes roamed the newly exposed territory greedily. She was covered only by the most intimate of undergarments now. I was able to see her softly curved stomach, her cute little belly button, her small but full breasts. As if she could read my mind, she brought one of my hands to her breast, silently giving permission. Her eyes told me that she wasn't merely humoring me – that she truly wanted me to touch her.

Her breast was heavy in my hand, soft and pliable, and I marveled at the puckered texture of her nipple beneath my thumb.

"You're so soft," I breathed, running my hand down her stomach. I could feel the fine, downy hairs on her skin, the rise and fall of her breath. I wanted more – I wanted all of her – but I didn't really know what to do with a woman, and I didn't know what _she_ wanted me to do.

Again, she seemed to understand. She shifted closer, kissing me as her skin came into contact with mine. We gasped in unison, and her mouth was as frantic as mine as I held her to me, exploring the dips and curves of her back.

I felt her hands reach between us, brushing the button of my trousers, grazing against _me_. I jerked in aroused surprise, wishing desperately she would do it again, and heaven help me, she did. I gasped at her touch and her unexpected boldness, and could think of nothing to do but hold still as she unfastened my trousers. She pulled back to look in my eyes as she worked, and when it came time to take them off, I felt embarrassed and uncertain. Would my body please her? Would she be repulsed?

I wriggled out of them, taking my shoes and socks along the way, and I thought I caught the hint of a smile as Bella turned and pressed her lips to my shoulder. "There's nothing to be ashamed of," she whispered, astounding me again. Was she somehow privy to my innermost thoughts, or was I that transparent? Either way, I was grateful to her. I touched my fingers to her cheek as I glanced down at her undergarments; that seemed as good a place to start as any.

"May I?" I asked tentatively.

"Please," she said, watching my every move. I unfastened the garment, avoiding her gaze because it would only make me self-conscious. I pulled them away and forgot about everything else as I took in her naked form.

She was beautiful, better than any work of art in any museum, better than the dirty pictures boys passed around at school. She was exquisite, timeless. I would love her forever. I knew it with such deep-seated certainty that I had to pause to catch my breath.

I reached out to touch her inner thigh, drawn by the smooth skin. Her legs parted slightly, invitingly but not obscenely. I could see feminine pink skin beneath her dark brown curls, and I _had_ to touch. Her legs widened a little further, and I could see everything – glistening folds, swollen with arousal, too pretty and perfect to bear.

Her hand covered mine and guided my fingers upward, to a tiny nub. I stroked it lightly, curious, and she let out the most gorgeous moan. I pressed my fingers harder and watched as her legs shook. Pleased with my triumph, I circled the spot again and again, alternating speed and pressure, watching with delight as her skin flushed and sounds of wanton pleasure escaped her parted lips. I licked my dry lips and moved my fingers lower, curious to feel between her folds. My index finger slid inside of her easily, exploring the hot, wet space inside of her. Just the thought of feeling that around my shaft set me off, but her needy moan broke my resistance entirely.

I was above her in a flash, kissing her overworked lips. Bella's arms wrapped around me as she kissed me back, and I felt entirely over-stimulated. I could feel so much of her skin, and her hands were on me, and heaven help me, she smelled so good.

I felt her fingers unfastening my underwear, and I wasn't about to argue with her. I wriggled out of them impatiently when she finished, forgetting to be self-conscious. I swear, my manhood breathed a sigh of relief at finally being freed.

Bella looked me over as I sat on my knees between her legs, and I flushed, wondering if I was going to be good enough for her, if I was doing this right.

"Bella, is there anything more I should…do for you?" I asked her, wishing for the first time that I'd paid more attention when the boys at school had talked about their experiences. "I don't really know how to…how to take care of a woman," I admitted, ashamed.

Bella shook her head, smiling sweetly. "No, you've been wonderful," she said vehemently. "Come here."

I shifted forward carefully, hovering over her, stopping when our eyes were level. Bella arched up and kissed me urgently; I could feel her smiling against my lips. It reassured me. Her hands were on my lower back, pushing gently, and then I was close enough to feel the silken skin of her sex against my arousal. I sucked in a sharp breath, hearing her do the same, and met her eyes as I eased myself inside her. I groaned helplessly at the sweet heat, the slickness, the tight flesh squeezing me.

I stopped when I couldn't go any further, almost completely inside her, and checked her face for any discomfort. I thought it was supposed to be painful for a woman's first time, but she seemed the opposite of uncomfortable.

I moved experimentally, pulling out nearly completely before slowly sinking into her again. I shuddered and her arms wrapped around me and her legs curled around mine. I'd never felt so intensely pleasured or so completely alive.

"Just let go," she said pleadingly, and her hips shifted upward, forcing me deeper inside her. "Let go, Edward."

I kissed her desperately, trying to tell her without words how wonderful she was, how much I adored her. I made two quick thrusts and moaned against her mouth, feeling out of control, tingling all over from the delicious friction. I fell to instinct, driving into her again and again, listening to her moans and cries and the slapping of our skin and our frantic breathing. This had to be heaven.

I lost track of time as I made love to her, completely absorbed by her. She took over all of my senses – the taste of her mouth, her voice strained with passion, the smell of her sex, the sight of her flushed and overcome beneath me, the _feel_ of her around me –

My arms shook and my legs went weak. My thrusts became irregular, frantic, as I tried to bring her to completion, but I didn't think I could last. By all that was holy, I would try, though. I pushed into her determinedly, and then suddenly her inner walls fluttered and clamped down around me. Her cry of ecstasy was the most beautiful thing I'd ever heard.

Oh, God, it felt so good, too good. My arms gave out and I was probably crushing her as I pushed my hips forward as far as I could, sheathing myself deep inside her as she continued to squeeze around me.

I released with an embarrassing groan, shuddering and breaking out into a cold sweat as my groin tightened painfully and then relaxed. I felt weak and weightless as I dropped my head to her shoulder. I knew I should move away. We were both sweaty and my weight must be uncomfortable to her, but I couldn't yet. I stayed inside her as our breathing slowed and I softened.

Feeling on the verge of sleep, I forcibly lifted my head and looked at her pink cheeks and heavy eyes, suddenly worried. It seemed as though she'd enjoyed herself, but had this been the right time? Had I wronged her by taking her this way?

"I'm sorry," I finally sighed, knowing I'd been selfish. "I swore I would make you my wife first."

Bella shook her head quickly, all seriousness. "Edward, I love you. That's all that matters to me."

"And how I love you," I sighed, forgiving myself because I had needed her and I would need her again. "I suppose, now that it's happened, it couldn't hurt to do it again." Our virtues were sullied already, after all.

Bella laughed, eyes dancing with amusement as she stared up at me. "I think we both need some time to recover first."

"But in general," I pressed, rolling us over so that she was free from my weight but still clutched tightly to me, "I think we should do it again. And again and again and again…"

"Count me in," she said through laughter, beaming back at me.

We lay there quietly for some time. I think Bella fell asleep for a bit. My mind was racing, reliving every moment… I had questions about what had happened, about why it had been so easy for Bella when it was supposed to be painful for virgins. I didn't want to contemplate the possibility that she'd been with anyone else; surely that wasn't possible. With a heavy pang of sadness, I wished for my father. It would have been embarrassing as hell, but he could have answered my questions.

By the time Bella woke again, I had decided it didn't matter. She was mine, now and forever, and if the past didn't trouble her, I wouldn't worry, either. I had her body, her heart, the promise of her hand in marriage…I could be nothing but blissfully content.

For propriety's sake, we dressed and went downstairs, ignoring the knowing looks from the few servants still around. Bella cooked for us. I found it terribly arousing, watching her in front of the stove, the ends of her hair curling from the heat and steam, sweat breaking out along her skin… I could picture a million moments like this, a million days when I would get to look at her and know that I had her love.

We only made it until early evening before we determined through a shared, knowing look that it was time to return to bed. We undressed ourselves this time, but I couldn't keep from staring at her, and I couldn't keep from blushing when she looked at me.

In the dark, underneath the covers, we kissed and touched. The slide of her skin against mine was intoxicating. I couldn't get enough. My hands continually sought out her thighs, her curves, her breasts, the heat of her sex… I loved the smell of her down there – I wanted to taste her, but I didn't dare ask. Surely she would think it strange or perverse, even depraved.

Bella could sense my distraction, however.

"What is it?" she asked against my lips. Her light fingers wrapped around my shaft, and I lost all coherent thought. "Is there something you want? Tell me…please…"

My mind was so addled by her touch that I blurted it out without thinking. "I want to – want to taste you," I groaned, and then felt the delayed embarrassment as she took her hand away.

But she took hold of my right hand and placed it between her legs. "Taste me here, you mean?"

"Yes," I admitted, uncertain. I wished I could properly see her face to know her reaction.

"I'd like that," she whispered through the darkness. My breath caught and my member pulsed harder.

"Really?"

"Really." I could hear her smiling. "Women…really like that, actually."

"Oh," I breathed. Trailing my fingers through her wetness, I decided to relinquish my hesitation. Feeling ridiculous but also incredibly aroused, I scooted down under the covers until my face was even with her sex. Bella giggled, but it was breathy with excitement, and I wished like hell I was doing this in the light of day so that I could see this intimate part of her body up close.

I pressed my lips to her stomach, beneath her navel, and worked my way down. I kissed one thigh, then the other. She began to squirm, impatient, and I finally pressed a kiss to that spot she'd so loved having touched earlier. Bella let out a sigh and one of her hands raked through my hair.

"It feels good," she murmured to me, bolstering my confidence. I tested my tongue against her, tasting sweetness and salt. Bella moaned, and her hips jerked, and I couldn't stop a smile from spreading across my face. This couldn't be all that depraved if she was enjoying it so much.

I explored her with my mouth, pressing my tongue into her slit, savoring her flavor, sucking on her swollen nub. Her fingers pushed and pulled at my hair, guiding me and urging me on. I licked and suckled until she climaxed, crying out and trembling.

When she relinquished her grip on my hair, I crawled up her body. In the darkness, I could just make out her face, white against the inky darkness of her hair. She was smiling.

"Did you like that?" I asked, partly to be sure, partly just to hear her say it.

"Yes, as if you couldn't tell," Bella laughed. "Did _you_ like it?"

"Yes," I breathed. "You taste like…I don't know. I can't put my finger on it. But I love it."

Her answering smile was a little strange, as if something about what I had said amused her, though she also looked aroused again.

"Can I touch you?" she asked, flattening her palms against my chest. I nodded, trying not to look too eager. As if I could refuse her touch.

Her breathing accelerated as her hands roamed. She was thorough; her hands covered my chest and shoulders, my arms and back and buttocks. They returned to my chest, circling my nipples. I let out a gasp at the sensation. Bella just smiled and leaned in to put her mouth on one, then the other, brushing them with her tongue and scraping them with her teeth. After having my mouth on her, and now this, I was painfully hard, ready to be inside her again.

Bella wasn't done, though, and when her lips left my skin, her hands slid down my abdomen until one closed around my shaft again. I still wasn't prepared for the sensation of her holding me that way. It was almost too much.

Her hand stroked me lightly while the other moved downward still, grazing against my sac. I gasped, my head dropping to her shoulder; holding it up was too much effort when I was so paralyzed with need. Her hand tightened around me, pumping slowly, and I groaned helplessly.

"Bella, I don't think you should – ˮ

"Just let me, please," Bella said into my ear. "I want to make you feel good."

I sighed, but didn't argue. It felt fantastic but wrong to have her touch me this way, to perform this sordid act that I did behind closed doors to my most improper fantasies. She claimed to want this, however, and I held my release back as long as I could, hoping she would stop. It didn't work.

"Bella, you must stop…please…I'm going to – going to – "

"I want you to, Edward. Just let go," she murmured, only moving her hand faster. I tried to hold back, but couldn't any longer. With a groan, I climaxed, spilling into her hand.

As soon as I recovered my senses, I was mortified. I scrambled to retrieve a handkerchief from the drawer in my bedside table, and I grabbed Bella's hand to clean it off.

She took the handkerchief from me and did it herself, chuckling a little. "Edward, what's gotten into you? I don't think it's going to burn through my skin if we don't clean it off fast enough."

"You shouldn't have done that, Bella," I said, frowning. Once I was satisfied she was taken care of, I lay back against the pillows, wanting to pull her close to me, but feeling undeserving.

"Why not?" Bella said as she set aside the sullied handkerchief. She settled down beside me, cuddling against me. "Didn't you like it?" She sounded genuinely puzzled.

"That's – that's not the issue," I protested, embarrassed with myself. "It's just that a lady shouldn't be subjected to that kind of thing."

Bella's head rested on my shoulder, and I felt her smile against my skin. "I appreciate your concern for my delicate feminine sensibilities, but I actually liked doing that for you. What's wrong with a woman touching the man she loves? The man she's going to marry?"

"Nothing, I suppose," I admitted reluctantly, feeling warm all over by her casual reference to our engagement. Still, I wasn't sure I'd ever let her do that again. She should be nothing short of worshiped when we were together like this.

Bella chuckled again, nuzzling my skin. She was warm against my side, the shape of her body fitting perfectly to mine. "I love you," she said, smiling.

I smiled, too. In the grand scheme of things, I knew her love was all that mattered.

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**A/N: Ahem. So, yeah, this chapter makes me feel a little dirty, soiling human Edward's innocence. **


	18. Chapter 18

**Title:** Anatomy of a Human

**Author:** Amethyst Jackson

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** Companion to Only Human. Edward's young life is irreversibly altered when a mysterious girl in strange clothing stumbles into his world.

**Disclaimer:** Twilight and its characters belongs to a whole lot of people, namely Stephenie Meyer and whomever she chooses to share the rights with, but I'm not one of those people. I wish I was, because I could use the cash, but I am making no money off this story or any other derivative work, so there's nothing to sue me for.

* * *

**Chapter Eighteen**

Around mid-morning, I woke with my body wrapped around Bella's, one of my hands curled around her breast. The touch of her skin to mine made me feel alive like I never had before, and the soft curve under my palm had me itching to wake her and see if she would let me take pleasure in her again.

My conscience chimed in then, reminding me that I needed to go to the hospital to see my mother and that I'd already kept Bella awake half the night.

Would I ever stop being such a cad? As soon as my mother got out of the hospital, I decided, I would make arrangements for Bella and I to marry. It simply wouldn't do to leave her waiting now that we'd been...intimate.

A new thought struck me then. What if I'd gotten her with child? My head spun a bit and I decided I'd better get out of bed before any more damage could be done.

I went to my wardrobe and dressed, being very carefully not to catch sight of Bella behind me through the mirror, lest I be tempted. When I finished and found Bella still deeply asleep, I went downstairs to scrounge up some breakfast. In the empty kitchen, I found some strawberry preserves and spread a thick layer over a slice of bread. After I'd finished, I went back upstairs to check on Bella. Since she still slept, I wrote her a quick note.

_Bella,_

_Went to visit Mother. They're only letting in immediate family for an hour each day; I thought you'd rather sleep than wait around for me. I'll be back by eleven._

_I love you,_

_Edward_

That didn't seem quite enough given the momentous occasion of the night before, so I added:

_P.S. Waking up next to you this morning was heavenly. It was nearly impossible to leave._

Somewhat satisfied, I went out to the car and drove to the hospital.

They had the same man guarding the door as they had yesterday. I worried that he wouldn't let me in, despite what the nurse had said about being able to visit for a short time each day. He recognized me, though, and introduced himself as George. I gave him my name as well and was admitted inside.

The smell hit me again – blood and urine and feces and God knows what else – but I breathed through my mouth and hoped that in spite of the awful stench, my mother was still receiving the best care for her illness.

When I reached her beside, I found to my great surprise and elation that my mother was sitting up in her little cot. Her face was still flushed and she still sat huddled in the blanket I'd wrapped her in yesterday, but she smiled at the sight of me.

"Mother," I breathed, sinking to my knees beside her bed. "How are you feeling today?"

"Better," she assured me, her hands already reaching to tame my hair. "Are you and Bella both well?"

I nodded. "We're just fine. Oh, Mother, I hope you forgive me for bringing you here – I didn't know what to do, and Bella suggested the hospital, and the doctors I saw said you'd be better off here –"

"Hush, now, child," she urged, then broke off to cough into a handkerchief. I eyed the fabric with dread as she pulled it from her mouth, but it came away clean. I sagged with relief.

"You did the right thing," she went on. "I'd much rather you and Bella remain safe at home and let the good doctors tend to the likes of me. I'm in very good hands. Dr. Cullen has been seeing to me."

"Bella's friend?" I tensed.

She nodded. "A very kind man, though he has the _coldest_ hands. And handsome, too. But rather a sad soul, I think. He's too busy to talk with me much, but it's nice having a connection to somebody in here."

"Yes, of course..." My eyes drifted past her to the next cot, where Mary lay sleeping. Mother followed my gaze.

"She's not doing well," Mother said sadly. "I heard the nurses talking – her fever isn't going down."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "I hope that changes soon."

"As do I," Mother sighed. "Mary's been with us for so long...but you must give me something happy to think on. Tell me what you and Bella have been up to."

I ducked my head so that she wouldn't see me blush. "She's been...a great comfort to me," I said, and then hurried on, "She's been cooking for us. She's much better in the kitchen than she is with knitting needles."

She laughed weakly. "That's good to hear. I'm so glad you have a good girl like Bella to take care of you."

The tone in her voice – like she wouldn't be around to take care of me anymore – made me uncomfortable.

"I think as soon as you're well, Bella and I should marry. With us in the house without a chaperone right now...well, how must it look?"

"Indeed," Mother sighed. "With your father gone, your name is the only protection she'll have here..."

I gulped. I hadn't thought of that. If I became ill...

"Don't fret now, Edward. Everything will come right in the end."

I remained at my mother's bedside until a nurse came over with her hands on her hips and shooed me out.

By the time I got home, it was close to lunch time. I called out Bella's name, hoping she was up and around.

"In the kitchen!" she yelled, and when I found her, I grinned at the sight of her cooking. Thank heavens – that slice of bread had not lasted long.

"You're a godsend, Bella," I told her, unable to resist stepping behind her and wrapping my arms around her.

"How is your mother?" she asked as she continued her culinary work.

"She's much better," I said, thrilled that I could deliver good news. "Her fever is down enough that she'd lucid. She talked to me the entire time asking after us. She's worried we're not eating enough here. I think she might recover, Bella."

"That's wonderful news. I told you she was strong," she said cheerfully, and her optimism added to my hope.

"I think everything might turn out all right...I can get back to work soon, and then…then we can start our life together properly," I said with satisfaction.

Bella chose that moment to turn down the gas on the stove. "Food's done."

We sat down at the table to eat. I told her what I felt comfortable sharing about my visit to the hospital. I didn't mention the stench of the place or the people I'd seen on the way to my mother's cot or even the fact that Dr. Cullen was treating my mother. I still felt uncomfortable bringing his name up.

"Did you see Mary?" Bella asked me. I'd hoped she'd neglect to ask after her, but I should have known better.

"She's right next to mother," I admitted, looking down at my plate. "She's not faring as well."

"It's all so horrible," Bella said, sounding as forlorn as I'd ever heard her.

"I know. But remember what you said – we still have each other," I reminded her.

"Right. That's the important thing," she said, but her smile was tight, a little grim. I hoped there would be more good news tomorrow to cheer her up.

She cleared her throat, ready to change the subject. "So, what would you like to do today?"

"Actually, I was thinking of a nap. I'm still tired from last night." I could feel my smile turning sly at the memory of what had kept me from my sleep.

Bella's cheeks lit up with a pretty blush. "I certainly wouldn't want to get in the way of any more of your sleep."

"Oh, but I would definitely want you to," I chuckled, feeling light at heart. With plans in my head to marry Bella soon and my mother on the mend, I couldn't help feeling more carefree.

Bella rolled her eyes and started clearing away the dishes. "Why don't you go upstairs and get started on that nap? Maybe if you're asleep when I join you, you'll be less tempted to let me interrupt."

"Very well," I agreed, rather wishing she would go right up with me. "But don't blame me if I can't sleep without you there."

I climbed the stairs up to my bedroom and stripped down to my undergarments before crawling under the covers. The heat of the summer had died down somewhat and the breeze coming through the window was pleasantly cool. Suddenly, I was exhausted. The feather pillow felt so nice under my head, and my eyes were so heavy...but I fought back sleep, hoping to be awake when Bella joined me.

She took a long time, and I thought I might have dozed a bit before I heard the door creak open. I smiled happily as she crawled under the covers with me, her warm body sidling up to mine. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, and as her lavender scent filled my head, I fell asleep easily.

My dreams started off pleasantly enough. They largely featured Bella in the creek outside the country house, her wet undergarments clinging to her skin, except this time I touched her like I'd wanted to then, and she touched me, too.

As soon as my dream started to become really, truly wonderful, though, the skies above the creek turned dark, and a freezing rain fell down on us.

I woke clinging to Bella, shivering uncontrollably. Why was I so cold? Bella wasn't shivering...

I got up to close the window and found my feet unsteady. I swayed and had to grip the windowsill to stay upright. The air coming in wasn't cold, but I was still freezing.

A growing panic loomed in the back of my mind, but I refused to let it form into conscious thought. I was simply cold. A nice, hot cup of tea would help. I dressed unsteadily in my pajamas and wrapped my robe around me for good measure, then went on shaky feet out into the hallway.

I made it halfway down the stairs before my legs gave out. I fell against the wall and slid down to the floor. My eyes drifted closed. Maybe if I just rested a moment...

I heard my bedroom door open. Bella must have woken at the sound of me falling. Her cool hand touched my forehead, and I opened my eyes, wanting to deny what was happening.

When I looked into Bella's horrified eyes, I knew there was no use.

"No," she choked out, her hand suddenly trembling.

"I'm sorry, Bella," I whispered. Sorry for so many things – for getting sick and leaving her helpless, for scaring her, for not marrying her yesterday...

"Hush," she said, voice wavering. "It's going to be okay. I'm going to take care of you. Wait here. I'll get help."

She went down the stairs. I closed my eyes again, waiting. What help was there now? My father was gone, my mother and Mary in the hospital...there was Bella, and two maids who had all but disappeared since we'd taken Mother to the hospital...I was all Bella had now. I couldn't leave her like this.

I tried to sit up straighter. If I fought and fought and fought, I _would_ survive this, and Bella and I would have the future I'd promised her.

* * *

**A/N: Well. That's done, and I still have seven hours of work to go...**

**It seems that there are still some people reading this who haven't read or aren't aware of the original story, Only Human. If you're dying to know what's going on with strange ol' Bella, Only Human will answer all those questions...but I suppose you're welcome to wait to the end for your answers, if you like.**


	19. Chapter 19

**Title:** Anatomy of a Human

**Author:** Amethyst Jackson

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** Companion to Only Human. Edward's young life is irreversibly altered when a mysterious girl in strange clothing stumbles into his world.

**Disclaimer:** Twilight and its characters belongs to a whole lot of people, namely Stephenie Meyer and whomever she chooses to share the rights with, but I'm not one of those people. I wish I was, because I could use the cash, but I am making no money off this story or any other derivative work, so there's nothing to sue me for.

* * *

**Chapter Nineteen**

Bella went to the telephone to call someone for help. I could hear her voice, but not the words she spoke. She returned to me moments later where I remained on the staircase.

"Okay, Edward, it's time to get you back to bed," she said. I struggled, trying to get to my feet and ultimately failing. Bella propped her shoulder under my arm, allowing me to lean on her, and we were able to travel the few steps up and down the hall to my bedroom. Bella tucked me into bed, but I still couldn't stop shivering.

"You should go," I urged her. It was all I could think of right now. "You could become sick as well. Go to the country house –"

"It's too late for that," she interrupted, pushing the damp strands of hair off my forehead. "Besides, I can't leave you now. My friend Carlisle is coming to help us. He'll help me get you to the hospital."

"Hospital…and then you go," I said firmly. I could get well…I _would_ get well, but I had to know Bella was safe. If she was at the country house, I could return to her after I recovered, and then I wouldn't wait another second to make her my wife.

"No," she shook her head. "Carlisle will convince them to let me stay. I won't leave until I absolutely have to."

"You're so damned stubborn," I complained, giving up for now. Maybe Carlisle could help to convince her. "No sense of self-preservation."

"Just accept it," she said, smiling as though her insanity was somehow humorous. "Let me do what I have to do."

I groaned and squeezed my eyes shut. A horrible headache was coming on, I could feel it, and my stomach was twisting uneasily. I felt Bella place a cold washcloth over my forehead and her voice began to hum, and I eventually fell asleep.

I didn't wake again until I was being placed into the backseat of an unfamiliar car. I could feel Bella there, could smell her soft lavender scent, but I couldn't seem to drag myself from the fog around me. I mumbled for help, but none came.

As we travelled to the hospital, I was only vaguely aware of my surroundings. I heard Bella's voice, and a smooth masculine voice, but the words were too hard to make out, and the ride was so bumpy…

Soon I was being carried again. I struggled, wanting to walk under my own power, but the arms enclosing me wouldn't allow it, and I gave in, exhausted. I wanted Bella. I wanted to be home with her now, tucked away in bed. I wanted to sleep until this awful feeling went away.

"Edward!" I heard the cry but couldn't find the source of it with my eyes. Was that my mother? Had my mother come to take care of me?

"I'm sorry," I heard Bella say as I was placed down on a soft surface. Someone pulled a blanket over me, and I tried to sleep again, but someone was pressing something cold on my chest, and it made me shiver even more.

"Is there any way I can stay?" I heard Bella ask.

The masculine voice replied, "I'll make sure nobody bothers you."

My eyes finally found Bella, and they followed her for as long as they could before I succumbed to fatigue and went to sleep.

My dreams while I slept were strange, too colorful and too scary to make sense of. I was able to focus on the world around me for only brief moments of time – a damp cloth on my forehead, Bella's hands or face, my mother in the bed beside mine.

After an eternity, my fever broke, and my eyes were clear enough to see Bella sitting in a wooden chair between the cots my mother and I slept in. I wanted to look over my mother to see if Mary was still there, but I couldn't manage the effort.

Bella noticed I was awake and was immediately hovering over me. I smiled at the sight of her, though she looked tired and pale.

"How long have you been here?" I asked. She shouldn't be wearing herself thin trying to care for me. She'd only end up sick, too.

Bella brought a spoonful of watery chicken broth to my lips. "Nearly twenty-four hours."

I swallowed reluctantly. It tasted horrid. Some salt or pepper would help a great deal. "Have you slept?"

"A little."

I tolerated another spoonful before I started my argument. "Bella…you should go home…rest. I won't have you lying in the hospital, too."

Her brow furrowed and her dark eyes looked somberly upon me. "You know me better than that."

She wouldn't leave; I could see that now. For whatever reason, she felt certain she would be fine – or at least that it didn't matter what happened to her. That sort of thinking was unacceptable to me, but there were more important things to worry about. "If I don't make it, Bella, I need to know you're safe."

She huffed out a sigh. "Don't worry about me right now. You need to concentrate on getting better –"

"The safe, at the house," I said, stopping her spoon-holding hand. "The combination is eight-one-seven-five, please, promise you'll remember. I left as much money as I could…"

After we'd finished going through father's study, I'd put all the important documents in the safe, along with the bank notes I'd found in his bottom desk drawer. If she had that, she would be okay...she could go to the country house...and then I'd find her...

"Shh," Bella hushed. "I'll remember, I promise. Please, Edward. I don't want to think about that now."

"Bella…we'll still get married one day…" I promised, but my head was starting to spin again, and I struggled to keep Bella's visage in my mind's eye. "In a beautiful meadow…"

"Yes, Edward. We will. I promise you," I heard as my eyes fluttered shut.

More time passed. I couldn't be sure how much. Sometimes it was night, sometimes it was day. Bella was always there. Sometimes I felt my mother nearby. Sometimes I saw my father and wondered if I'd already died and gone to join him. But then I'd cough until everything hurt, and I knew at least that I wasn't in heaven.

At some point, I was jostled. My bed was moving. I moaned in protest, but the movement didn't stop.

"Be calm, Edward," the voice said. I'd heard it before, but I couldn't place it. "All will be well soon."

The voice sounded nice, and I was too tired to get away, so I closed my eyes and let him take me where he wanted. I had a niggling thought in the back of my mind that there was someone else I was supposed to be worried about, but I couldn't bring it forward.

The rolling finally stopped, but then I was lifted up. I felt a cool breeze against my face, and then it was gone. I cracked my eyes open, trying to recognize my surroundings, but I couldn't make out anything familiar. I looked up and saw a man's face.

"Who are you?" I mumbled.

"Carlisle Cullen," he said, and I narrowed my eyes. I knew that name.

"Doctor?" I wheezed, hoping he would get my meaning.

"Yes, I'm a doctor," he smiled, and then he was lowering me onto a bed – a nice bed, not a hospital cot.

"Where – ?"

"You're in my home, Edward," he said gently. My fuzzy eyes made his blonde hair look like a halo around his head. "Bella asked me to bring you here to help you."

"Bella," I gasped, clinging to the name. Where was she? Was she safe? I couldn't make the questions form on my lips.

"She's going to come here to join us soon," Carlisle promised. "But it's important that I do what needs to be done to save you before she gets here."

"Save me?" If he could only lift the fog that surrounded me, get rid of the horrible pain in my chest, I would be fine – I knew it…

"Yes. I'm going to warn you, Edward, that this will hurt more than anything you've ever felt – but you'll live. Do you want me to do it?"

Live. It was important that I lived. Bella was waiting for me… "Yes," I coughed.

The doctor lowered his head, and the next thing I felt was a searing pain in my neck.

After that, everything was agony. Oh God, the agony. I had to be dying. Nothing could hurt this much and not mean death. I tried to call out for help, to call out for Bella, but every time I opened my mouth, I could only scream.

"Edward? Edward, it's going to be okay," a voice came through the fire. The voice…the girl…my everything… "Dr. Cullen will take care of you."

"B-Bella?" I forced out, and it turned into another cry as the pain ripped through every fiber of my body – but I'd seen her face. She was alive.

"Yes, Edward, I'm here." A cool hand touched my cheek, and I pressed closer, relieved to feel something other than the pain that covered every inch of my body.

"A-am I…dying?" I asked her. Bella would tell me the truth.

"No," she promised. "No, just changing. The pain will go away, and you'll be just fine."

So, so much pain, though. I wasn't sure I could survive it. Only her voice was keeping me sane. "Stay. Stay with me."

"Of course."

The pain never lessened, never abated for a second. _She_ was there, always there, speaking softly to me, but with every passing minute it grew harder for me to remember her name. I couldn't remember my own name. The pain took over everything, burned through everything, and I couldn't imagine anything but the charred ruins of me would be left at the end.

At one point, I heard two voices.

"What's troubling you, Bella?" Bella...that was her, wasn't it? The girl? But it was so hard to place anything anymore.

"Do you think he'll hate me for this? He's always despised himself for what he is…what if he can't forgive me for coming back in time, knowing what would happen and not doing a thing to prevent it?"

I couldn't make any sense of her words, and just as the first voice began to respond, the pain raged with fury at my inattention and dragged me back down into a hell I could not escape.

There was pain, and pain, and more pain…but at some point, it changed. The pain began to focus, drawing inward, pooling in my chest in a way that was much worse than the full-body pain I'd known before.

Now I was sure I was dying.

The girl's voice went away. I couldn't believe she'd abandoned me now…but maybe the fire had gotten her, too. Something terrible had been happening before the pain began, hadn't it? I couldn't recall the specifics. I should be worried, but all I could think of was the pain.

And then…then it stopped.

I waited. Surely it would come back? Surely it couldn't be over?

I tried a deep breath. A scent greeted me that made my throat burn so badly I wanted to claw it out, or claw through everything keeping me from the life-giving nectar that the scent implied. I vaulted out of bed and finally opened my eyes.

That was when the voices rushed in, and I crumpled to the ground in terror.

* * *

**A/N: So, here we are, getting close to the end. I can't believe our little Edward is a vampire now...**


	20. Chapter 20

**Title:** Anatomy of a Human

**Author:** Amethyst Jackson

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** Companion to Only Human. Edward's young life is irreversibly altered when a mysterious girl in strange clothing stumbles into his world.

**Disclaimer:** Twilight and its characters belongs to a whole lot of people, namely Stephenie Meyer and whomever she chooses to share the rights with, but I'm not one of those people. I wish I was, because I could use the cash, but I am making no money off this story or any other derivative work, so there's nothing to sue me for.

* * *

**Chapter Twenty**

For days, all I could hear were voices – so _many_ voices, so loud and all bombarding me at once, so numerous that I couldn't pick one out among the many. The blonde man – a doctor? – tried to speak with me, but his voice blended with all the others.

I spent what felt like days and weeks curled up on the floor with my hands over my ears, but it didn't help. The voices were so loud that it even overcame the horrible burning in my throat. I was terribly, terribly thirsty, but they'd done something to the water...it tasted so bad that I couldn't swallow it.

Eventually the blonde man dragged me out to a car and began to drive. I didn't – couldn't – ask where we were going.

As we drove out of the city, the voices began to quiet until, miraculously, there was only one.

_He seems better now. More relaxed._

I looked over at the man next to me and frowned. Had he spoken?

_I wonder if I should try talking to him again._

His lips didn't move. My frown deepened.

"Edward?" the man tried, this time with his mouth moving. I hesitated before answering. Was that my name? It sounded right. Edward...Masen. Edward Masen.

_Perhaps I did something wrong...perhaps there was more to my transformation than I thought..._

Again, his lips didn't move.

"How is it that I can hear you when you haven't opened your mouth?" I blurted out.

He tilted his head and looked at me strangely. "What do you mean?"

"I can hear you even when you're not talking directly to me," I admitted.

_How extraordinary. Aro could read thoughts with touch, but could it be that Edward can hear them with no contact at all?_

I laughed. "You think I'm reading minds? That's impossible. People can't read other people's minds."

He smiled grimly. "Unfortunately, Edward, you're going to be experiencing a lot of things that you once thought impossible. Tell me, why were you always covering your ears before we left the city?"

"Because I heard so many voices..." But what he suggested was impossible. How could I possibly be a mind-reader? That was circus stuff, a travelling magician's trick, not reality.

"Who _are_ you?" I demanded, suddenly and irrationally frustrated. "Where are you taking me? Why did I have to struggle to remember my name? What's _happening?_"

He pulled the car over to the side of the road and stopped. "My name is Carlisle Cullen. I'm a doctor. I was treating you and your mother in the hospital – you'd both contracted the Spanish Flu. I managed to save you. I'm taking you to my home outside the city. You're likely having a hard time remembering things because the change is...very traumatic."

My mind was racing. Spanish Flu...my mother...my _father_...and a girl...there was a girl... "The change into _what?_" I finally asked.

Carlisle looked straight at me with nothing but seriousness in his strange, red-gold eyes. "A vampire."

My first reaction was a snort. "A vampire? You expect me to believe that you've turned me into a vampire?"

Carlisle sighed. "Just wait. You'll understand soon enough," he said, and with that, he started the car back up and went on driving. My mind continued to try to catch up to what was happening, but it was like there was a wall of fog between the moment I'd gotten out of bed days ago and all the time before.

"You said you were treating my mother...where is she now?"

Carlisle gave me a mournful look that spoke volumes. "I couldn't help her. I'm sorry, Edward."

I closed my eyes tightly. My mother...if I tried very hard, I could see her in my memory, though it was all fuzzy, missing certain colors – colors that I had no name for, I realized. I tried to remember my father, too, and a swell of grief filled me. Something had happened to my father before my mother and I became ill...

"Did my father die, too?" I asked.

Carlisle nodded.

So I was an orphan. I couldn't remember having any siblings...I couldn't remember anything save for a girl...but she wasn't a sister, I knew that much. I had loved her...loved her more than anything...I could still see her face in my mind's eye, but her name was a mystery.

"There was a girl...she was there until close to the end...where is she now?"

Carlisle didn't turn to look at me this time. "She's safe. That's all you need to know." I wanted to accuse him of lying to me, but there was no undercurrent of deceit in his mind – though I saw her face there, more vibrant than I could remember it, and it made me crazy that he had stronger memories of her than I did.

"At least tell me what her name is...I can't remember her _name_," I complained. I knew at a soul-deep level that she was important to me, vital to my existence even, but for some reason, her name eluded me.

"Bella," Carlisle finally said. "Her name is Bella."

I closed my eyes. Bella. As soon as I figured out what was going on, I would find her, wherever she was, and set about rebuilding my memory.

In the end, I never did go in search of Bella.

Carlisle was right when he told me I'd understand soon enough. The moment we got out of the car outside his cabin in the woods, I caught a scent and took off after it without thinking. I'd drained half the blood dry before I realized I was drinking from a deer's jugular.

After that, I was convinced. Carlisle had made me a vampire, and it would be far, far too dangerous for me to go anywhere near a human. I would have to hope that Bella, wherever she was, was safe and happy and loved.

Being in isolation helped with the onslaught of others' minds, but as soon as I entered a populated area, they rushed back in. Carlisle patiently helped me to learn to control the ability, to tune out the voices I didn't want to hear, and I grew to trust him – more than that, grew to respect and admire him. The innate kindness inside him was impossible to miss when I could hear his every thought.

Years later, Carlisle turned a woman named Esme. She'd attempted to kill herself, and the trauma of her would-be demise lingered. She remembered her human life far better than I could remember mine, and the events haunted her long after she woke as a vampire.

Eventually, it grew to be too much. Carlisle loved her dearly, hated the man who had hurt her passionately, and Esme struggled to let Carlisle come as close as her heart wanted. Their conflicting thoughts and my loneliness drove me away, and I gorged on the blood of murderers and rapists until I hated it too much to go on, and Carlisle and Esme welcomed me back in.

Carlisle turned Rosalie later on, thinking she could keep me company, which infuriated me to no end. Rosalie and I were at each other's throats until she brought a large man home who'd been mauled by a bear. Emmett's happy disposition calmed the household.

Some years later, Alice and Jasper turned up on our doorstep. They both had otherworldly abilities of their own, and it was a comfort to have someone around who understood the burden of knowing more than one should.

Decades passed. We drifted from one town to another, one school to another, never really _living_, but without any other choice in the matter. I often wondered what had become of the girl named Bella, but Carlisle refused to tell me her last name and never once slipped in his thoughts. I was unable to find a single scrap of information about her, and perhaps that was for the best.

I wondered too if I would ever find someone I could love as I had Bella. The signs weren't promising.

By 2005, I was jaded. So much had changed since 1918, and generally not for the better. High school students only became more obnoxious as time passed, and I grew increasingly more bored with life.

Then one day, a new girl came to Forks High School. Her name was Isabella Swan...and she had the face of the girl I'd once loved.

My bemusement swiftly turned to something else when I discovered her scent – it was a scent I'd encountered once before, just after my change, and I daren't believe it meant what I thought – that this teenage girl and the girl I'd loved were one and the same. Of course, the possibility that she _was_ the same girl came secondary to the primary concern that I might at any moment slip and drain her blood.

I tried to stay away from her. No matter _who_ she was, my existence was a danger to her, and I could offer her no kind of future. But she was so utterly entrancing, so familiar and yet so surprising at every turn.

I loved her. Perhaps I had always loved her; there was no way to be sure. But she had the same face, the same bottomless brown eyes, the same sweetness.

I tried to ask Carlisle about it, but he remained tight-lipped, telling me only that all would come right in the end.

I gave into temptation. I told her what I was, let her into my world, and nearly got her killed.

I left her, thinking she was better off. I almost lost her, or so I had thought, and went to the one place where I could secure my demise, only to have her come to my rescue.

I went home with her and begged her forgiveness, but she didn't want me to beg – she wanted me to change her. The idea filled me with dread and denial and more longing than I dared admit. I wanted her forever, but how could I condemn her to what I'd experienced for the past eight decades?

In the end, I agreed to change her if she would marry me. She just _loved_ that notion.

Then I had to fight for her. I had to fight a crazy vampire with a newborn army, and I had to compete for her affections against a damned werewolf.

In the end, she chose me, and the relief overshadowed any remaining misgivings.

I was going to marry Bella and keep her forever.

Our ceremony was perfect, small and intimate. Bella convinced me in spite of all my misgivings to attempt to make love to her on our honeymoon...and our success in that endeavor surprised me as much as it delighted me. I'd never been so happy as I was married to Bella.

When we returned home from our honeymoon, I had come to terms with the future Bella and I would share. She had given me such happiness, such fulfillment, a deep contentment that I knew would last for millennia to come, and if I could do the same for her, then surely I wasn't the soulless monster I'd thought. Surely she would _never_ be a soulless monster.

Alice greeted us with a surprise party for Bella's nineteenth birthday. Everything was happy and perfect until she blew out her candles.

She disappeared. Carlisle and I immediately suspected where she had gone...back to 1918, back to make me fall in love with her for the first time...but there was one problem.

Neither of us knew whether she'd be able to come back.

* * *

**A/N: And here we are, full circle. One more chapter to go.**

**I want to thank you all for coming on this second journey with me. It never fails to blow my mind when people say Only Human was their first fanfic - I mean, with all the fanfics out there, how is that even POSSIBLE? - and it makes my heart that much warmer that you liked the first enough to do it all over again.**


	21. Chapter 21

**Title:** Anatomy of a Human

**Author:** Amethyst Jackson

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** Companion to Only Human. Edward's young life is irreversibly altered when a mysterious girl in strange clothing stumbles into his world.

**Disclaimer:** Twilight and its characters belongs to a whole lot of people, namely Stephenie Meyer and whomever she chooses to share the rights with, but I'm not one of those people. I wish I was, because I could use the cash, but I am making no money off this story or any other derivative work, so there's nothing to sue me for.

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-One**

Bella had been gone for three days, and though I'd been able to watch her through my returning memories, now that I was sick in the past, I lost sight of her.

God, how would I go on if she couldn't make it back?

One hour passed. Then two. I started to panic. How long had I been ill before I'd been changed? How many hours would that add up to in this time? Three hours, four hours, five –

"Edward!" I suddenly heard from the dining room, and I leapt to my feet. _Bella_. "Edward!"

I scooped her off her feet just as she made it into the living room and clutched her to my chest. My relief was too potent for words, and I couldn't even hold her tightly enough to satisfy the urge lest I crush her fragile bones.

"Oh, Edward! Edward, I was so scared; I didn't know what I should do, what you would want…" she babbled, crying against my shoulder, but I scarcely heard her. I buried my nose in her hair and breathed deeply, so grateful to have her back in my arms.

My family had reacted to Bella's return as well, all gathered around us and reaching out to touch Bella – probably as afraid that this was the work of imagination as I was. If I'd had half a mind to be polite, I would have let her go and give them the chance to hug her and welcome her back – but I had absolutely no intention of releasing her in the near future.

I shot Carlisle a pleading glance, and he took the hint. "Let's give them some time, shall we?"

As soon as he'd said it, I was carrying her up the stairs to our room. The bed remained neat and tidy, unused since before the wedding. I couldn't believe this was the first time I'd been in this room with Bella as her husband. I couldn't believe I'd nearly lost that opportunity.

"You came back," I breathed, trying to calm myself. "You came back to me…"

"I was so afraid I wouldn't be able to," Bella whimpered as I carried her over to the bed. "I didn't know how…"

"How _did_ you get back?" I asked her, relinquishing my grasp on her only enough to let her sit on the bed. I couldn't take my hands off her now, whether it was her face, her neck, her hands, anything. "I couldn't see that part."

"I made another wish," she told me, looking as shell-shocked as I felt. "I guess that was what did it…or perhaps I was simply done there and the wish I made triggered something…I don't know. One moment I was there, and the next, I was back in the dining room. …What do you mean, you couldn't see that part?"

I traced the line of her jaw. She looked thinner – I wonder how she'd fared in her last few days in the past. I would have to get her something to eat very soon. "Every moment you were in my past, new memories formed – not replacing the originals, but creating a new layer," I explained to her. "I saw everything up to the point that I caught the flu…then everything went dark."

Bella's breath hitched, her eyes suddenly apprehensive. "You know everything that happened, then."

"Yes," I nodded. What was she worried about? Was there something _I_ should be worried about?

"How…how do you feel about all of it?" she asked.

I frowned. She sounded just as anxious as I felt. "I feel…conflicted. Grateful. Jealous. Frightened."

"Frightened?" Her reaction was instantaneous. I hoped that didn't mean I had good reason to be frightened.

"Yes, frightened. While I could see everything, I had no way of knowing for sure how you felt, how much of what you said was true…I couldn't be sure if you would still want to come back to me, knowing…knowing what could have been."

Bella shook her head and gave me that silly-vampire-what-am-I-to-do-with-you look she'd mastered. "You thought I would want to stay? Edward…I love you. Every part of you – past, present, and future. What I want hasn't changed at all. I won't settle for anything less than an eternity with you."

I let out a breath. "I just…I couldn't help fearing that you would prefer me human. That you would want to have the life and the family that I can't offer you now, or that you would find it…physically preferable…"

Bella laughed at that. "Oh, silly vampire. Don't you know you haven't changed at all?"

"I should hope there have been a few changes in 90-odd years," I said a tad defensively.

"A few," she said, leaning into my side. "But all the things that matter are the same. Did you really think I could let go of everything I have here that easily? That everything we've survived to get to this point would be for nothing?"

"I didn't know what to think," I confessed, feeling once again the raw vulnerability of the past few days. "I had no way to ask you."

"I'm sorry," she sighed, resting her head on my shoulder, her warmth sinking through my clothing. "It must have been awful for you, watching that for months and not knowing…"

"Actually, it was only a few days for me," I admitted. How selfish of me to forget that while I'd been suffering the agony of the unknown for a few days, she'd likely had much worse.

"But I was in the past for over two months," she said, her face amusingly befuddled.

"From my calculations, each day that you were gone lasted an hour for me. You were missing for a little less than three days."

"Well…I guess that's good, then…"

"I think it's good," I sighed, not blaming her for being a little flabbergasted. "I couldn't have watched that for months…"

She wrapped her arms around me, warming me all over. "Was it really that bad?"

"I don't know how to describe it. I was…jealous of myself," I explained haltingly. "I was viewing my own memories, but they were all new to me – I didn't feel as though I'd already experienced these things and was reliving them. It felt like experiencing them through someone else entirely…and when I watched my past self falling in love with you, kissing you, touching you…I wanted it to be _me_, even though, technically…it was."

Bella cringed. "I worried, at first, that I was…betraying you, somehow. But…the longer I was in the past, the more I felt like I _was_ with you. I can't make the separation in my mind anymore."

I would have to accept that she could love me past and present, just as I'd come to love her in two different times.

"It's okay. Now that I know how you feel, what you were thinking…I'm not afraid anymore."

"I'm glad...I'm so relieved."

"Relieved? What were you afraid of?" I asked. I nearly smacked myself for asking. She'd likely had many things to be afraid of.

"That you would hate me for not changing the past when I had the chance. For not saving you from getting sick and becoming a vampire…"

I kissed her temple and smiled to myself because I could ease her fears. "Who's the silly one now? Don't you know you never would have convinced me to change my plans? Furthermore, I wouldn't want any of it changed. I should have let you know that much a long time ago, but your presence in my life changed everything. I'm happy I was changed, if only for the chance to meet you…and now, to know that I was being preserved for a time when I could be with you again…that brings the puzzle together perfectly."

"I'm amazed that I didn't change anything…I was afraid I'd come back and find my whole future destroyed."

"You changed things in small ways," I told her. "The history is very subtly different, but only on my side. I didn't remember much after my transformation, only your face and that I had loved you. Carlisle very carefully kept any thought of you from his mind, lest he give away the future to me. When I met you, after the bloodlust had passed somewhat, I realized you had the same face as the one I'd loved…I didn't know what to make of it. It gave me more reason than ever to try to stay away from you, though – how could I drag you into my world? When I did give in to temptation, I didn't dare say anything – it was crazy enough for you to accept me for what I was. I wasn't about to tell you that I'd known you in 1918."

"But then, shouldn't you have understood what happened when I disappeared?"

I shrugged, helpless to give a good answer. "That's where it all gets a bit fuzzy, because I still have overlapping memories up until the point where you return. But I was still very worried – I may have known where you were, but I still had no way of knowing for sure that you would be safe or that you would come back."

"I'm glad I'm back," she said, and there were no words for me to express how glad I was, too. "I don't regret the experience – I've learned so much from it. But it was scary, not knowing what would happen to me or how I might change things."

"You're not sad at all?" I asked, holding up her left hand where the small sapphire ring rested on her finger. It was a pitiful little thing, but I could remember with clarity how desperate I'd been to give her any kind of ring. I'd wanted nothing more to marry her then – I felt so blessed to be married to her now.

"Not for myself, no," she said, and I watched as she shifted the ring to her right hand and reached into her pocket, where my mother's ring and the wedding band I'd given her were waiting. Seeing those rings back on her finger did a great deal to calm me, but I was still concerned about her answer.

Bella went on, "I'm sad that I couldn't give you what you wanted right away – I'm sad you had to wait so long for me. But if anything, being in the past only made me love you more, seeing how much of your humanity is still there, even after all you've been through. I understand so much more now, and I'm ready. I'm ready for forever with you."

"I love you." There was nothing more to do but kiss her – kiss both hands, both wearing rings I'd given her – then kiss her lips, her sweet, soft, warm lips that accepted me so readily. When I pulled away, her fingers clutched my shirt, trying to hold me there.

"Don't stop. It's been so long for me. I want to feel you here with me," she breathed. I'd grown to love that look in her eyes, the one that always preceded the scent of her arousal.

"I don't want to stop," I told her in the same tone, watching her eyes darken. "Even three days without you is far too many."

We came together as though by magnetic force, falling back to the bed as I kissed her as thoroughly as I could. God, I was ready to change her this instant. There had been far too many close calls, far too many things threatening to take her away from me, and I was done fighting myself and fate both.

Bella's hot hands snuck under my shirt, igniting a thousand, million nerve endings.

"Touch me," she begged, palming my back, fingernails scratching in their urgency. I couldn't deny a request like that, and good heavens, I'd been impatient to get my hands up her skirts anyway. Something about that old-fashioned dress aroused me in ways I never would have expected. It was as though we could still be love-struck teenagers, drunk with overflowing desire and hard-pressed to stop ourselves.

"More, please," she sighed at my hands on her smooth thighs, arching her back in tantalizing fashion. "Take it off."

Without hesitation, I pulled her up and moved behind her to tackle the long row of buttons down her back. I struggled to be slow, to savor this moment, to kiss each inch of skin I revealed until her chemise got in the way. I pushed the sleeves off her shoulders and my lips found the taut skin of her neck and collarbone. As the dress pooled around her waist, the sight of her in her silk chemise all but did me in.

"Do you have any idea what it does to me to undress you when you're wearing these clothes?" I asked against the soft shell of her ear. "I feel like a fumbling teenager again."

"You were pretty good as a fumbling teenager," she said weakly as my hands trailed over her chest, just a sliver of cleavage showing above the neckline of her undergarment. It was odd to receive praise for my former self, but I could remember how nervous I'd been, how terrified of not pleasing her, and it was gratifying to know that I had indeed done well. I could remember the pleasure she'd given me as well...pleasure I'd never have known but for her.

"I really am grateful, you know," I told her, moving to look into her eyes. "For everything you gave me by going back."

"I love you so much," Bella said with a light touch to my face that reinforced her words. "I don't think I tell you enough. It seems so obvious to me."

That she could love me had never been remotely obvious to me – it was a struggle to believe every day – and yet, with all she'd been through for me, she could still look upon me with such tenderness. It was a miracle.

"Oh, my Isabella." I pulled her close and showered her with kisses, as if that could compensate for the words I could never seem to find. "How could I live one day without you?"

She responded with a fervent kiss, and I lifted her out of her skirt. My hands roamed greedily over her silk-clad body. I couldn't get close enough to her. If only I could find my way so deep inside her that I'd never find my way back out, then I could be satisfied.

Her hands worked my shirt off and palmed over my chest. I closed my eyes at the warmth, my lips moving continually over her shoulders. I'd never get enough of her skin, her touch.

"Edward," she whimpered, "I want more…"

I could have told her I did, too – always wanted more, _so_ much more – but actions were quicker and spoke louder. My hands found the hem of her chemise and lifted it over her head, letting it flutter to the floor. Even with a perfect memory, I could never quite hold onto the perfection that was her body, soft in all the right places, cream and pink and luscious. I reached out to trace the perfect curve of her breast, but all that did was ignite my impatience to have her. I pulled away and undressed at vampire speed, bringing her back into my arms as soon as I could.

God, the warmth of her engulfed me in flames. The look in her eyes told me she felt it, too. I lowered her back to the bed and felt my way down her body to her last piece of clothing, a pair of old-fashioned drawers held up with ties on the sides. I smiled at the sight of them but wasted no time in unfastening them and casting them aside.

I couldn't recall ever being so very ready to be inside of her – not even on our wedding night – as I was in this moment, looking down at the woman who had loved me enough to find me in the past and the present. My right hand travelled up her inner thigh and stroked the delicate folds of her sex, hoping to make her as ready as I was.

The dampness that coated my fingers and her beseeching eyes told me she was already there.

"Bella," I moaned, unable to wait a second more, entering her with reckless swiftness.

I hissed at the heat of her around me and the sweet relief of being joined with her once more. The relief was painted clearly across her features as well. We were _made_ for this.

I began to move inside her at a measured pace, trying so, so hard to keep control when all I wanted was to take her as savagely as my body demanded.

We made love as slowly as I could stand. She rocked forward to meet my every thrust. Her responsiveness to me only inflamed my desire further. God, if only I could get _deeper_. If only I could be the flush across her chest and the bridge of her nose...if only I could taste her wet sex even as it surrounded me...if only I could stay buried inside her every second, maybe I would be satisfied.

Her hands clutched at me, her little moans filled the air, and soon I felt her muscles tightening around me, seeking the friction that would take her over the edge. I pushed into her harder, faster, and even as her moans turned to cries, my own pleasure multiplied exponentially. I dropped my head to her shoulder, trying to focus on keeping the pace within her limits, whispering her name, praying she would come soon...

I shifted just enough, and she clamped down around me, threw her head back, cried out my name.

All the wet, tight heat was too much, and my release burst forward in a dizzying rush.

Though every muscle in my body went slack, I somehow managed to fall to my back beside her and pull her to my chest. Her skin glistened with sweat, and I pulled the covers over us lest she catch a chill.

She snuggled into me and let out a massive yawn.

I chuckled at the sound. "You haven't slept properly in several days, have you? You should rest now."

"Mmm…but the others will want to know about it…and there's still more to talk about…" she mumbled drowsily.

"It can wait. We have forever, after all," I smiled to myself.

Bella smiled, too. "That reminds me. I want you to change me soon."

_Thank the lord._ I was ready now. "Whenever you're ready."

"It won't be long," she promised as her eyes drifted closed. "Just need to do a few things first…"

"I'll be ready, too, then," I promised back and sealed it with a kiss to the top of her precious head.

An eternity with my love of two lifetimes – what more could I possibly want?

* * *

**A/N: Thanks again, all of you. It's been a joy to share this story with you.**

**Upcoming fanfiction plans: 1) Finish Madman's Mercy and 2) start posting the historical, regency-era AH I've had waiting in the wings.**


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